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Guy Accused Of ‘Parent-Shaming’ After Refusing To Hang Out With Brother Due To His ‘Poorly-Behaved’ Kids

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Yes, it takes a village to raise children.

It takes a continent to raise several, especially twins.

And sometimes that village needs a break.

Especially if parents aren’t doing their share of the raising.

When these issues come to light it can cause a lot of friction.

Case in point…

Redditor Icy-Nefariousness720 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for not wanting to hang out with my brother because of his children?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (M[ale] 25) have an older brother (M 30) Kevin.”

“Kevin is married to his wife Rachel (F[emale] 30) and they have two kids, twins, Joey (M 9) and Chris (M 9).”

“I myself am married and I have a 2-year-old daughter.”

“Me and Kevin used to hang out all the time, and do family days out with our wives and kids.”

“But my wife and I were becoming less and less keen on these get-togethers.”

“Put it simply, Joey and Chris are very badly behaved in public, and it’s embarrassing and stressful.”

“Kevin and Rachel do nothing to correct the behavior, they’re usually stuck to their phones instead.”

“Not only is it embarrassing, but my wife and I didn’t want our daughter to copy their behavior or think that it’s an okay way to act.”

“The last time we hung out with Kevin and his family was three weeks ago.”

“We went to a family restaurant for dinner and the entire time Joey and Chris were misbehaving.”

“They wouldn’t stay in their seats and kept running around, throwing trash on other customers’ tables and just getting under people’s feet.”

“Chris threw a tantrum because Rachel didn’t let him drink Pepsi and he flopped around the floor screaming.”

“Rachel and Kevin ignored him and didn’t think to take him outside.”

“Eventually we were asked to leave because another customer complained about us because during Chris’ tantrum, Joey went and stuck stickers on a stranger’s baby’s face.”

“Kevin went on a rant about how his kid’s behavior was the restaurant’s fault because they had nothing to keep them entertained.”

“After that evening my wife and I were so embarrassed and decided no more days out with Kevin and Rachel for the near future.”

“The other day, Kevin texted me and asked if we wanted to go to a children’s park all together sometime.”

“I tried to phrase it as politely as I could, and told Kevin that after the incident at the restaurant, my wife and I decided it was better that we didn’t do days out like that for a while.”

“And that we felt very embarrassed.”

“Kevin didn’t take this well, and said we are ‘parent shaming.'”

“He said that we are being self-centered and not thinking of how difficult it must be for him and Rachel.”

“He said I’m being a bad brother and that I should be ashamed.”

“Was I the a**hole here?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA, you handled it as well as you could.”

“There are no parents alive who are going to take it well when told their children are poorly behaved so don’t take his reaction to mean you did something wrong.”

“Give it some time and if you feel like you have to see them.”

“Make it an activity that is appropriate for kids to run around and be loud and also provides you an easy out if things get out of control.”

“Restaurants should be completely off limits!”  ~ 21stCenturyJanes

“Yes! This culture of ‘anyone being called out for harmful/hurtful behavior is a victim of existence shaming’ is ludicrous.”

“We’re all going to be running about eating nothing but fried Oreo cream and fighting over conch shells pretty damn quickly if we don’t start holding each other accountable again.”  ~ Rascaliest

“NTA. Agree with this. You were as gentle as you could be.”

“Any possibility of visiting at their house and limiting visits to an hour (or earlier if their behavior necessitates that you leave sooner).”  ~ Wild-Pie-7041

“I am a parent, and I am 100% grateful to hear from other people when my kids are being a**holes.”

“I cannot correct behavior I don’t know is happening.”

“Now, if you’re watching me struggle to contain a tantrum and all you have to offer is ‘your kid’s behavior sucks’ that’s different because, yeah I know, I’m doing my best.”

“However, I don’t think either scenario is what happened here.”

“The parents know their kids are out of control, they were kicked out of a restaurant for goodness sake.”

