Though weddings are meant to be happy occasions, sometimes there’s some seriously memorable drama, too.
Just because two people are getting married doesn’t mean everyone associated with them will suddenly like each other, shrugged the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor meatdefeater88 was not a fan at all of his future wife’s best friend and the Maid of Honor for their wedding, and he got the feeling that the feeling was mutual.
But when it became more obvious at their engagement party, the Original Poster (OP) might have caused more drama by speaking up about it.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for threatening to kick my wife’s Maid of Honor out of our wedding?”
The OP was not impressed with one of his fiancée’s friends.
“My fiancée and I are getting married next year. I very recently proposed and we decided to get planning early.”
“My fiancé had this friend, Alice. I don’t like to use this word, but Alice is a huge b***h. She hates me for no reason. Like literally no reason.”
“When I first met her and my fiancée’s other girlfriends, she was very cold to me and was very clearly disapproving of me and multiple times asked my now-fiancée why the h**l she’s with me.”
“I think it’s partially because my presence caused a big change in my fiancée’s life. She used to be a bit more loose with her morals, partied a lot, drank more, and hooked up a lot, and these are all things that Alice still does.”
“I also think part of her is jealous and angry that my fiancée found herself a good man.”
The OP decided to confront Alice at his engagement party.
“So at our engagement party, Alice was not happy at all. She would glare at me across the room, wouldn’t have fun, and was trying to just bring the mood down.”
“Eventually, my fiancée and I spoke to her.”
“My fiancée was then pulled away by another girl. I decided then was a good time to settle things.”
“I told her that my fiancée chose me, not her. I said she needs to get over her silly little grudge towards me. I reminded her that it was my wedding and that I could have her out of it so fast, and I knew my fiancée would let me as, once again, she chose me over her.”
“Alice was visibly p**sed and upset. I moved on but the damage was done.”
This led to a big argument.
“Alice told my fiancée what I said, and she told me I was being a huge d**k and needed to apologize.”
“I said that I would after Alice did, but she refuses.”
“I was accused of being passive-aggressive and rude.”
“My fiancée is convinced I was the asshole and Alice is innocent.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some Redditors were very put-off by the OP’s attitude.
“This guy says things like ‘good man’ and ‘loose with her morals,’ and then takes it upon himself to tell his fiancée’s BFF that she chose him over her.”
“Maybe there is more to the story, but as written OP is YTA.” – Bai_Cha
“Look at how the OP describes his fiance, ‘She used to be a bit more loose with her morals, partied a lot, drank more, hooked up a lot…’ Can you imagine the attitude that just comes through in real life? No wonder Alice hates him.” – Effective-Penalty
“He sounds insufferable. She probably hates him because she sees how her friend has lost her spark.” – Chocolatefix
“I had the displeasure of working with a guy who talked a lot and one of the many, many stories he told involved an exes very intelligent lawyer mother hating him ‘for no reason.'”
“No need to bore anyone with the details but even as a colleague it only took a week for the reasons to be abundantly clear, god only knows what it would be like to date such a ‘nice guy.'” – Reason_unreasonably
“I think my eyes rolled into the back of my head when I read, ‘part of her is jealous and angry my fiancé found herself a good man.'”
“Yeah, Alice doesn’t like you not because she is jealous of your relationship, it is because you’re an AH.”
“Look how you talked about her and your fiancé having ‘loose morals,’ and how you swooped in and ‘saved her from her life of depravity and made a good woman out of your fiancé and her b***h friend is jealous of me for doing so.'”
“Now you didn’t type out that second part, OP, but that is exactly how your post read. Just because you spun it a certain way doesn’t mean we didn’t pick up on it. You looked down on both of them and you still look down on Alice and she seems to have picked up on that.”
“OP is exactly the quintessential self-proclaimed ‘nice guy’ us ladies know all too well.”
