Each of us has something that makes us feel better, whether it’s an activity or a comfort object or a place we like to visit.
When someone tries to stop us from utilizing it, we should reevaluate our relationship with them, suggested the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Cheecher01 found herself wondering what to do in her relationship after her fiancé insisted she give up an important object from her childhood.
After hearing his repeated depends, the Original Poster (OP) questioned what to do.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not throwing away my childhood blankie at my fiancé’s request?”
The OP was always interested in a particular fabric texture.
“I (26 [Female]) am engaged to my fiancé (28 [Male]), and we’ve been together for about 3 years.”
“In elementary school, I’ve had teachers tell my mother that I should be tested for high functioning autism (Asperger’s), but was never officially diagnosed.”
“When I was about two years old, I could not keep my hands off of a pair of my mom’s textured shorts, so my mom cut them up into a square so I could sleep with them.”
She developed a relationship with a security blanket.
“And it became a security blanket for me ever since then. I couldn’t sleep without it, and if I lost it somewhere in the house before bedtime, my mom would help me look for it until we found it.”
“I love my mom very much, she was a single mother since I was 9. She’s my rock to this day.”
“The original blankie got old and torn up, so one of my aunts had found a shawl at the goodwill with a similar texture and gifted it to me when I was around 11.”
“I’ve had the same one since then.”
“I took my blankie pretty much everywhere with me, as the texture of it just calmed my anxiety and made me feel a safe and familiar feeling.”
“I took it to sleepovers at friends’ houses, and I put it in my backpack to take to school.”
“I still sleep with it every night and use it when I get home, but I don’t bring it in public anymore.”
“Well, sometimes I bring it for car rides but it doesn’t leave the car.”
The OP’s fiancé was concerned about her behavior.
“My fiancé started voicing concerns about me having a blankie at my age, and how he doesn’t approve of it.”
“We want to have children one day, and he asked me, ‘What are you going to tell our children if they want to copy you and have a blankie well into adulthood?'”
“And I told him that I don’t mind or care if my children (adult or not) want to have something that brings them comfort, like my blankie does for me.”
The couple began to argue about it.
“He doesn’t think it’s healthy to receive comfort from an inanimate object, and we’ve had a few arguments about it, and I told him I’m never throwing away my blankie.”
“I’ve stood firm that there’s nothing wrong or bad about having one when you sleep.”
“He’s told me to just grow up, and that it’s weird and creepy for me to have one.”
“He’s mentioned a few times he wants to throw it out, but he hasn’t thrown it out yet.”
“I know this man loves me and is an honest, hardworking, loving, supportive, and affectionate person towards me.”
“But he won’t change his mind about my blankie and is annoyed and maybe a little angered that I flat out refuse to never give it up.”
The OP also edited her post to add a few more details.
“My fiancé has been diagnosed with Aspergers, so I think he understands why the texture calms me down, and he still thinks it’s unhealthy.”
“It’s a little hurtful that he understands why but still doesn’t care to accept it.”
“He doesn’t have any comfort objects of his own.”
“But at the same time, I feel bad shutting down and invalidating all his concerns about the blankie.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to keep her blanket safe.
“Don’t let that blankie out of your sight. If he’s threatening to throw it away, he clearly doesn’t care for your comfort of mental well-being.”
“It’s a harmless quirk, plenty of people are attached to comfort items. It’s not weird.”
“NTA. Your bf is.” – Demo_Bec
“OP, make it SUPER clear to your bf that throwing away your blankie, hiding it, or even putting hands on it would end your relationship for good. NTA.” – usernaym44
“Seriously, DO NOT LET IT OUT OF YOUR SIGHT! He does not get to tell you that you can’t have a comfort item.”
“I am 45 years old and I have ALWAYS had a blanket. Loud and proud about it too. It calms me too.”
“You do you! There is no harm in this at all. He doesn’t get a vote. NTA” – BoogieRubyBubby1
“I agree about keeping the blanket safe. I would be very clear with him about this boundary and let him know the consequences if he were to throw it away.”
“He’s allowed to have his opinion and express it, as he has done several times. However, throwing it away without your express permission would be a huge violation of trust.”
“I once had a babysitter throw away my blankie because she thought I was too old for it, despite my mother telling her it was ok for me to keep it. My mother is still furious about that. (Although I don’t really recall it.)” – BoudiccasJustice
Others suggested what the OP could do with the blanket instead.
“Can you find a small strip of fabric that has a similar texture and put it on a plush keyring (like, buy a teddy bear keyring then sew the fabric texture you like over it, or sew a tiny cushion to attach to a keyring). That way if you are out and about you could have something easy to carry and hold.” – BellesBooks
“If you find the right fabric, maybe you can use some of it to make a little heart out of it or something and use it as a keychain?”
“So you can take it everywhere without having to explain, it’ll be just a cute DIY project and you can touch it and fondle it without getting weird looks?” – Kligntje
“Or even like a cloth bracelet sort of. I have a soft leather cuff that has two snaps to attach it to my wrist. If you folded the material, put a hem all around it to prevent fraying and with using a button or snaps for the attachment you could wear it with you.” – Armored_Butterfly
“A scarf! A bracelet, a belt, a pillow.”
“But I think if a blanket makes you happy, why not?! You’re not carting it around the supermarket or taking it to work with you or things? Life is too short to be shamed for your comfort items.” – Pretty_Kitty99
Some questioned the future of the OP’s relationship.
“You’re definitely not the asshole here. The blankie is 100% harmless and is helpful for you. It also sounds like it has a lot of positive memories for you too.”
“This sounds like maybe he’s not understanding how this helps you and is important to you.”
“Also on a side note, I have friends (20+ years old) who still have stuffed animals and all that. There’s nothing wrong with finding comfort in something inanimate, and I know a lot of my friends who are neurodivergent (are autistic, have ADHD, personality disorders, etc.) find comfort in blankies or stuffed animals, etc.”
“It’s just public perception being ableist and thinking adulthood should look one way when in reality there’s not really one template for how to be an adult.”
“And on another side note, I hope your fiance learns to maybe listen to you more and appreciate that while he may not understand why you keep your blanket, that it’s important to you and that that is enough.” – mothman_is_enby
“This man is not for you. Forget that it’s a blankie, he is so jealous/embarrassed/both that he has threatened to unilaterally take away a source of your comfort, the thing that should be most important to him.”
“Please make it clear that if anything ‘happens’ to your blankie you will leave. Then listen to his reaction – I mean REALLY listen.”
“I don’t want your next post on here to be as others I have read, where you post because you’re upset he has thrown it out and he is gaslighting you for being upset.” – EssexCatWoman
“He doesn’t get a vote on what makes your life better and what is best for your health regardless of whether or not you are getting married. Seriously. How does he show that he cares about your well-being?”
“NTA.” – Fredredphooey
Though the OP felt conflicted about what her future partner suggested, the subReddit wanted to protect her blanket at all cost. They defended her use of it, especially since her use of it was harming no one else, and they suggested how she could even conceal her use of its texture.