When someone tells you not to use their things, no matter what the reason is, then following through and not using their things should be the obvious answer.
But some people are entitled and refuse to take 'no' for an answer, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Froggie-Enthusiast had bright green hair and decided to mix green hair dye into his shampoo and conditioner to help his green hair last.
When a friend stayed the night, he warned her not to use his shampoo and conditioner, so the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when she later walked out of the bathroom with blotchy green hair, because she believed he was gatekeeping high-end shampoo products instead of a hair dye blend.
He asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for 'not telling' my friend my shampoo had green hair dye in it?"
The OP had bright green hair that he was very proud of.
"I'm a guy with a bright green mohawk."
"I've had green hair for a while."
u/Froggie-Enthusiast/Reddit
Keeping his hair green required a lot of care.
"I have to use a lot of hairspray to get it to stick up, so I have to wash my hair almost every day."
"This makes the green fade pretty fast, so I mix green hair dye with my shampoo and conditioner to make the color last longer."
"This is a common thing people with colored hair do. A friend with dyed hair told me to do it years ago; you just have to use a dye that doesn't stain your skin. I use Lunar Tides Neon Lime."
"In this pink, you can see how the clear cap of the shampoo has been stained with dye."
u/Froggie-Enthusiast/Reddit
The OP warned one of his friends about the shampoo blend when she stayed the night.
"One of my friends stayed the night at my apartment after a show we went to because she missed her bus."
"In the morning, she asked if she could shower. She obviously didn't have anything of hers because she hadn't planned to stay the night, so I let her use my stuff."
"I showed her how to use my shower and told her to use my husband's shampoo and conditioner because, 'Mine is for my green hair.'"
"She said, 'Okay, and I gave her a towel and left, and she took a shower."
But the OP's friend did not quite get what he meant about the shampoo.
"When she came out, I heard her gasp and scream, and I asked her if she was okay."
"She started screaming that her hair was green, and sure enough, her blonde hair had green splotches all throughout it."
"I asked her why she used my shampoo and conditioner when I told her it was for my green hair."
"She said she thought I meant it was a good, special shampoo, and that I just wanted to keep it for myself, and that I should have specifically told her it had green dye INSIDE of it."
The OP wasn't convinced that they were wrong for how they described the shampoo blend.
"For context, the bottles are pink and opaque, but the caps are clear and are now stained green. The liquid inside is also green from the dye."
"I told her I thought it was obvious what I meant, but if she didn't fully understand me, she should've just respected my things enough not to use them simply because I told her not to."
"She did NOT like that."
"Now she won't talk to me and is telling all our other friends that I'm an a**hole for not telling her about the dye and for basically holding her down and dyeing her head green."
"Maybe I could have been more specific, but I don't know. I don't think I'm the a**hole here."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that this could have all been avoided if the friend had respected the OP and used the products she was told to use.
"NTA. This wasn't her grabbing the wrong bottle by mistake; she intentionally used your stuff because she thought you were gatekeeping fancy shampoo, even though it's your right to keep your products for yourself and not have to share with guests. She deserves the messed-up hair." - IllustratorSlow1614
"She stole from you. She took implicitly what she was told not to. I bet she's leaving THAT not-so-little detail out of her stories to your friends. NTA." - TonysAutomotive
"I can't believe she said, 'I used the shampoo you told me not to use because I thought you were gatekeeping!' straight to your face, LOL. She asked for it. NTA." - dystopiadattopia
"If a friend told me that a shampoo was for their hair color, I'd be thinking it contained some kind of color-fast additive to keep the color from running if nothing else. If she's a natural blonde, she shouldn't need anything like that and should avoid it to avoid wrecking her hair." - hitemlow
"She's ignored what you said, even though you just wanted to keep the shampoo for yourself. Which is probably the reason why she used it. It's her fault. NTA." - IceSeeker
"OP said that her friend thought she was keeping the good stuff to herself. That's exactly why she used it."
"I'm guessing she's one of those people who won't accept anything but the best, even if it's not hers. I can't stand people who balk at your kindness because it doesn't meet their arbitrary standards." - Neveronlyadream
"If someone says, 'Don't use this; use that instead,' the safe move is to listen, not experiment. OP already warned her, but she didn't listen!!" - AccomplishedIce6958
"She's also very dumb if she didn't see that the shampoo and conditioner were green and assume she shouldn't put it in her BLONDE hair?"
"Like, she also missed her bus and didn't listen or pay attention to the bottle. Like, it could have been anything in the bottle, you don't know, you don't live here. It could have been a cleaning chemical in a different container. NTA." - Living_Science9936
Others questioned how good a friend the woman was if she refused to listen to the OP, accused him of being greedy, and then defamed him to their entire friend group.
"She deserves not to have OP as a friend."
"I wouldn't have as a friend someone who deliberately takes something with the knowledge I have instructed them not to use it."
"If it was an accident, sure. If some unusual circumstance occurred, sure (e.g., the husband's shampoo bottle was empty). But OP makes clear they fully understood and remembered the instruction, yet still disobeyed it with no good excuse." - TellMeManyStories
"Does this mean that she gate keeps things around her friends? Because gatekeeping would not be my first thought when a friend says, 'This is for my green hair.' She sounds greedy, entitled, and like terrible friend material, definitely not the gatekept kind." - lamettler
"You're allowed to gatekeep your own things?! Like, if my friend said, 'Please use the regular shampoo; I have a pricey one I use once a week and ration out. Please don't use that up,' I would not touch their pricey shampoo?"
"'F**k you, I'm taking it anyway' is insane behavior and NOT friend material." - teaforpterosaur
"For f**k's sake, being accused by a 'friend' of 'gatekeeping' your own shampoo..."
"And it's not even gatekeeping. Gatekeeping is controlling access to something, as in you're technically allowed to go to this park, but I'm going to try to dissuade you from going because I like how peaceful it is. You yourself do not control the item being gatekept; you are just acting as you do."
"The shampoo is something someone bought. That is their property; they own it. They were explicitly told not to use said personal property, but they took it for their own use. That is petty theft, my friend."
"Nobody at work is 'gatekeeping' their lunch from you, either. When you take it, it's theft." - MediocreHope
"The OP should text her and all their friends she's b***hing to, in one big, happy group chat, that he warned her it was for green hair, and she won't take accountability for her own decision to ignore his instructions not to use his shampoo. Punishment fits her vanity in thinking she's entitled to what she assumes is the best product, even when it doesn't belong to her." - whatthewhat3214
The subReddit was eager to reassure the OP that he had given his friend enough information just by telling her which shampoo to use.
Even if the shampoo was high-end, cheap, or perfect for blonde hair, telling her not to use it should have been reason enough to listen.
The fact that she walked away with blotchy hair and was ridiculing the OP to their friend group just screamed of her entitlement and poor friendship skills.