“The nice guy who thinks so highly of himself that he is flabbergasted when his superiority complex and condescending attitude rubs people the wrong way. The nice guy who looks down on women who don’t fit his standards even when he is in a relationship with someone else. The nice guy who thinks niceness is a transaction.”
“The nice guy who is blunt with his sexist comments but plays it off as giving ‘friendly advice.’ The nice guy who has to control everything and everyone around him. The nice guy who usually has a hero’s complex because he is obsessed with looking good to others but also wants to cover up for the fact he sucks.”
“And finally, the nice guy who the second a woman isn’t opening her arms to him, calls her a b***h.”
“Yeah, we know about nice guys like OP. Huge ick. I would also be curious as well to know what the ages of everyone is since OP conveniently left that out.”
“YTA.” – stop_spam_calls
Others said the future wife had given the OP the benefit of the doubt.
“YTA. I don’t think you’re passive-aggressive. You’re simply aggressive.” – Katana1369
“So, you weren’t being passive-aggressive and rude. You were being aggressive and rude.”
“Your fiancé‘s friends don’t have to like you. If your going to be condescending to them (jealous and angry fiancé has found herself a good man?) they probably won’t.”
“Do you think their view may be that your fiancé is compromising who she is to assuage your insecurities? You know, partying and drinking, because you’re worried about her loose morals…”
“Beware, if Alice is MOH, it means your fiancé still values what Alice thinks, so you can’t just dismiss her from your life. There are parts of your fiancé that you’re not supporting and getting to know.”
“YTA in this interaction. Take it as an opportunity to be a better partner to your fiancé.” – Ok_Two_8173
“Oh good, I was wondering if it was just my a**hole meter that was running amok.”
“Also, ‘my wedding’? Guess he doesn’t count his fiancee as an individual person. Hope fiancee wakes up and realizes she can do so much better.” – ElectricBlueFerret
“‘She chose me’ made me think that OP is only competing against Alice in their own head. Probably sees every comment Alice makes as a direct attack.”
“‘Do you guys want to go to the movies?'”
“‘How dare she think she knows what movies my fiancée likes better than I do!'” – evilshenanigans
“This is gross.”
“He also confronted Alice because he didn’t like the look on her face.”
“Going with YTA. The whole vibe is off with this guy.”
“‘Loose morals.’ Kinda funny but then again it’s so d**n contemptuous of his fiancee. Ugh.” – Afraid_Sense5363
“When my best friend was with her (now ex) husband, I stuck around even tho he hated me and only thinly disguised it.”
“I knew he was horrible and emotionally abusive, but if I came out all guns blazing, he’d have been able to spin it into ‘she’s jealous of us’ and ‘she doesn’t know what a healthy marriage is like,’ blah blah blah.”
“So I was nice, if not friendly, because I knew she’d need me, and it would be easier for her to reach out with people already in place and not have to reconnect with people he’d driven away.”
“And I was right, I was the first person she called when she left him. I can imagine Alice might be thinking along the same lines.” – literate_giraffe
“To be clear, the changes he’s describing are not inherently suspect. Obviously, if someone enters a monogamous relationship they will (hopefully) stop hooking with others. And while some people definitely still drink and party while in a relationship, others would rather spend time with their SO, or go out to dinner/other non-party events.”
“If he’d described these changes in more neutral terms, I’d be willing to believe this was a case of friends growing apart and struggling with being at different stages in their life.”
“But ‘loose morals’? ‘Found herself a good man’? Something tells me OP would NOT be open to it if his significant other wanted to go to a party with her friends, which is s**tty.”
“And even if he’s not super controlling, there’s no question in my mind that her friends know he looks down on them for their lifestyle. No wonder the BFF doesn’t like him! It’s one thing to not want to party, it’s another thing to judge people who do.” – LF3000
Though the OP was confident in what he had said to the Maid of Honor at his engagement party, the subReddit had different ideas.
Not only were they left with a bad taste in their mouths over how the OP had written his post, but they were also concerned at how he viewed his future wife and her friends, and what that might promise in her future.