When a family member reaches out for help, it's usually our first inclination to help.
After all, they are family, and we should always be there for them.
In some unfortunate cases, however, people have family members who repeatedly ask them for help.
Making us wonder if we are actually helping them at all?
The father of Redditor Nervous-Iron2748 frequently found himself in trouble.
Finding himself in yet another sticky situation, he once again reached out to the original poster (OP) for help.
Unfortunately, the OP flatly refused to lend her father a helping hand this time.
Wondering if she was wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For not giving my dad my social security number?"
The OP explained why she responded to her father with deaf ears:
"My dad (58 M[ale]) and I (28 F[emale]) have always had a rocky relationship."
"He struggled with addiction when I was growing up, and I’ve been on my own since I was 15."
"He’s also lied and taken advantage of me financially in the past, putting cars and utility bills in my name without my knowledge, which left me thousands in debt."
"We barely talk now."
"I usually just get a text on major holidays."
"Late last week, he reached out asking for my Social Security number, claiming he needs it to 'clear some debt'.”
"He said he only needs it from one of my brothers and me (he has 7 kids total and had the rest)."
"This immediately raised red flags."
"I was an adult at the time he’s referring to; he’s never claimed me on taxes, and I don’t see why my SSN would have anything to do with his debt."
"Given our history, I don’t trust him, but I also worry that refusing could completely end whatever relationship we still have."
"My mom and boyfriend both think I shouldn’t give it to him, and I agree it doesn’t make sense, but part of me wonders if I’m overreacting because of our past."
"...is there any legitimate reason he would need my SSN for this?"
"My credit is already locked and has been for about 5 years."
"He absolutely destroyed my credit while I was a teen, and I have spent many, many years trying to remedy all this."
"My dad has had addiction and money issues in the past, but as far as I know, he has overcome those and has been doing well for 3 or 4 years now."
"My brother DID give his number to my dad, and is wondering why I will not."
"My siblings are much younger than me and never saw the same side of my dad as I did."
"I think all of my siblings willingly giving him this info made me wonder if I was too blinded by the past to see that this could be real."
"AITA for saying no?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give her father her social security number:
Everyone agreed that the OP's father was beyond help, and not only would giving her father her social security number not improve his situation, but would likely only result in her getting in even more trouble:
"NTA."
"Don’t give it to him and lock your credit with all three credit bureaus."
"You can unlock quickly when needed, but having the locks prevents anybody from using your SSN/identity to open accounts fraudulently."- DarceysExtensions
"NTA."
"He’s going to dump his debt on you."
"He can also open credit cards and take out loans with your SSN."
"Don’t do it."
"If you want to help him, ask him how much he needs, have him give you the bills and pay towards it directly."
"Never trust someone with your SSN."- Technical-Neck7407
"NTA."
"He told you he needed it to clear some debt?"
"That's a nonchalant way of saying he's going to basically transfer debt to you, add to it, and in the long run, it'll be your problem."
"I used to sell phones, and some people ended up not qualifying because their parents were using their social security numbers without their knowledge and making accounts with them."
"Lots of people end up with bad credit before they can even start it up themselves because their parents use their numbers because they already ruined their own credit first."- Becca092115
"NTA."
"Your mom is right, don't give it to him."- FiddleStyxxxx
"NTA."
"Do not give him your SSN."- 3OrcsInATrenchcoat
"The two main reasons why you DON'T share your SSN with anyone is identify theft and financial fraud."
"Your dad has a very poor track record."
"Depending on what he wants it for he could tie YOU into some kind of employment fraud related to benefits, etc."
"You'd be a fool to give him it."
"Listen to your gut and your mom."
"NTA."- chickendelish
"Do NOT give this to him."
"You also may want to check your credit report and consider freezing it."
"NTA."- LunaDog_Mom
"NTA."
"He's already put bills and utilities in your name in the past."
"You are lucky he somehow lost your SSN."
"Do not give it to him and make sure to freeze your credit."- cassowary32
"Definitely NTA."
"He’s trying to scam you."- DogsReadingBooks
"NTA."
"Please NEVER give your SIN to anyone that doesn’t absolutely require it."
"You can do SO much damage with that, especially since as your father, he will know your other identity information."- Saltynut9
"NTA."
"It’s kind of mind-blowing that you are even considering this."- Coollogin
"NTA, immediately no."
"He does not have good intentions here."
"Please let your siblings know to be on alert!"- honeygaucho
"NTA."
"Please do not give it to him."
"I would also freeze my credit and pull credit reports so you can see what, if anything, he has done to your credit in the past."
"If he has used your SSN and/or your credit, please pursue fraud charges on him."- Mission_Selection703
"NTA."
"Yah he is going to clear up his debt by dumping it all on you."
"Why do you even want a relationship with this person?"- gibberishxox
"NTA, he wants to put some of it in your name."- bellegroves
"NTA."
"Of course don't give it to him there is literally 0 upside."- TryingIPromis
"NTA."