“They just don’t care to fix it.” ~ SCVerde

“Plus tell the parents of those kids bluntly about how to raise kids and how their (parents) behavior sounds irresponsible and unaccountable for not keeping in check (their kids).”

“Most parents just bring kids into this world but never look into parenting skills and then say this is okay when it isn’t.”  ~ chirruphowlinkeeaahh

“NTA. Your concerns about your daughter copying her cousin’s behavior are valid.”

“And also it just sounds excruciating to be around your brother and his family right now.”

“It’s okay to take a step back.” ~ rainyreminder

“He just reaping what he sowed, he’s making excuses and having a pity party for himself.”

“I’m positive other parents have pulled away from them too.”

“Not wanting to be around them in public is not harming them in any way!”

“I don’t think you could shame them… they seem immune to shame. NTA.”  ~ Obvious_Scorpio1

“NTA. But your brother and S[ister] I[n] L[aw] need a wake-up call to how they’re doing a disservice to their children by letting them do whatever they want.”

“I’m actually surprised a 5th grader just ran up to a baby and stuck stickers to their face and didn’t get yelled at by the baby’s guardians.” ~ sofia1687

“I seriously had to scroll back to the beginning of the post as I was sure I misread the ages.”

“After reading the description of their behaviors I thought they were 3.”

“These kids are 9.”

“They should know how to behave in a restaurant.”

“A friend once told me ‘It’s really easy to be a bad parent’ and your brother and SIL are not doing these kids any favors by not teaching them how to behave.”

“The parents of potential friends will not tolerate this either and they will have a severely limited social group until they grow up and act their age.”

“You needed to have this and future talks with your brother.”

“It doesn’t matter if they want to blame the entire world (restaurant, school, other parents, you) for their kids’ behaviors.”

“The end result will be these kids being shunned and they won’t understand why.”

“And that is going to hurt them more than a bit of ‘parent shaming’ whatever that is.”  ~ drtennis13

“NTA but your brother and SIL are for not parenting their kids.”

“They’re not doing them any favors letting them act that way.”

“They’re actually setting them up for failure because as they get older other people will start avoiding them also.”  ~ Short-Classroom2559

“NTA. I mean, even if there wasn’t any reason behind it, you still wouldn’t be.”

‘I mean, it’s your life and you draw the line and the boundaries.”

“Do as you please as long as it doesn’t attempt with somebody else’s well-being.”

“I’d suggest letting them cool off about it and try to talk to them about what makes you think why they are misbehaving that way.”

“Keep in mind though that they might flip even more about it if they don’t even realize about the bad parenting.”  ~ DirectorSad8623

“NTA – parent shaming sounds like an excellent idea to me.”  ~ Traveling-Techie

“NTA. How can you parent shame a person who is not parenting?”

“Most babysitters do more than your brother is doing.”

“Unless there is a mental health or developmental concern, kids that age should be able to sit in a chair, instead of running around and throwing trash.”

“I’m pretty sure that they aren’t allowed to behave like that at school.”

“Or, if they did, there would be consequences.”

“It also sounds like they may be behaving this way because their parents allow it.”

“OR, the kids feel that any attention they can get from their parents is better than none.”

“It is not the restaurant’s job to entertain his children, it is HIS (and his wife’s).”

“A restaurant serves food. People go there to enjoy eating.”

“Why didn’t he bring something for them to do?”

“Or interact with them?”

“He sure as hell remembered to bring his phone.”

“Who wants to go out with two people on their phones the whole time?”

“And their screaming, trash-throwing kids?”

“It sounds like not many people.”

“You would be a bad brother if you allowed this behavior to continue.”

“Most often, people who invoke ‘but we’re family!’ or but what about MEEEE?’ when told about their behavior know they’re being jerks.”

“Would HE tolerate it if YOUR kid acted that way?”

“Or would he even look up from his phone long enough to notice? NTA.” ~ Abject-Technician558

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

You and your wife have to put your family first.

When everyone’s emotions calm down, a little sit-down, maybe with other family members who are in agreement with you, may help.