Redditor BaldOregonianGirl is a woman who recently suffered a devastating loss.
In addition to her grief, she is unhappy about living in Texas after her mother unilaterally made the decision to move them from Oregon.
One of her complaints about living in the Lone Star State was the high temperature having an adverse physical effect on her.
So she took matters into her own hands to remedy the situation, which consequently upset her mother.
The Redditor exacerbated the situation by explaining the reason for her transformation, which led her to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit–where she asked:
“AITA for blaming our new ‘home’ for making me shave my head?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom took a job in Texas last year and moved us from our home in Eugene, Oregon to Dallas. She says it is because we needed a new start after our dad died, but its more like she needed a new start.”
“She never asked us for our input. One day, she said we were moving to Texas and that was final.”
“The daily temperatures here have been over 100 degrees lately. Everything is hot, humid, stinking, and it f’king sucks.”
“My hair has taken the worst of it. I have curly hair that doesn’t react well to heat or humidity and it’s been a tangled mess.”
“Nothing seems to tame it. I never had this problem back in Oregon.”
“Yesterday, while mom was at work, I got fed up with trying to comb out my hair and instead got some clippers at Walmart and shaved my head.”
“Mom broke down crying when she saw my new hairstyle, and screamed at me. What was I thinking doing that.”
“People will think I’m weird for having a bald head. I snapped back at her and said that I hated everything about it here, especially the heat and having to change my hair and my clothes to fit a place I can’t stand.”
“I told her this wouldn’t have happened had we stayed in Oregon. I f’king hate it here, and I will gladly stay bald until I can go home.”
“The rest of our family, who think that mom uprooting us was not a good idea, disagree with me shaving my head.”
“They think I am being an a**hole for making the move and adjustment period more difficult for her. I dont give a f’k. At least I feel cooler and more comfortable without hair.”
“But I can hear her crying from the other room, so I am doubting myself if this was a good idea in the end. AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole here.
They also showed their support by offering some health tips to accommodate her new look.
“Just a heads up (pun intended), wear a hat or put sunscreen on. You don’t want your head getting sunburnt.” – Studoku
“And your scalp will burn faster and worse than the rest of your skin. Hat is best, but otherwise, use high SPF and reapply every 90 minutes or when you sweat it off, whichever comes first.” – PleasantAddition
“Not just that, but we lost my Dad to a rare skin cancer (Merkel cell) because of how much he got sunburnt on his head (which is where the cancer started).”
“Please, please use sunscreen on your head and face.”
“I’m sorry for your loss, and that you’ve had to lose not just your Dad, but everyone else who would be supporting you, like friends and I’d assume family. It’s not fair you have to suffer over and over like this.”
“You need to do what’s best for you. But it’s easy to take it too far, especially when grieving.””
Your Mom is suffering all kinds of ways. You did what you needed to for your comfort. And you expressed your feelings, both about moving and your hair. Hounding her afterwards would be cruel. And staying angry won’t make things better.”
“If you want to feel better, you need to focus on it. And it’s unbelievably hard after a loss like that. It won’t be fast or easy. But try to think of one thing to like about the place a week.”
“Set a reminder in your phone. If/when that gets easier, try to do it more often. If it truly is so miserable you can’t find anything good, week after week, keep track, and calmly bring it up with your Mom. Maybe you could spend time with family and do remote learning or something to make your life better.
“I hope good things come your way, and life gets better soon. NTA.” – TerraelSylva”
“NTA It’s your body. You want to buzz it, that’s your business. My 20F daughter always had long straight hair that I loved. But she went through a trauma with a long healing time.”
“She felt cutting her hair would help her emotionally. Help put the past in the past. Whatever. Her reasons were her reasons and it helped her. I told her the truth, I was sad to see her hair go.”
“But that wasn’t very important compared to her well being. And I still complement her when she rocks a fun look.”
“Hope these words help. You do you.” – tpodr
“I am a curly girl who lives in Dallas, and I don’t blame you for shaving your head one single bit. So much easier than figuring out your new product cocktail when your emotions are at capacity. Remember to wear a hat or sunscreen though- if your scalp burns, it will be really awful.”
“So no, you are NTA for shaving your head.”
I know it’s really f’king hard dealing with the loss of your Dad, especially young. But even if your mom did ruin your life, she did not do it on purpose.”
“The two of you are clearly grieving very differently. Your mom isn’t really crying about your hair. It is much more likely that she has been struggling to convince herself that she made the right decision for her family, and this has been a wake up call that despite her best efforts, things are not going well.”
“He was your dad, but he was your mom’s husband and life partner, and if they were in love, which it seems like they were, she is experiencing a very different kind of devastation.”
“She’s being faced with her own mortality, and trying to figure out how to set her kids up for happy, successful lives.”
“Shaving one’s head out of nowhere can be a sign of huge distress in folks who have worn their hair long most of their lives. Your mom is probably very worried about where you are at emotionally, but has no idea how to help because she also likely at her emotional capacity, and may even be feeling like she’s inadequate, or failing as a mother. Your perspective is valid, but try to see hers as well.”
“You have every right to be angry at your life being ripped apart. Really, you do. I am just some stranger on the internet, but I think you should seriously consider asking your mom to put you and the family into therapy.”
“Your whole family has been through terrible trauma, and clippers are a great short term solution, but a licensed professional will be the best long term solution.” – bri_like_the_chz
“This isn’t really a matter of who is the AH. Your family has clearly been through a lot and it sounds like you and your mom need to work on communicating your feelings with each other better.” – joanclaytonesq
“NAH. There’s too much trauma to unload here. You’re NTA for shaving your head bc yeah it’s damn hot but it would be good for you to understand why your mom felt the need to uproot the family. This is above this subreddits pay grade.” – Intelligent-Panda-33
“NAH. Her crying right now, most likely really isn’t about your hair. Your hair may have started the crying but it is about something deeper. Odds are it about life and she’s trying but it doesn’t feel like it is working. She tried to make things better, but she didn’t.” – Lofty_quackers
The OP edited the post with an update.
“It’s mid-morning and I think my moms calmed down. I’m going to talk to her about all this later today. I’m still mad at her for moving us to Texas, and I’m going to hold that resentment against her for a long time.”
“I already made it clear to her that I was going to college in Oregon no matter what.”
“We should go to therapy. That I agree.”
“We’ll see how this goes. I’ll update when I can.”
“I am keeping the shaved look though. I actually like how I look with a buzz cut. It makes me look like a mini Furiosa.”
Overall, Redditors remained sympathetic to her loss. And even though they agreed that shaving her head was not an a**hole move, they encouraged her to be sensitive to her mother, who also suffered a major loss.