Wedding dress codes used to range from ultra-formal to beach attire, with the most common dress codes being black-tie (tuxedos/floor-length gowns), formal (dark suits/cocktail dresses), and cocktail (suits/midi dresses).
But some couples take things a step further by banning certain colors, beyond the usual ban on white dresses.
A wedding guest on the wrong side of a dress code color ban turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
AioliProfessional181 asked:
"AITA for refusing to take off my engagement ring during a wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I'm meant to be attending the wedding of 'Tilly' and 'Peter' next month. They are friends of my fiancé, and we have hung out plenty of times over the past few years. They got engaged around 18 months ago, and we got engaged 3 months ago."
"My engagement ring stone is a light blue sapphire - in photographs however, it looks a lot darker (which is relevant)."
"We met up with Tilly and Peter last weekend, which incidentally was the first time seeing them in person since we got engaged. When they asked to see the ring, Tilly noted that it was much lighter than the photos we'd shared."
"Peter agreed, and a little while later after the conversation had turned to something else, Tilly asked if we remembered that the bridesmaids' dress colour was a very pale blue. My fiancé is a groomsman so knew this, as he is wearing a matching tie."
"Peter said that they were hoping that only the wedding party was going to wear that colour, which was included on the invites. He said that having a ring in that shade was 'no excuse' to be 'breaking the rules'. This was said humourously, so my fiancé and I both laughed, and I assured them that I'm most likely wearing something darker and not blue anyway."
"Tilly then said that Peter was talking around the issue, and that I wouldn't be able to wear my engagement ring at their wedding because it was too close to their shade of blue. She said that she'd already had to make sure a family member wasn't going to wear a necklace with similar gemstones for the same reason."
"A discussion ensued, as both my partner and I said that it seemed quite strong to be asking me to not wear my ring (outside of sleeping and bathing, I've barely taken it off since the proposal). Tilly and Peter were insistent that I would be 'creating drama' by wearing it, and if anything, it suggested that I was trying to steal focus away from them and the wedding party."
"I made it clear that I had zero intention of doing that, but also that the ring was not going to detract from a bride and groom at the end of the aisle. At one point, my partner was even accused of proposing to me as a way of taking more attention from them during their wedding timeline."
We got engaged on our seven-year anniversary during the middle of a once-in-a-lifetime holiday, so I am sure it was not just to detract from his friends getting married."
"We left it at a stalemate, and anticipate that either just me or both of us will be disinvited, which is no issue to me at this stage."
"I do want to know if AITA, though, as especially for my fiancé and Peter, they've been friends for over a decade, and it would hurt him if he misses his friend getting married over something so trivial."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"Goodness. I hope no one with blue eyes attends."
"NTA. Worrying about something as small as a ring is ridiculous." ~ Alpacazappa
"Paul Hollywood will NOT be attending their wedding! (cackles)."
"It's absolutely crazy that they'd even make up rules like this. Way to alienate your friends, for sure!" ~ ShinyLizard
"Did you notice the hint of jealousy when Peter mentioned about how OP got engaged? OP, you are never the a**hole!"
"The bride to be is a bride from hell. I wouldn't go. Instead, I would take my wife to be and go on an amazing trip, taking loads of pictures and posting them at the time of the wedding, but I'm petty!" ~ ColdHandGee
"Not one person is going to notice your ring. They’re being ridiculous. I hope someone proposes during the reception. You are NTA." ~ paisley_life
"NTA. If a single ring will steal the spotlight from the wedding party… they must have the personality and charisma of a bucket of plaster." ~ Express_Barnacle_174
"NTA. What's she going to do if the sky happens to be close to that particular shade of blue? Tell God to change it?"
"No one is going to be looking at a guest's hands during a wedding." ~ OniyaMCD
"I actually was that weirdo who went around, gasp, complimenting my guests' clothing and jewelry at my wedding. One of the ladies had recently gotten engaged and you bet your a** I fangirled hard over that ring! I'm a magpie. I love shiny sh*t."
