It’s a common concern among parents for their children to have more in life than they did growing up.
But occasionally parents go the opposite direction and view themselves as better than their kids, while prioritizing the wrong things, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor WeekUnlucky6293 was shocked when he went to visit his girlfriend, only to find her crying about her teen daughter.
But when he discovered that she was embarrassed by her child’s social status, the Original Poster (OP) was furious.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for calling my girlfriend disgusting and telling her she should be ashamed when she was crying?”
The OP came into his girlfriend’s home and found her crying.
“I’m a 40-year-old man and my girlfriend of a year is 38. She has a daughter from a previous partner who is 14 and a freshman in high school.”
“I went over there yesterday to find my girlfriend crying. I tried to figure out what was going on and where I can help when she told me she was crying about her daughter and how she is doing in school.”
The OP was confused.
“I love her daughter. She is the sweetest girl ever. I wish my daughters were as well-behaved as her.”
“I have to describe her daughter. She has a nice friend group, does not have trouble with bullies, and generally seems very happy.”
“I bet you’re wondering why her mother would be crying if this was the case.”
Then the OP’s girlfriend shocked him.
“Her mother, my girlfriend, was crying because her daughter is not the popular athlete, cheerleader, or homecoming queen that she was in school.”
“Her daughter marches to the beat of her own drum, which I think is the best anyone can hope for.”
“Yes, she’s a little bit dorky. But her own mother referred to her as a LOSER during this crying fit.”
“She’s very into anime (she and some friends actually started an anime club at their school), Pokémon, and video games.”
“Most of her wardrobe is black t-shirts with anime or video game characters on them.”
“Again, she’s a happy kid. She’s got her social circle who all have similar interests. It’s just not the circle her mom wishes she was in.”
The OP became increasingly furious.
“Here are some quotes from her during this that turned me red:”
“‘I never would have imagined my daughter would be a dweeb.'”
“‘She needs to grow out of this before college.'”
“And my personal favorite, I wouldn’t have been caught dead with kids that look like that.'”
“I called her disgusting and told her she should be ashamed of herself.”
“I said her daughter is happy and how would she feel to hear her mom crying about her perceived popularity? I told her how lucky she has it that her daughter doesn’t deal with a lot of the issues kids these days have.”
The OP’s girlfriend lashed out at him.
“This ended with her being upset with me because instead of consoling her when she was crying, I called her names.”
“But I don’t think the crying means anything. She was saying horrible things.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought they would rate the OP the AH, only to discover he wasn’t.
“NTA. Not gonna lie, I had my mind made up when I read the title, but her words are absolutely disgusting.”
“Having a happy, healthy child is what her focus should be, not her popularity. Don’t ignore her words though, she’s just shown her true colors.” – Invisibleamber
“I agree that the OP is not the a**hole here! Initially, I thought he would be the a**hole, but after reading the post, he actually wasn’t at all.”
“As long as the daughter is safe and healthy and happy, the mom has no cause for complaint, and she is in fact the one who’s acting like the a**hole in these circumstances.” – StinkyJane
“You had me in the first half. But no… definitely not the a**hole. She is being an a**hole and needed a dose of perspective.” – MaryFullOfRage
“Every day on Reddit makes me more and more grateful for my mom. OP is definitely not the a**hole.” – Maryfeatherston
“NTA OP, calling your girlfriend disgusting is not only NOT going too far, in my opinion, it doesn’t go far enough to describe her hateful attitude towards her daughter.”
“Cheers to you, OP (THE BOYFRIEND), for accepting, supporting, and loving this child more than her ACTUAL MOTHER! Make sure the daughter knows this because I feel like it’s only a matter of time before her own mother starts bullying her and trying to force her to be an exact copy of what she was in high school if she hasn’t already done so.”
“I mean for crying out loud, this woman seems more focused on treating her daughter like she’s a trophy child than as her daughter, and that’s just deplorable.”
“She’s so self-conscious about what other people think of her she expected her daughter to be a mirror image of what she was back in high school just so it would make her look better. And then when that didn’t happen, she immediately start harboring negative thoughts and feelings about her daughter.”
“That’s not something a good parent does or thinks of when it comes to their child.”
“I know you think that your girlfriend wouldn’t go that far as to start making things difficult on her own child, but it’s a very legitimate concern with a justified basis, OP. Your girlfriend is obsessed with what people think that it’s causing her to become ashamed of her own daughter.”
“‘I wouldn’t have been caught dead with kids that look like that” couldn’t be more clear in communicating just how ashamed and embarrassed your girlfriend is of her own daughter, and if the daughter were to find that out it would be devastating.” – desolation29
Others thought the mother should have been much more proud.
“Conformity is a toxic culture, in my opinion; the girlfriend should be proud her daughter is an individual who is less likely to give into the peer pressures that can come with teenage years.”
“There’s nothing wrong with cultivating your individuality, and I wish more people would realize this; we get so hung up on belonging that people can lose their own identities just to fit in or belong, but if you have to give up what you love to belong, then those people don’t care about YOU.” – Few-Entrepreneur383
“I bet she was so toxic in high school that she’s now seeing how many of her classmates weren’t actually her friends. And she did want a mini-me for a daughter to have her as a friend and access to her friends so she could be a ‘cool’ mom.”
“Sadly for her, her daughter is actually cool, and all her daughter’s friends probably think OP’s girlfriend is cringe as f**k.” – Opinionista99
“I know an adult whose mother was like OP’s girlfriend. She never got over it. Never. It’s been decades, and she’s still sad and bitter over how her mom expressed her ‘disappointment’ over her kid.” – KetoLurkerHere
“I don’t know what state they live in, because I know some states are still pretty traditional about this kind of crap, but most places have evolved past this. Kids are individuals.”
“My kids’ high school has an anime club, a K-Pop club, a creative writing club, and lots of other clubs that would be considered ‘nerdy.’ Kids these days are so much healthier socially than we were! Hardly anyone dates and the girls don’t dress up and pine after guys anymore.”
“When my oldest started high school, it was so foreign to me. My daughter would dress like (what I would consider) a slob… just sweats and hoodies like most of the other girls.”
“I talked to her about this in the beginning, and she would say things like, ‘Mom, we don’t need a man like your generation did. We can support ourselves and have a life without them, so why would we dress up for guys at school to try to attract them?'”
“Things have changed, and this woman doesn’t seem to have a clue.” – Top-Wolverine-8684
“My mom had a bad high school experience, she moved to Canada at 12 and was forced to start in kindergarten because she didn’t speak English. She made it to high school only one year late but had an abusive stepfather who didn’t let her do a lot of social events.”
“Her entire goal for me in high school was to be popular, have lots of guys following me around, date the captain of the football team. I was, like OP’s daughter, more on the quirky side, plenty of friends, but not one of the cool kids.”
“When I was 19, a 31-year-old guy surprised me with plane tickets to Barbados on our first date (work Xmas party). My mom was scandalized when I declined.”
“I’m 45 now, and it still gets in my head.” – Therealmagshall
The subReddit was flabbergasted as they read this post and realized exactly why the OP had said his girlfriend was disgusting. It became clear quickly he was referring to her limited mindset about her daughter, as well as the prioritization of her own happiness over her daughter’s.
If anything, they hoped that the OP would continue to advocate for his future stepdaughter, and that she would realize that he had been on her side the whole time, even if her own mother wasn’t.