Redditor BassetOilExtractor is a 24-year-old male who got into a scuffle at the grocery store.
While he was looking for a specific cold beverage, he happened upon an olive bar and began filling up a plastic container with olives.
As he walked away from the area, an employee apprised him of an updated protocol involved with the set-up of the self-serving food bar.
It could’ve ended there without incident, but then, we wouldn’t be here.
After leaving the grocery store without accomplishing what he had set out for, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA For Going Off On A Grocery Store Employee?”
The OP explained why he unleashed his fury on the employee.
“So the title sounds bad I’m sure. This afternoon I had to take off from work for a few hours to take my grandma to a docs appointment, as such I was dirty from working, and in my normal work clothes, denim shirt and jeans along with some greasy boots.”
“While she was in at the appointment I went into the Safeway across the street (the one I shop at for her every week to get groceries and whatever else she needs) to get her some baby aspirin, and myself a Gatorade.”
“While looking around trying to find a cold one I noticed the olive bar (you fill up a container with olives or antipasto type stuff, and you weigh it at the register) so I got myself a container of olives and peppers and went walking off to the register.”
“The deli manager who I’ve talked to 100 times at this store mind you yells to me ‘you need us to label that so you can pay’ they haven’t ever done this so I asked her ‘when did that start?'”
‘It’s always been like that, bring it over.’
‘no it hasn’t, I’ve always weighed it at the register’
‘what’s the code for them, if you’ve done it at the register before you’ll know the code’
‘I leave it up to the cashier’
“then I started walking to the register”
“she then yells at me.”
‘This is why we have to raise prices, people like you.’
“so I said some things I’m not proud of, I’ll paraphrase here, I walked up to the deli counter and asked her directly”
‘Are you accusing me of trying to steal olives?’
‘I didn’t accuse you of anything’
‘oh good, because for a minute there I thought you were being a profiling C_nt and accusing me of stealing 2.5 dollars worth of f’king olives when I spend around a 1000$ a month in this store.’
“And when I went to walk away she said something under her breath and stared at me while I walked away, then shouted ‘next time just pay for them.'”
“So I turned around and called her everything I had boiling up and told her to call the f’king cops and I’ll stand right f’king here with the olives I’m trying so f’king hard to steal, and then I said ‘don’t worry I can wait a minute for your fat a** to get around here to detain me since I’m such a criminal'”
“She then waddled off into the back office, and I went off to find the floor manager and told him what happened, then he looked pissed and went off to find her, I set the sh*t down and just left because I wasn’t about to give them any business.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors weighed in with their thoughts–many of whom thought blame could be placed on both sides.
“You weren’t the a**hole until you ‘unloaded what was boiling underneath.’ That part is just like go to therapy. She’s pedantic and you’re a misogynist. ESH.” – dirtyfrank12292
“ESH. She was rude to accuse you of stealing but dude… you’re a grown a** man. Your attitude absolutely stinks. Grow up.” – Kindlycreature
“ESH. She could have been nicer about it and not yell after you, and you could have just let her put a label on it and been done with it.” – PixiFrizzle
“I’m also fairly confrontational as a brown girl when an employee looks like they’re trying to have a hero moment. She was really out of line. You know when you’re being profiled and she should’ve backed off when you called her out on it.”
“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place but she had room to reel herself in multiple times.”
“You retaliated super out of line with how you directed your anger. There would’ve been also bothersome or irritating things you could’ve said without bringing her appearance into it.”
“I would’ve had her bring a manager out and asked him directly about this brand new policy that hasn’t been here any of the other weeks you’ve stopped in to help your grandma with her groceries. Basically you could’ve thrown it back at her in ways that wouldn’t have put you in this predicament.”
“You both chose badly. Her initially, but you followed right behind her 🤷🏽♀️” – bluejay498
“As a mixed woman, this is the one.”
“Yea OP PROBABLY shouldn’t have insulted her, but everyone is blatantly ignoring her insulting him and profiling him. They’re ignoring that the employee was A, in the wrong and B, yelling accusations at a customer.”
“They’re all so wrapped up in HER being insulted that they’ve decided she gets a free pass. She started and escalated the situation so I don’t particularly fault him for finally losing it.”
“I can’t help but feel like the majority of people voting here have never been profiled in a store, and great for them if they haven’t, but it’s a very obvious thing when it happens. Until they’re being ‘subtley’ followed around a store and watched, they won’t understand.”
“OP, NTA mainly because you only moved to insults after she wouldn’t let go of her lie.” – Thetheifofalways
“YTA. It’s people like you that make it extra rough for those working in customer service such as the food sector.”
“There’s a shortage of workers. And since you didn’t feel the need to have your stuff weighed because it wasn’t your normal protocol, you had to unleash your word filth onto that employee. Plus, your insults are nothing short of bigotry and misogyny.” – stacity
“An employee is never supposed to accuse a customer of stealing to their face, an item isn’t stolen until it leaves the store unpaid, very unprofessional on the employee’s part.”
“The employee could have went to the register with him to make sure it was properly rung up and/or explained how getting a label would make everything easier on everyone.”
“Yes cashier’s can weigh and price stuff at the register, but it’s a hassle. Put up a sign letting customers know to get a label from the food area from now on.” – _PSO_
“YTA, you are a misogynist and TA.”
“Only a misogynist goes directly to hateful bigoted sexist slurs like you did. No matter what that woman did, NO ONE deserves to have that kind of bigotry thrown at them.”
“And, for what it’s worth, I’ll tell you that if you say it to one woman, we all know that’s what you think of EVERY woman. You didnt insult her behavior, you insulted her for being a woman.”
“Plus, body shaming bigotry. She isn’t horrible because she’s fat, or because she waddles. She’s horrible because of her behavior.”
“YTA to the moon.” – sezit
“I think ESH. The woman was rude and accused OP of being a thief and a liar without having a reason for doing so. OP used horrible language, that was entirely uncalled for.”
“I don’t agree with how OP handled this, but this woman was also out of line. Everyone handled this minor situation horribly. The store manager said the policy is to weight the olives at the register, like OP had always done and was doing. Even if the other worker wanted OP to get a sticker, that’s not how you speak to customers.” – Electrical-Date-3951
“How is anyone here excusing this absolute tantrum?? YTA.”
“You’re a grown man. If an employee of the store says that policy is to get a sticker at the deli…. Get a sticker.”
“Insulting a woman in such a disgusting, misogynistic way was so unnecessarily cruel. Her job is to make sure you pay for the olives and even if she was rude about it – I doubt that was the case – no one deserves the kind of insults you used.” – Ok_Accountant4613
“PSA – If you’re posting something like ‘AITA for going off on this worker / stranger / etc,’ it’s probably going to be a YTA. Yeah, sometimes they did something to provoke you and you may feel like you have a leg to stand on, but you’re just an AH if you choose to escalate the situation and lay into people. You can always just walk away.” – doobie3101
In edit, the OP wrote:
“The manager of the store agreed that the policy is to weigh the olives at the checkout, and he also apologized and stomped off towards the deli on a hellpath after I told him who the worker was that did that, so anyone questioning ‘policy’ hopefully that clears things up.”
Overall, Redditors thought the behavior of both parties left little to be desired.
However, a strong majority of Redditors believed the OP’s treatment of the female employee and comments to her were misogynistic, and that the ordeal could have been avoided had he walked away from the situation.