ThrowRAgamemyname is a 26-year-old male who recently experienced a tragic loss in the family.
His girlfriend of two years provided emotional support by accompanying him to the funeral.
However, her way of verbalizing her condolences later backfired, causing the Redditor to react in a way that negatively impacted their relationship.
He visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for snapping at my GF after she compared her cat to my brother?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“Me and my GF ‘Bella’ (24 Female) have been together for 2 years.”
“A bit of background: When Bella turned 5 years old, her parents got her a kitten named Chunky. Bella instantly fell in love with Chunky and they became best friends.”
“Unfortunately, Chunky ended up passing away at the age of 10, and Bella was heartbroken. I never met Chunky, but Bella talks about him frequently, and even has a photo album dedicated to him.”
“The main issue: Recently, my older brother (29 Male) tragically passed away in a car wreck. I’m still trying to process everything, and my whole family is devastated.”
“My brothers funeral took place yesterday, Bella came with me for emotional support and to offer her condolences.”
“As you can imagine, I’ve been an emotional mess these past few weeks. Well, after the funeral, Bella came over to my apartment so I wouldn’t be alone.”
“After sitting together for a while, Bella hugged me and said, ‘I’m so sorry this happened, I know exactly how you feel. When Chunky died, I just didn’t know how to move on.'”
“I don’t know what came over me, but I just snapped at her. I yelled, ‘Are you f’king kidding me?? Don’t you EVER act like you know how I feel! You lost a stupid house pet, I lost my flesh and blood!'”
“Ever since that moment, Bella has been very distant, and I’m starting to wonder if I was too harsh on her. AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors struggled to find a definitive “villain” in the scenario.
But many of them offered their condolences to the OP and weighed in with their varied observations about grieving animals vs. grieving humans.
“NTA. I kinda can’t believe all these responses. Yes, she was trying to relate but omg, that was such an offensive statement to make.”
“She may not have intended to be the a**hole, but in saying she knew exactly how you felt, she completely minimized your grief.”
“Now that said, if you want to maintain the relationship, it might be worth apologizing for snapping (which was not kind, even if I would call it justified), and let her know that what she said really hurt you and made you feel like she was downplaying the significance of your brother’s death.”
“I am very sorry for your loss.” – android_queen
“I lost a cat about a year ago to a tumor. I loved him, miss him, and will still look at photos of him on my phone and tear up.”
“I would never compare that level of loss to a human relative, let alone one who was young and reasonably should have had tons of years ahead of them. OP is NTA.” – CrassKal
“NTA. unpopular opinion but it’s a fact. Animals are animals and people are people.. Totally different.” – InvestigatorLow7595
“I’m a bit shocked at how unpopular this distinction seems to be so far.”
“Honestly — I’ve lost a close family member who died tragically young — and it’s not the same as losing a pet. Like, at all. It’s not even the same as losing a beloved grandparent who was elderly and ill, although I completely get that that is hard as well.”
“Having experienced all three things, there’s no comparison. The shock and tragedy of it is just… yeah.”
“I was upset when ANYONE would try to tell me they ‘knew how I was feeling,’ let alone someone comparing it to a pet.”
“And this is coming from someone whose handle is Catlady. LOL” – Catlady0527
“I lost my dog of 14 years, who had actually physically saved my life once and exactly 1 week later I lost my mom. I was 17 at the time. I can tell you with certainty, I loved that dog so much and I miss her but it severely pales in comparison to the loss of my mom.”
“That dog was there in my earliest memories and she was the best dog ever. But it is no where near the same as losing an immediate family member.” – ifeelsryforthemonkey
“Yeah, losing a sibling at a young age (lost my sister 17 years ago) and losing a parent at a reasonably older age from poor health(lost my dad 3 years ago) even is a totally different ballpark in feelings, there is zero way that the loss of even the most beloved of fur babies can compare if you were close to your sibling.”
“(I have lost several fur babies that I loved very much over the years). Shoot, even the more recent loss of my much older brother (already an adult when I was born) that I was not close to from health issues did not affect me as much as the sudden loss of my sister that I loved dearly.”
“OP is NTA… although he probably could have said it nicer since she was probably just trying to be nice…” – Dragonr0se
“I don’t think it’s fair to tell someone how profoundly they’re effected by a loss. I also have lost family members tragically young, and a beloved grandparent who was my father figure very suddenly… Losing my two childhood dogs is still a loss ranked right up there with them.”
“It was a loss of my best friend, my emotional support, someone who loved me unconditionally when I felt like I had no one else.”
“I think the girlfriend could have worded her statement differently. But ultimately he knew she was trying to be empathetic and chose to be cruel. There are consequences to your actions and his is the loss of her support.”
“I’ll go with ESH but it’s a thin line to YTA.” – makdaddi_
A strong majority of Redditors thought Bella’s words were probably not appropriate in the moment, but they believed her heart was in the right place.
And while they sympathized with the OP, some Redditors thought he may have been too harsh on her.