"Honorable mention goes to one plus-one who wore this stunning vintage emerald green velvet sheath dress. I wanted it for myself. Still do, actually."
"I went up to her during the reception and freaked out in a very positive way over how gorgeous she looked. Our photographer actually grabbed a shot of me bouncing on my feet and going 'GIMME GIMME GIMME THAT DRESS' and it's one of the cutest shots from the whole evening." ~ DesmondTapenade
"When did weddings turn into a celebration of narcissism? This type of bizarre demand is wild. NTA." ~ ChocolateCoveredGold
"If they are actually delusional enough to believe this, why would they even want you at their wedding? Their request is beyond bizarre."
"It’s insanely egotistical while also showing horribly low self-esteem. To think someone else’s ring will detract from your wedding… seriously, I don’t understand what drives people to think they deserve this level of control over people simply because they are throwing a party." ~ imjustapersontoo
"This is what killed me: he proposed ~15 months after the other couple was engaged and ~4 months before their wedding. Do they get to block off 2 years that none of their friends can propose‽‽ I’m sure too soon after the wedding would be a problem too!" ~ cooking2recovery
"You & your fiancé need better friends. These people are absurd." ~ Pookie1688
"It’s not a random accessory in THEIR chosen color, it’s YOUR engagement ring. It’s a huge (and absolutely ridiculous) demand that guests leave off their significant jewelry because the wedding party has dibs on an extremely common and popular colour." ~ ToughLingonberry1434
"NTA no one is going to be looking at your fingers during a wedding."
"If they’re willing to uninvite you both because you… won’t take off an ENGAGEMENT ring, the friendship is already lost."
"I can’t f*cking imagine even thinking about this much less making enough of a fuss to demand you take it off. What an a**hole bride." ~ starplain
"Now they don’t claim a color, but an entire subset. That’s laughable. Beyond laughable. I hope you show up, if at all, in a Pepto Bismol pink dress with green shoes. NTA."
"P.S. Make absolute certain that your fiancé wears blue dress socks to the wedding. Then make sure you tell them after." ~ ironchef8000
"NTA. This is not about the color of the ring. They already let the truth slip that they're upset that others people dared to get engaged during their long engagement."
"Everyone else needs to put their lives on hold and not have any major life events of their own! This 'friendship' has run it's course. End it and don't bother going to the wedding." ~ sleepingrozy
"NTA. I give the couple 3 years and 4 months from the date of the wedding to sign the divorce papers. Such weirdness." ~ AfraidOstrich9539
"NTA. It's crazy to think that a tiny little stone on somebody's finger is going to detract from a whole human-sized bride and groom. I'd just give my regrets and not go if I were you." ~ Regular_Boot_3540
"They are laboring under the delusion of self-importance. No one is going to notice, or care."
"If you ask half the guests a month later what the color scheme of a wedding was, they won't remember, let alone that someone was wearing a ring with a stone maybe one centimeter across in a hue somewhat close to what the bridesmaids were wearing."
"Most people won't even notice OP's jewelry. What they will remember is a bride telling people they can't wear a single thing with blue in it. OP's not the only one who received this edict, apparently."
"So, way to be memorable, I guess. People are going to be laughing at that bride for years now." ~ FigNinja
"NTA. You don't ask someone to take off their engagement/wedding rings. That's absurd." ~ heidismiles
"NTA. Next, they will be asking people to wear colored contacts if they have blue eyes." ~ Interesting_You_2315
"NTA. I swear, the audacity of some people when they're getting married. It's a ring. It's not going to take away from anything or anyone. I highly doubt anybody is going to even notice that it's a similar blue."
"Also, a wedding timeline is so stupid. You get one day—ONE. Not a week, a month or a year. It's one day." ~ xJaneDoe
People unanimously found this demand absurd and unnecessary.
If anyone gets distracted by a ring on one guest's hand, the wedding party must be too boring to ever be noticed.
