Choosing between close friends and family is never easy.
Or is it?
Some people believe family and blood trump everything.
But others feel like family is on just as equal footing as friends.
This can cause significant stress in challenging situations.
Redditor Puzzled-Load6385 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not letting my sister move in after she cheated on my best friend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister (22 F[emale]) was engaged to my best friend (24 M[ale]).”
“They’ve been together for 4 years, and I was actually the one who introduced them.”
“Last week, he caught her cheating.”
“It destroyed him completely, and he kicked her out of their apartment immediately.”
“Now she’s homeless and asked to crash at my place until she figures things out.”
“I told her no.”
“She broke my best friend’s heart, and betrayed his trust, and honestly, I just don’t want her around right now.”
“My parents and family are furious at me, saying family should always come first, no matter what mistakes she made.”
“I’m getting bombarded with angry messages, calling me cold and selfish for ‘choosing a friend over my own sister.’”
“I’m torn.”
“On one hand, she’s family.”
“On the other, she really hurt someone who means the world to me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole for not letting her stay with me?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA.”
“‘My parents and family are furious right now’… Cool!!!’
“They can take her in!!”
“Also, your family needs an education on what a ‘mistake’ is.”
“Cheating on someone is a choice.”
“A mistake is accidentally putting too much salt in your food when you’re cooking.”
“Taking your clothes off, getting into (likely) a bed, and engaging in that act is literally multiple choices.” ~ SigSauerPower320
“You are NTA and I think you should pivot this conversation away from the cheating entirely.”
“You have the right to not bring this situation into your home and your daily life.”
“It doesn’t mean you don’t love your sister.”
“You are already emotionally entwined with their relationship, and it’s causing you problems.”
“Focus on that.”
“Stop making the conversation about your judgment of her behavior or where your sympathies lie.”
“Take some space from their relationship so you CAN be in a good relationship with your sister and your friend in a healthier way with boundaries that protect your emotional well-being.” ~ Impossible-Action-88
“NTA. You’re not obligated to let anyone live with you, regardless of the reason.”
“Your house, your rules.” ~ GoreGoddezz
“NTA. Tell your parents and family they can take her in.” ~ Serious_Bat3904
“NTA. You’re her sibling, not her parent.”
“You don’t have to do anything for her.”
“And he was your best friend, so you’re understandably pissed.”
“She should crash at your parent’s.” ~ tempco
“NTA. The classic answer to this issue is to inform all who blame you, that they’re welcome to let her live with them.”
“And you giving her tangible consequences for her behavior is, in a way, you doing her a favor – not enabling her will potentially teach her a valuable lesson.”
“Just because she’s family, does NOT mean letting shi**y behavior slide.” ~ clearheaded01
“NTA. Tell your family that you have a different view and opinion on such things and prefer to stand by your friends and not by those who’ve cheated on them.”
“Your family is free to take her in at any time.”
“Your door remains closed to the cheater.” ~ howardcoombs
“Tell her to go stay with her lover.”
“Or better yet, all the people who are guilting you can take her, can’t they? NTA.”
“Stand by your friend, he probably really needs one right now.” ~ D3athC0mesT0A11
“NTA, I would say she made her bed now she needs to lay in it.”
“But the fact she was lying in someone else’s bed was the issue.”
“Hopefully, you can eventually forgive your sister, and the wounds she made may heal.”
“But for now things are too raw, even if you let her stay, feelings would fester and it would not end well for anyone.” ~ Fntsyking655
“NTA. She screwed her boyfriend over and now she wants you to screw him over as well by dumping his friendship over her when he needs all his friends the most, she is the one that made a choice and that choice comes with a price.” ~ real-experience1
“If she had the means and the energy to cheat, she certainly has the means to get her s**t together by herself.”
“I agree with your parents (actually no): family comes first.”
“Therefore, why didn’t they call to tell her she could crash at their place?”
“NTA… and stay on your ground on this.” ~ AntiqueObligation688
“NTA. Blood doesn’t always come first.”
“And every single person who is enraged with you is very well invited to host your sister in her time of need.” ~ Kristmaus
“NTA. In my opinion, this is not about your best friend.”
“Your sister screwed up her own life and she did so willingly.”
“It’s not your responsibility to save her from suffering some consequences for her choices and actions.”
“Your parents and other family can take her in if they feel that strongly about it.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“NTA. Once again, cheating isn’t a mistake.”
“It is a series of decisions you made because you wanted to and probably thought you could get away with it with the decisions you made on how to hide it.”
“She just made bad decisions all around.” ~ KnightofForestsWild
“NTA- The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
“She hurt someone you cared about by doing a shi**y act.”
“Now, when faced with the repercussions of her actions, it’s now your fault?”