"Don't give it to him."
"He's provided multiple examples of why him having access to that info is a bad idea."
"Have there been ANY good examples of why he should have it?"
"I think not."
"If you don't want to deal with the fallout just tell him you lost it and have not had time to go to the SS office to request a new one."-opine704
'NTA, and put a freeze on your credit at all 3 bureaus."
"Only unfreeze when you want to open a new line, then refreeze right away."- ScienceNotKids
'NTA."
"You use someone's SSN to open any type of account under their name. like bank accounts and specifically, in his situation, credit cards."
"He’s gonna open one or two, use YOUR name to gather debts while he clears his, and then leave it with you."
"HE is TA."- soopid_buhed
"NTA, and I personally wouldn't do it. It sounds like he might be trying to use you as a co-signer for something, like maybe a kind of debt consolidation thing he's doing."
"I feel like if you agree to it, you might end up with debt in your name, and if he doesn't pay it back, you'll end up dealing with it."
"Parents shouldn't be asking their kids for things like that."
"Let him be an adult and deal with his debt on his own."- darklogic85
The OP later returned with an update, offering a bit of clarity on her situation with her father:
"I was never planning on giving the number to him, and was more so just curious if I was being an asshole for NOT considering it."
"I guess I was playing devil's advocate to see if there was anything he might actually possibly need my SSN for, or if he was just going back to old ways."
"At the end of the day, he is still my father, and there is an emotional feeling there for me that sometimes blurs logic and is making me hope for the best, but it's clear from these comments I was absolutely correct in deciding against giving it to him."
"I would also like to add if this was a real thing and he had documents, companies to call or something, I would be dealing with them directly as I will NEVER make the mistake of letting him know my SS again."
"Though I never made the mistake, he had my # from childhood."
Perhaps the saddest thing about this situation is that the OP's father actually thought the OP would help him, and put her own identity at risk.
Thankfully, the OP was brave enough to draw a line.
It will only take a matter of time for the OP's father to learn that the best help she could possibly give him, was no help at all.
Woman Claps Back At Overweight Roommate After She Calls Her A 'Skinny B*tch' First
Corbis/VCG/GettyImages
A person's weight can be a VERY sensitive topic.
Whether someone is considered overweight or underweight, talking about it can cause a lot of strife.
Some people make comments that they think are light-hearted fun.
But that kind of fun can sting emotionally.
Redditor Certain_Nothing_3355 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (22 F[emale]) have three roommates."
"Lacey (22 F) is one of my roommates."
"All four of us have a good relationship; we regularly have dinner together, go out together, and hang out at our apartment."
"Sometimes Lacey can be snarky, but usually we don’t really say anything to her or each other about it."
"I just chalk it up to a personality quirk and accept it."
"For context, I am 115lb, and Lacey is 215lb (she’s recently started her weight loss journey and posts her weight online)."
"I promise this is relevant."
"Last night, my roommates and I were getting ready for a night out, and I was in my room with the door open, putting makeup on."
"Music was playing, and my roommates were running in and out of each other’s rooms to borrow clothes and chat about plans for the night."
"Lacey walked by my room to grab something from our shared bathroom."
"As she did, she looked into my room and loudly said, 'I’m so glad I’m not one of those skinny bi*ches that needs makeup to feel good about herself.”
"Before thinking, I snapped back, 'I’m so glad I’m not one of those overweight b*tches that needs to put other girls down to feel good about herself.'”
"And then I went right back to putting on my makeup."
"She burst into tears and told me I had no right to bring up her weight."
"I told her she brought up my weight first, so she had no leg to stand on."
"Later, one of my other roommates told me I was out of line since Lacey has struggled with her weight, and we all know she can make sharp comments sometimes, so I should have let it go."
"I agree, I could have probably been nicer about it, but at the same time, I feel like I was also matching the energy she gave me."
The OP was left to wonder:
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. I'm an overweight snarky b***h, and Lacey got what she asked for."
"If we have learned nothing from the body positive movement, it's that NOBODY is allowed to comment on someone else's appearance."
"She drew first blood."
"She won't do it again... lol." ~ kstweetersgirl2013
"NTA. I had a girl call me anorexic all throughout school, and everyone had an issue when I'd call her fat."
"You don't get to make derogatory comments about other people's bodies without expecting it back."
"If I'm going to be an ar*ehole, then I'd fully expect it back."
"I don't see why it should be any different just because she's overweight."
"That doesn't provide her with immunity from having her actions reflected back at her."
"If she doesn't like it, then she should have enough self-awareness to realize she started it and should have expected it back." ~ SleepyDeluxe
"Lacey struggles with her mouth, too, by making such an ugly remark."
"She fired the first shot."
"You just fired back. NTA." ~ YakCertain5472
"NTA. Some insecure big girls think, since being skinny is generally considered conventionally attractive, that it’s OK and fair to disparage and insult people thinner than they are. It’s not."
