For some people, having your family approve of your significant other is a crucial component of a relationship.
You want more than anything for the people you love most to notice the qualities you revere in your special someone.
Sometimes they don’t see it, but sometimes they do.
And for one Redditor, her family loves her fiancé’s qualities so much, that believe he is more fitting for their “golden child.”
A woman on Reddit is considering ending her engagement so her sister can date her fiancé due to her family’s incessant comments, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor PlaneThrowRA asked:
“WIBTA if I broke up with my fiancé so he could be happier with my sister?”
“I (25/F[emale]) have been engaged to my fiancé (28/M[ale]) for about a month now.”
“He’s honestly amazing!”
“He’s kind, thoughtful, successful, and way out of my league.”
“I love him so much, but lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m not the right person for him, and maybe my sister Tara (27/F[emale]) would be better for him.”
“Tara is everything I’m not.”
“She’s beautiful, smart, outgoing, and honestly, the type of woman that turns heads wherever she goes.”
“She’s always been the favorite in our family, my parents adore her, and she’s always making them proud.”
“Ever since my fiancé came into the picture, it’s like my family has started hinting that they think he’d be happier with her.”
“When I first introduced him to my family, they couldn’t stop talking about how perfect he is.”
“At first, I thought it was just normal family excitement, but it’s gotten kind of weird.”
“My mom constantly makes comments like, ‘Tara and your fiancé just have so much in common,’ and my dad has said things like, ‘It’s a shame Tara didn’t meet someone like him sooner. They’d make a power couple.'”
“At family gatherings, Tara and my fiancé seem to get along really well, and everyone keeps pointing it out.”
“My aunt actually said, ‘If your sister ever decides she’s ready for a serious relationship, she’d be lucky to find a guy like him,’ while staring directly at them as they talked.”
“I laughed it off because what else could I do?”
“I know Tara is incredible, and honestly, I’m just not sure I’m the right person for him.”
“Tara’s also been spending a lot of time with him, and my family keeps encouraging it.”
“She’ll ask him to help with things like fixing her computer or moving furniture, and when I offer to come, she says, ‘No, it’s fine, I just need him for a quick favor.'”
“They have been speding time at the gym and attend similar events due to having similar jobs.”
“My mom always says how nice it is that they’re bonding, and my dad once joked, ‘Maybe you’re just holding him back, sweetheart. Tara’s more on his level.'”
“I know they mean well, but it’s really starting to mess with my head.”
“My fiancé loves me, I know he does, but I can’t help but think that maybe he’d be happier with someone like Tara.”
“They’re both so similar, and I feel like I’m just not good enough.”
“I’m not as confident or outgoing as her, and I think my family sees that too.”
“At our last family dinner, Tara made a comment about how my fiancé is ‘the perfect guy’ and how any woman would be lucky to have him.”
“My dad actually laughed and said, ‘Well, there’s still time for that,’ which made everyone awkwardly laugh, even my fiance.”
“I felt sick.”
“I’ve been thinking…maybe it would be better for everyone if I just stepped aside.”
“I don’t want to hold him back from being with someone who’s actually his equal.”
“My family already seems to think they’re better suited for each other, and honestly, I feel like I’m the odd one out in my own relationship.”
“I love him so much, but what if he’s just settling for me?”
“WIBTA for breaking up with him to make everybody else happy?”
“I’m not asking about me and my feelings, I’m asking if it would be cruel to my fiance.”
Redditors weighed by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided that OP would possibly be the a**hole… not only to her fiancé but also to herself.
“YTA – If you decide to do this without talking to your fiancé first.”
“I would be willing to bet he doesn’t think your sister is the better catch.”
“PS: Your family sounds terrible, you may want to consider LC.” – Zestyclose_Army7847
“YTA if you let your family ruin this relationship.”
“They don’t love you, they’re using you to try and gain access to your soon to be fiancé, so he can f**k their other daughter, they are actively pushing them together AND YOU’RE LETTING THEM.”
