Celebration is a key part of life.
It can be a difficult thing to do when somber things in life are happening.
But somber things in life are always going to be happening.
So trying to keep the focus positive is a goal for a lot of people.
Other people may not always feel that message.
Case in point…
Redditor Abigixil wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she and her family should not attend my son’s birthday party if they only want to bring up their daughter’s health?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My oldest son is turning 7 in February.”
“We’re throwing him his first big birthday party that will have both friends and family.”
“He’s so excited for it.”
“My sister and her husband Adam have my niece Evie who is 8.”
“Evie is adopted.”
“This becomes somewhat relevant due to the argument.”
“But when she was 2 Evie was diagnosed with a string of medical conditions and health problems.”
“Some more serious than the rest.”
“She’s in and out of hospital and they have been warned her life might not be long, if they cannot manage all the various health problems Evie has.”
“It was a huge blow for my sister and Adam and the whole family.”
“Evie’s health has become a topic that gets brought up at everything.”
“Two family weddings were taken over when my sister brought up how sick Evie was, and alluded to the fact she did not have long left (despite her assuring the family on a number of occasions that things were not that bad).”
“One of those weddings was our brother’s wedding.”
“One minute the happy couple are the center of attention and the next people are talking about how sad that he has a terminally ill niece and the focus moves onto them.”
“She even made a big deal of talking about Evie’s health during the toast and it sounded almost like she was asking someone to start a crowdfunding thing for them to pay for treatments, without outright asking that.”
“My brother was furious and his wife, Mia, was upset that instead of being a happy day, most people ended up in a very somber mood at the wedding.”
“This has also happened at birthday parties, block parties, etc.”
“She brought it up at a couple of baby showers we attended together and I assume some outside of that also.”
“It’s a lot and every time it feels everyone ends up sad, depressed and uncomfortable.”
“My sister and Adam have been spoken to about it before and they claim they don’t do it.”
“Evie doesn’t always get what’s going on and sometimes she’s too poorly to care.”
“With my oldest son’s party coming up, I felt like this was something I needed to try to prevent.”
“So I asked her if she would not bring up Evie’s health at the party.”
“She told me she’s not going to pretend everything is okay if people ask and that it’s important to make it known so people don’t try to push her too much.”
“I told her I do not want the whole party to become about Evie being sick again.”
“She told me that’s unfair and I know why.”
“So I told her they shouldn’t come to the party if they only want to bring up Evie’s health.”
“My sister was furious.”
“She accused me of not caring about Evie being sick because she’s adopted, said I would be more understanding if Evie was my bio niece.”
“Even asked me why I cared so little about her.”
“She also told me I was an a**hole for trying to gloss over the pain they feel and for excluding them when they live in hell every day.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“She brought it up during a wedding toast?”
“That really crossed a line. NTA.” ~ East_Variety4848
“No offense but that should have been the moment she got stopped invited to everything.”
“She should have been taught her actions have consequences.”
“The only sad thing is Evie.”
“The poor thing doesn’t realize her parents actions are what preventing people from including her, but at some point someone needs to call out your sister and her husband.” ~ Vegetable-Bee-7545
“NTA. Since she brought this up in a highly inappropriate wedding toast, she IS going to bring this up at the party.”
“I would just uninvited her at this point.” ~ bolowfzxcxx
“My mother has stopped getting invites to things because she does this, but instead of a sick child, it’s a dead child.”
“I’ve talked to her about therapy and how she needs to figure out how to function and attend social events without making them about my dead sister, but she refuses.” ~ inkmetalandlace
“There were times when the only reason why my branch of the family got invited to family gatherings on my dad’s side was because my aunt (dad’s sister) felt that it wasn’t fair for mom and me to be excluded.”
“Because dad spent years of family gatherings making things about my brother after se had a major accident (full recovery save for weakened back).”
“Even my brother stopped going to the gatherings because of it.” ~ seiraphim
“I want to talk about Evie, too.”
“The youngest child in my care will be fortunate to live to my current age.”
“Kiddo is not biologically mine, and has a harder start than most.”
“A lot smaller and a little slower than her peers, she’s absolute sunshine.”
“My heart breaks knowing her time might be short, but I’m making sure she enjoys all of it.”
“Parents need to give children space to be who they are and give them a chance to grow.”
“Nothing in parenting is for certain, only that everything they chose for themselves can be a delightful surprise.”
‘I can’t imagine reminding everyone of my kids medical issues and needs, on every family get together.”
“I do everything so my kids can flourish in whatever they do.”
“OP, I don’t believe your sister is mature enough to parent right now.”
“Maybe, they need to grieve or something, but looking for the spotlight on the back of Evie’s medical needs in every situation is too much.”
“She needs to respect her daughter’s privacy and future by creating a safe and nurturing space for her to grow up.”
“If everyone important already knows, then there’s no reason to bring it up unless they are trying to get more attention.”
“Why is that?”
“Are they feeling overwhelmed?”
“In need of time for themselves?”
“Do they feel like life is passing then by?”
“Suggest therapy and no longer invite them to large events until they work on their issues.”
“I would suggest smaller get togethers so they can work on not making that the top topic for every event.”
“Or maybe creating specific events for Evie, specific things she would like and find joy in.” ~ Neither-Entrance-208
“Definitely NTA and claiming you don’t care because she’s adopted is disgusting.”
“There’s a time and a place to discuss these things and taking joy away from others is wrong.”
“If people ask she doesn’t have to lie, she can say something like ‘Things have been hard but we’re doing our best, thanks for asking.'”
“And leave it at that and if people push she can say it’s not a good time to talk about it.”
“Everything about her behavior disregards anyone else’s feelings entirely and it’s not ok.” ~ thaliagorgon
“The entire family loves you AND Evie and are truly heartbroken over her being so sickly all the time.”
“Seeing how you hijacked brothers wedding and turned a happy day into a somber day, we feel it best that you don’t come to ‘sons’ birthday party.”
“I feel you won’t tell people that today is about ‘son’ and you can discuss Evie at another time.”
“If you’d like the kids to get together, we can schedule a time for that.”
“That’s it… NTA.” ~ GardenSafe8519
“NTA. invite Evie, exclude her parents.”
“If they can’t handle that, point out to them how they’re objectifying and manipulating their daughter and her health for attention and sympathy to the point that Evie will be the one to pay the social and emotional costs.”
“And that she already has been!”
“If they continue to refuse, exclude them all and point out how the parent’s selfishness just cost Evie an opportunity to connect and have fun.”
“Then ask them to help you understand how exactly their choices are helping Evie.” ~ captnfraulein
“NTA at all.”
“I’m sure everyone knows by now that Evie is unwell.”
“It sucks that she is ill but it’s not something that needs to be announced at every event.”
“Your sister sounds like an attention seeker and just wants to be in the spotlight looking for sympathy.”
“Don’t let them come and let your son enjoy his birthday.”
“Everyone else is allowed to carry on with their lives and still care about Evie.” ~ Artistic_Accident_79
“NTA. I’m a sick person but I don’t let people or myself bring it up at every event.”
“Even if I’m asked I’ll explain that this isn’t the appropriate time to discuss it or I’ll just say that in alive so let’s focus on that.”
“There is no reason to ruin other people’s day, event, or limelight just so you can have the attention.” ~ SnuggleFrick69
Well OP Reddit is with you.
You have the right to ask people to talk about and not talk about whatever you wish in your home.
It’s understandable that you want to focus on your son’s big day.
Good luck to all of you.