A woman’s body goes through a lot of changes during pregnancy. How or if her body returns to a close version of what it was before the pregnancy is determined by a number of factors.
Age is one of them.
A man who wanted his wife to look more like his sister—17 years her junior—post pregnancy turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after he took action to make it happen.
Redditor throwawaynconds asked:
“AITA for trying to help my wife to eat more like my sister?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife (38) and my sister (21) were pregnant and gave birth around the same time. My wife gave birth in late September and my sister gave birth on the 2nd of October.”
“We live in Florida, and despite my sister giving birth later, when we saw her during the holiday season, she was already back in a bikini and wearing her usual style of bra length tops and ripped skinny jeans and looked flawless. She’s an influencer and her followers have begun commenting the hourglass emoji under her content again.”
“My wife has expressed envy at my sister when we’d go out in public and people would be vocal about how surprised they were that my sister was her son’s mother and not a big sister in high school. My wife works out all the time, going on runs every morning before work and going to the gym during the weekend.”
“Recently in therapy she said she can feel me being so uninterested in her since our daughter was born and says she desperately tries to get facials and works out to try to keep my attention.
“I felt bad that my wife seemed to be exercising so much but the scale never seemed to budge and she was left agonizing over the fact that she had the beginning of the stereotypically gaunt ‘runner’s face’.”
So the OP decided to help.
“So I asked my sister what her secret was to being so fit because I knew she didn’t like to work out much because she fears gaining muscle that would make her look unfeminine about as much as someone would fear dying.”
“We went over to my sister and her husband’s home for Christmas and she showed us the contents of her fridge which were mostly fruits and vegetables and didn’t have stuff like pasta or bread in it, which I noticed that my wife continuously was eating, along with chocolate covered pretzels she compulsively munches on.”
“So I offered and got the groceries the other day with no junk food. However, a few hours later I come home from a run and I see the unhealthy crap my wife likes back in the pantry and fridge, some of the bread already eaten.”
“My wife herself said that if she could adopt whatever my sister does and see it work, she’d do anything to look like my sister.”
“So in an attempt to be a problem solver I tossed the new junk ( including stuff for pasta, bread, ice cream) out.”
But OP’s problem solving didn’t get the reception he expected.
“When my wife came back inside I was making lunch and she scrunched her nose up at the soup I was making and went to the pantry before I could stop her.”
“She got furious when she saw that I had tossed out her food and I said that she wanted to look like my sister so I was trying to help make that happen.”
“I said she didn’t need any of the so called comfort food and she started screaming that it’s all gone ‘from breastfeeding’ and that she couldn’t believe I was comparing her negatively to my sister.”
“She said my sister was a stay at home mom with a husband who pays for her personal trainer and somebody to cook their food for them and started crying that she’s ‘lost me since our daughter arrived’.”
“AITA for trying to solve my wife’s body problem in a productive way?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole.
“YTA. Here’s your sisters secret…she’s 21! And your wife is almost 40.”
“I could eat 24/7 at 21 and not gain an ounce. God you’re an a**hole.” ~ Acceptable_Letter331
“This. There is nearly a 20 year age difference here.”
“Your body works very differently at 20 and 40. You need to encourage your wife, not play on her insecurities. YTA.” ~ meetraspberry
“I had a baby at 21. My body bounced back a week after birth.”
“I actually looked better after having my son. At 26 I had another baby and it took me three years to lose the weight.”
“Each pregnancy is diffrent. Our hormones react differently each time.”
“Age most definitely is a huge factor. But so are hormones, and how much weight each one gained during pregnancy.”
“If the wife works out that much and breast feeds and still is struggling with weight loss it is likely her hormones and her age. She could have thyroid issues that started due to yeah, you guessed it, hormones.”
“OP might be one of the biggest assholes I’ve read on here in a while. No way he can’t realize how shitty he coming off.”
“Just tell your wife you still find her incredibly attractive and you know in time she’ll lose the weight if she keeps up what she’s doing.”
“It’s healthy to lose weight a little slower. Skin goes back to normal a little better. YTA YTA YTA YTA.” ~ Anita-Derange
“Does he not care about his wife’s feelings? Does he love his wife or her figure?”
“Looks don’t last. Not even his.” ~ silvereyes912
“Seriously, OP was definitely missing a huge step called communication! Even if they were both 21, he absolutely should have discussed the changes with her!”
“‘Hey, hun, I think you are beautiful and I always will, but I know you have been feeling upset about having some trouble dropping the baby weight. Would you like me to talk to my sister about what she has done to bounce back so fast and see if we can try to make some changes in our own house? Would that be something that you would want?’.”
“And then talk about which specific changes to implement! Don’t just arbitrarily decide ‘no more breads or snacks in the house at all!’.”
“And especially don’t throw out something that she clearly went out of her way specifically to purchase for herself. YTA.” ~ Frejian
“Seriously, YTA! Like how can you want your sister so badly, and treat your wife like crap.”
“Ew. She’s a goddess and the only weight she needs to lose is OP.” ~ HerbandEgg
The OP failed to recognize the very different situation his wife and sister were in. His helpful suggestions turned out to be harmful ignorance.