When a family member reaches out for help, it's usually our first inclination to help.
After all, they are family, and we should always be there for them.
In some unfortunate cases, however, people have family members who repeatedly ask them for help.
Making us wonder if we are actually helping them at all?
The father of Redditor Nervous-Iron2748 frequently found himself in trouble.
Finding himself in yet another sticky situation, he once again reached out to the original poster (OP) for help.
Unfortunately, the OP flatly refused to lend her father a helping hand this time.
Wondering if she was wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For not giving my dad my social security number?"
The OP explained why she responded to her father with deaf ears:
"My dad (58 M[ale]) and I (28 F[emale]) have always had a rocky relationship."
"He struggled with addiction when I was growing up, and I’ve been on my own since I was 15."
"He’s also lied and taken advantage of me financially in the past, putting cars and utility bills in my name without my knowledge, which left me thousands in debt."
"We barely talk now."
"I usually just get a text on major holidays."
"Late last week, he reached out asking for my Social Security number, claiming he needs it to 'clear some debt'.”
"He said he only needs it from one of my brothers and me (he has 7 kids total and had the rest)."
"This immediately raised red flags."
"I was an adult at the time he’s referring to; he’s never claimed me on taxes, and I don’t see why my SSN would have anything to do with his debt."
"Given our history, I don’t trust him, but I also worry that refusing could completely end whatever relationship we still have."
"My mom and boyfriend both think I shouldn’t give it to him, and I agree it doesn’t make sense, but part of me wonders if I’m overreacting because of our past."
"...is there any legitimate reason he would need my SSN for this?"
"My credit is already locked and has been for about 5 years."
"He absolutely destroyed my credit while I was a teen, and I have spent many, many years trying to remedy all this."
"My dad has had addiction and money issues in the past, but as far as I know, he has overcome those and has been doing well for 3 or 4 years now."
"My brother DID give his number to my dad, and is wondering why I will not."
"My siblings are much younger than me and never saw the same side of my dad as I did."
"I think all of my siblings willingly giving him this info made me wonder if I was too blinded by the past to see that this could be real."
"AITA for saying no?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give her father her social security number:
Everyone agreed that the OP's father was beyond help, and not only would giving her father her social security number not improve his situation, but would likely only result in her getting in even more trouble:
"NTA."
"Don’t give it to him and lock your credit with all three credit bureaus."
"You can unlock quickly when needed, but having the locks prevents anybody from using your SSN/identity to open accounts fraudulently."- DarceysExtensions
"NTA."
"He’s going to dump his debt on you."
"He can also open credit cards and take out loans with your SSN."
"Don’t do it."
"If you want to help him, ask him how much he needs, have him give you the bills and pay towards it directly."
"Never trust someone with your SSN."- Technical-Neck7407
"NTA."
"He told you he needed it to clear some debt?"
"That's a nonchalant way of saying he's going to basically transfer debt to you, add to it, and in the long run, it'll be your problem."
"I used to sell phones, and some people ended up not qualifying because their parents were using their social security numbers without their knowledge and making accounts with them."
"Lots of people end up with bad credit before they can even start it up themselves because their parents use their numbers because they already ruined their own credit first."- Becca092115
"NTA."
"Your mom is right, don't give it to him."- FiddleStyxxxx
"NTA."
"Do not give him your SSN."- 3OrcsInATrenchcoat
"The two main reasons why you DON'T share your SSN with anyone is identify theft and financial fraud."
"Your dad has a very poor track record."
"Depending on what he wants it for he could tie YOU into some kind of employment fraud related to benefits, etc."
"You'd be a fool to give him it."
"Listen to your gut and your mom."
"NTA."- chickendelish
"Do NOT give this to him."
"You also may want to check your credit report and consider freezing it."
"NTA."- LunaDog_Mom
"NTA."
"He's already put bills and utilities in your name in the past."
"You are lucky he somehow lost your SSN."
"Do not give it to him and make sure to freeze your credit."- cassowary32
"Definitely NTA."
"He’s trying to scam you."- DogsReadingBooks
"NTA."
"Please NEVER give your SIN to anyone that doesn’t absolutely require it."
"You can do SO much damage with that, especially since as your father, he will know your other identity information."- Saltynut9
"NTA."
"It’s kind of mind-blowing that you are even considering this."- Coollogin
"NTA, immediately no."
"He does not have good intentions here."
"Please let your siblings know to be on alert!"- honeygaucho
"NTA."
"Please do not give it to him."
"I would also freeze my credit and pull credit reports so you can see what, if anything, he has done to your credit in the past."
"If he has used your SSN and/or your credit, please pursue fraud charges on him."- Mission_Selection703
"NTA."
"Yah he is going to clear up his debt by dumping it all on you."
"Why do you even want a relationship with this person?"- gibberishxox
"NTA, he wants to put some of it in your name."- bellegroves
"NTA."
"Of course don't give it to him there is literally 0 upside."- TryingIPromis
"NTA."
"Don't give it to him."
"He's provided multiple examples of why him having access to that info is a bad idea."
"Have there been ANY good examples of why he should have it?"
"I think not."
"If you don't want to deal with the fallout just tell him you lost it and have not had time to go to the SS office to request a new one."-opine704
'NTA, and put a freeze on your credit at all 3 bureaus."
"Only unfreeze when you want to open a new line, then refreeze right away."- ScienceNotKids
'NTA."
"You use someone's SSN to open any type of account under their name. like bank accounts and specifically, in his situation, credit cards."
"He’s gonna open one or two, use YOUR name to gather debts while he clears his, and then leave it with you."
"HE is TA."- soopid_buhed
"NTA, and I personally wouldn't do it. It sounds like he might be trying to use you as a co-signer for something, like maybe a kind of debt consolidation thing he's doing."
"I feel like if you agree to it, you might end up with debt in your name, and if he doesn't pay it back, you'll end up dealing with it."
"Parents shouldn't be asking their kids for things like that."
"Let him be an adult and deal with his debt on his own."- darklogic85
The OP later returned with an update, offering a bit of clarity on her situation with her father:
"I was never planning on giving the number to him, and was more so just curious if I was being an asshole for NOT considering it."
"I guess I was playing devil's advocate to see if there was anything he might actually possibly need my SSN for, or if he was just going back to old ways."
"At the end of the day, he is still my father, and there is an emotional feeling there for me that sometimes blurs logic and is making me hope for the best, but it's clear from these comments I was absolutely correct in deciding against giving it to him."
"I would also like to add if this was a real thing and he had documents, companies to call or something, I would be dealing with them directly as I will NEVER make the mistake of letting him know my SS again."
"Though I never made the mistake, he had my # from childhood."
Perhaps the saddest thing about this situation is that the OP's father actually thought the OP would help him, and put her own identity at risk.
Thankfully, the OP was brave enough to draw a line.
It will only take a matter of time for the OP's father to learn that the best help she could possibly give him, was no help at all.