"They don’t like comments about their bodies or weight, and they shouldn’t do the same to others."
"You gave her a taste of her own medicine, and hopefully she’ll think twice before talking to anyone like that again." ~ draizetrain
"NTA. You’re not in the wrong for clapping back."
"She should learn that you treat others how you want to be treated yourself."
"Not your fault, you returned the favor." ~ turtlesaregorgeous
"NAH, fu*k that. I had a 'friend' who constantly made snide comments on my body."
"She was insecure with herself and lashed out to make herself feel bigger."
"She had the same reaction your roommate did when I started throwing it back."
"Sorry, kids - being overweight isn't a bulletproof shield to protect you from the ramifications of being an as*hole."
"Don't start none, won't be none."
"Either go to therapy and deal with your insecurities, or get it back in your face." ~ Internal-Student-997
"Not the as*hole."
"I couldn't care less if 'that's just how she is' and that she's sensitive about her weight."
"She's an as*hole for being rude for no reason."
"Seriously, she's not being 'snarky.'"
"She's being a rude as*hole."
"What you said was snarky."
"What she said was completely uncalled for."
"Maybe now she'll think twice about insulting people for absolutely no reason." ~ EffectiveNo7681
"I'm going with NTA only because I feel like that sort of behavior needs to have consequences."
"Let her cry and feel bad; if she says something rude about your body, and you give that back to her?"
"Well, maybe she'll think twice in the future."
"I can see why some people went with ESH because, yes, you could have handled it kinder."
"But you're 22, and also you just gave her back what she gave you, which wasn't at all unfair."
"She was rude; you were rude in return."
"She got upset."
"Them's the consequences, hopefully she learned the right lesson here."
"That said, your remark probably really cut her, because underneath her rudeness is likely a lot of insecurity and jealousy, and that's what drove her comment."
"It's not up to you to be her therapist, but if you care about her, you might want to try to have a conversation with her about what drove her to say that to you when you've both calmed down."
"Someone may need to encourage her to get some support rather than taking her angst out on others." ~ Datura_Rose
"NTA and you were NOT 'out of line.'"
"If she’s going to be a b*tch she should expect others to be a b*tch right back, especially about the same thing."
"She doesn’t sound 'snarky,' she sounds like she needs therapy and a proper sit-down to discuss boundaries and appropriate behavior." ~ SteampunkRobin
"NTA. Especially because some people struggle with gaining weight."
"People tell me all the time, 'I wish I were as skinny as you!!'”
"Okay, do you also wish you had thyroid problems that make it impossible to properly digest and hang onto the thousands of dollars I spend on food?"
"My body is killing itself from the inside out, but yeaaaaahhh go tell me to eat another cheeseburger." ~ Dull-Selection615
"See... some of these comments aren't it... yes it costs nothing to be kind, and you don't have to match her energy."
"However, constantly having to push aside her comments because 'that's just how she is' is absolutely not ok."
"Being overweight and snarky are not free passes for her to weaponize and use them."
"Sometimes you need to snap back. NTA." ~ nackle09
"NTA - She was tearing you down to make herself feel better. "
"Sure, she struggles with weight, meaning that was a guaranteed gut shot (no pun intended), but that means she more than understands how hurtful it is to be judged by size."
"Which would make this situation all the more disappointing for you."
"Also, if someone wants to be the snarky friend and make comments like that with no repercussions, then they gotta learn to take some of it back, especially if they cross the line."
"She’s your friend, sure, you could have been nicer, but good intentions only get you so far, and even if she meant it in jest, it doesn’t mean there’s no line to cross." ~ Jedi_Of_Kashyyyk
"NTA. I imagine this isn't the first time she has done something like this."
"You don't have to always just ignore her and let it go; it's not fair that you keep being insulted and do nothing about it."
"I see no difference between what she said and what you said, so if she cried, maybe she'll use this experience to understand how she constantly makes other people feel." ~ WhatTookTheeSoLong
"NTA, she brought up weight first as an attempt to bully without any retaliation; she knows weight is a touchy subject and has made sure no one is allowed to make comments like that to her, but she feels entitled to make opposite comments."
"Do not apologize, but I’d maybe have a roommate sit down and talk about what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to and about others."
"And make it about weight because it’s uncomfortable, but she started this."
"People have all sorts of reasons they are overweight, and some of them really can’t help it."
"In the same fashion, some people are underweight, and you don’t know why they are that skinny, and it’s none of your business, just like it’s nobody’s business why you are overweight."
"Say plainly: these comments about ANY weight have got to stop because they’re harmful."
"From now on, your apartment and your language are body positive no matter what, and snarky comments will get called out as the asshole remarks they are." ~ Netflxnschill
"NTA, as a plus-size woman myself, I would never comment on someone's body, and if I did, I'd expect the same energy back." ~ kpi3zy
Reddit is with you, OP.
You had every right to defend yourself.
Hopefully, you can all talk it out.
Good Luck.