“Girl you got me f**ked up if you think I’d take that kind of disrespect from my ‘family.'”
“That’s some toxic f**ked up sh*t right there.”
“You need to have a real talk with your fiancé about this and cut your family off.”
“If you break up with him with no conversation and unilaterally deciding this, you don’t deserve him anyways.”
“You looking forward to family gatherings of them hugging and kissing?”
“Holding hands and snuggles? Cute names and giggling?”
“You’re going to do that to yourself!”
“Real talk, that’s f**king stupid.”
“Grow your backbone and fight for your relationship and future!” – RevolutionaryDot3432
“YWBTA.”
“Your fiancé is with you because he wants you and nobody else.”
“You’re good enough for him… in fact you seem to be perfect for him in his eyes if he asked you to marry him.”
“He does not want somebody like your sister.”
“You want to decide for him what’s best for him and that won’t work nor is it a nice move.”
“And girl, please get therapy and cut your toxic family off.”
“People who say sh*t like this to you do not love you and don’t have the best interest for you.”
“You’re so self conscious and feel worth less because this is the feeling you family gave you your whole life.”
“You need to unlearn this pattern and learn to love yourself” – fritzlchen
“Yeah you’d be the a**hole.”
“More to yourself.”
“Also your family can suck a fat one too.”
“They’re not supportive of you and you’re so used to it that you believe them.” – budackee_10
Many agreed that despite what OP wrote, her family does not “mean well.”
“F**k that!”
“They don’t mean well at all. What a bunch of snakes.”
“Im so sorry you have to put up with bs like that!”
“How does your fiancé react?” – JohnJHawke
“THEY DO NOT F**KING MEAN WELL.”
“Damn, get yourself some therapy if you see what they’re doing as a caring thing!”
“Stop putting up with these people.”
“Talk to your fiancé about what you’re feeling.” – wakingdreamland
“‘I know they mean well'”
“Well, I do not agree too much with that!” – arootinr89
And the majority urged her to have a conversation with her fiancé before making any life-altering decisions.
“You don’t get to decide who’s better for him.”
“That’s his decision. And he chose you.”
“Your family’s horrible for making you feel this way.”
“I’m so sorry that they did.”
“You are more than worthy of all the love that is currently yours.”
“Please talk to your fiancé before making any rash decisions.” – rose189throwaway
“Um, have you actually talked to him about any of this?”
“If you haven’t, you should.”
“Your whole family sucks, btw.” – zeez1011
“There are two issues here:”
“Has your fiance really fallen out of love with you and into love with your sister?”
“The only way to find out is to talk to him.”
“Don’t start by breaking up – ask him how he feels.”
“If he’s not clearly in love with you, then break up.”
“And if he is in love with you, tell him that his constant contact with Tara makes you uncomfortable.”
“See whether the two of you can work this out and stay together.”
“The second, and bigger issue, is that you are so convinced that Tara is more… everything than you, that of course your fiance would be happier with her than with you!”
“And your whole family is reinforcing that attitude, to the point of cheerfully wooing your fiance away from you for your sister.”
“But that is not true.”
“You are you, and you have good qualities of your own – which Tara doesn’t have.”
“You need to build up your own sense of worth and self-confidence – with the help of therapy, if necessary.” – DawnShakhar
After reading several comments, OP took to the platform once again to update her fellow Redditors.
“Edit: Thank you for all the replies, I’m going to sit down with my fiance at noon for a discussion.”
“I understand why this would make me an asshole to him and I think he deserves the conversation.”
“Thank you again!”
Unfortunately, however, the conversation did not go as OP had hoped.
“I confronted my now ex-fiance.”
“He was sleeping with my sister and my entire family knew.”
“I’m done with this site for now.”
“Thanks for your support.”
Well, Redditors were certainly correct about OP’s family.
We are so sorry this happened, and hope that she finds someone who treats her with respect.