“Nah mate, screw that, and the horse she rode in on you didn’t make her cheat, and now she’s stuck with her crappy choice.” ~ platinumf4ng
“NTA. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
“That’s your brother through hard-earned trust.”
“She f**ked up and betrayed you in the process as well.”
“She’s gotta learn from her mistakes.” ~ waitwuuht___
“NTA. She didn’t make a mistake. She made a choice.”
“She knew what she was doing, and I will never understand why cheaters always think they’ll never be found out.”
“Good for you for sticking by your friend, who’s the true victim here.”
“Maybe your sister should go live with the guy she cheated with?”
“Or if not that, then your parents can take her in since ‘family should always come first.'” ~ strawberrymom1030
“NTA. Never understood the whole ‘family’ thing.”
“As in, just because we’re blood-related doesn’t mean you get to be a shi**y person, and we have to forgive you for it.”
“I choose my family.”
“I cut a lot of toxic blood relatives and replaced them with loving, kind people who love and accept me for who I am.”
“That’s family.”
“And regardless.”
“Just because someone is family doesn’t absolve them from being a bad person.” ~ EruDesu90
“NTA. They are welcome to take her in or pay for a hotel/rental etc, for her if family comes first.”
“Cheating isn’t an accident.”
“And it also is revealing of character.”
“The man she chose to build a family with and make a commitment to, she betrayed.”
“You are family that she (pardon my bluntness) was stuck with.”
“Why in the world would you expect her to be responsible and trustworthy towards you when she couldn’t do it for the person she chose?” ~ angel2hi
“NTA. Beware of the consequences though.”
“My brother cheated on his wife a few years ago.”
“We were very close.”
“I suspected something was up and confronted him, he denied everything.”
“Two weeks later, his wife found the texts.”
“He asked me to move in temporarily, and I said no.”
“He and his wife reconciled somehow.”
“He and I didn’t.” ~ antiheropaddy
“NTA. Your family doesn’t want to accept that one of the children they raised did such a heinous thing to another human being.”
“Not to mention, some people just don’t care to sympathize/empathize if it hasn’t happened to them.”
“If they don’t find cheating wrong, then I hope that every single one of them gets cheated on and then see if they’ll suddenly change their tune.”
“I’m sure someone other than you is capable of housing your sister if they don’t want her to be homeless.”
“If they keep bothering you, then you can start going low to no contact.” ~ Becca092115
“Tell your parents you’re not choosing a friend over family, you’re choosing ethics over family.”
“That’s not wrong.”
“Also, when someone cheats, it has consequences.”
“Those consequences are rarely only going to affect the primary relationship in question.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever known a cheating situation that didn’t result in hurting not only the cheated-on party but also all the peripheral parties as well.”
“Your friend isn’t the only one who trusted your sister.”
“You trusted your sister with someone you loved, and she betrayed that trust.”
“You’re entitled to feeling hurt and angry.” ~ WeaknessResponsible4
“I do NOT understand.”
“If family comes first then why isn’t your parents AND family both offering to take your sister in?”
“Why is it MORE your responsibility than your parents, your other family?’
“Tell your parents you are furious at them, that family should always come first, no matter what mistakes your sister has made.”
“Tell them THEY are shameful for not taking her in. NTA.” ~ joe_eddie_13
“NTA – Family means absolutely nothing and I’m tired of people pretending as it does, it’s an excuse shi**y people use to manipulate people into forgiving them for being so shi**y.”
“Your sister is reaping the consequences of her actions, and that’s that.”
“If the rest of your family think her mistakes should be forgiven, they can take her in.” ~ CivilSenility
“You’re definitely not in the wrong here!”
“You’re well within your right to set boundaries.”
“The fact that you feel somewhat betrayed by her actions is completely understandable.”
“If your family is that fussed, they should support her while she’s having a hard time rather than shaming you.” ~ sunseteuphoria420
“NTA. If your family is so concerned, let her stay with them.”
“If she cheated on your best friend, who’s to say she won’t turncoat on you over something important?”
“She can’t be trusted.” ~ BossMaleficent558
“Your sister is the AH.”
“You did the right thing by showing her that her dumba** decisions have consequences.”
“She is completely out of line for what she did, and if she didn’t want to be with your friend, they shouldn’t have gotten engaged.”
“You should try to comfort your friend and ignore the people sending you angry messages and let them slowly realize they’re in the wrong for supporting an AH.” ~ Death_Walker479
“NTA. You’d be NTA even if it wasn’t your best friend.”
“You are choosing not to enable someone to do a horrifically immoral act.” ~ Daddinator1701
Reddit has your back, OP.
You get to choose who you live with.
Your sibling’s behavior is unacceptable.
If your family cares that much, then they can house your sister.
You’re allowed to have your own feelings.
You’re a good friend.
Good luck.