Most women say that one of the most difficult challenges of being pregnant is the way it changes your body.
For one woman on Reddit, acknowledging this difficulty sparked drama with one of her friends, who called her “fatphobic” for lamenting her expanding waistline.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by fruitandboot on the site, wasn’t sure about how she handled things, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA For making my friend feel insecure about her weight, after she asked how I was honestly feeling at 36 weeks pregnant?”
“For context, I’m due to give birth in a few weeks and my tummy is quite obviously huge. I get stuck inbetween doors, bump into things, and can’t see my feet. So very, very classically pregnant.”
“My friend, who I haven’t heard from in 7ish months, wrote to me today asking how I was feeling in the heat as it’s been extremely hot. I’ve struggled a lot, to be honest. I appreciated her reaching out, and was honest with her.”
“I said that I ‘am feeling massive and uncomfortable’, going on about how I can hardly do things that I used to do with ease. Everything really does hurt and I’m so swollen and large, so I didn’t sugar coat it. I can’t wait to meet my baby and get into that fourth trimester of parenthood!”
“As I said, I haven’t seen or heard from her in months and I guess she took extreme offence to me saying that being larger than I was before, and that I’m struggling, was an attack on her own weight gain.”
“I guess it turns out that she’s gained close to 30lbs (similar to my pregnancy weight gain) due to change in lifestyle from covid, and I honestly had no idea that me saying how I was feeling would impact her. I had no idea about her weight gain to begin with and I was speaking on behalf of my own experience.”
“She won’t reply to my messages because I’ve ‘become fatphopic’. The way she sees it, is that I’m idealising my prior body when I should be happy with what I have now? .. and by being uncomfortable, it’s telling her that her body isn’t okay?”
“I’m honestly not really impressed, because I feel that she is in the wrong here. On the other hand, I guess I should have not gone off the rails complaining about third trimester, but she truly seemed interested in how I was feeling. I wasn’t trying to make this about her insecurities, as I had no idea whatsoever!”
“AITA for being honest?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were really not here for OP’s friend’s drama.
“NTA your friend is ridiculous for making this about her” —whisker-kitty
“…i guess that she can still see her feet because she didn’t gained her weight mostly on her belly. To even think that someone talking about her pregnancy-body is the same as gaining some weight…”
“Since she didn’t contact for seven month, i wonder if the friendship is really worth to worry about…”
“There is a huge difference in pregnancy weight and just weight gain. Weight gain doesn’t tend to attempt somersaults or otherwise shift on its own accord, for example.” —stickaforkimdone
“…I rolled by eyes so hard, my eye sockets hurt now.”
“NTA, OP.” —Jesoto
“Because of depression/other health issues + Covid lockdown, I’ve gained probably 35-45 pounds in the past couple of years. It sucks a lot.”
“But under no circumstances would I hear a pregnant person say ‘I feel huge, gross, and sweaty’ and think ‘Oh my god, how insulting! They are calling me fat! They are suggesting that fat people are gross!’ It ain’t about you, sis.”
“If you both had gained thirty pounds and complained to her that you were ugly now, I could see that feeling weird to hear. That’s not what happened. You are pregnant. You are commenting on the massive changes to your body because you are pregnant.”
“Feeling bad and someone intentionally making you feel bad are not the same thing. Her feelings here are hers alone.” —Schmooperdoodle
“NTA. She is literally reverse projecting something that has nothing to do with her onto herself and then getting offended by it. Your pregnancy experiences are not about her.” —SnooMusic
“NTA. Does she not know where babies come from or something? Pregnancy, especially 3rd trimester, comes with a lot of potential difficulties, many of which can make you miserable. Like a large abdomen throwing off your center of gravity and fatigue for instance.” —dr-sparkle
“There’s a lot people don’t necessarily know about pregnancy, but, man, the metabolism of running two bodies… that makes a lot of heat. I feel like a good family planning curriculum should mention trying for a spring baby, because being pregnant during the hot summer months is not fun!” —Iwasgunna
“NTA. First of all, she asked. Your pregnancy is about you, not about her. Second of all, there is a difference between a person being overweight but feeling good in their skin, and a person carrying around another human inside their body and feeling uncomfortable from it! It’s not ‘fatphobic’ to say that at 36 weeks pregnant, your body doesn’t feel the way you’re used to!” —tritoeat
“NTA whatsoever. The third trimester is rough for a ton of reasons. Being massive and uncomfortable is definitely one of them irregardless of weight gain. She applied her own insecurities about her weight gain to your comments.” —shepassedthebeautyon
“NTA- she didn’t divulge any information about gaining weight, and asked you how you were doing to which you replied honestly. Sounds like she’s introjecting your response onto herself.” —A*skicker1337
Hopefully these two friends can find a way to mend fences down the road.