There's nothing more annoying at work than a coworker who doesn't follow the rules.
A guy on Reddit called out his teen coworker for this type of behavior, but wasn't sure about how he'd handled things. So, he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by throwaway9472838 on the site, asked:
"AITA for calling out an unprofessional coworker?"
He explained:
"I (M[ale]27) have been with this company for three years now, and we recently 'hired' a new girl (F[emale]16). I say 'hired' because she's working off the book and is only there because she's the daughter of a family friend of the CEO."
"She never talks to anyone seriously. In our groupchat (small team) she would reply to the CEOs messages with things like sexy, okay, got it, lmao ok, exactly like that, no signing off or anything. She would write emails the same way, not bothering to use uppercase letters, and the email would always be the bear bones of what she was trying to say."
"When people would explain things twice to her she would cut them off and say she understood the first time. Once the CEO congratulated her for fixing something wrong with the google sheets and she said she just googled how to fix it, there's also tons of other times when she was asked how she fixed something and she said she just googled it."
"Recently I confronted her, and she said that all of this was a construct, she was getting the message across either way so why does it matter if she's saying it in 2 words or 20 and I told her it was out of respect. She said the people she respects knows she respects them and if they didn't like it she could apologize later."
"Throughout our messages to each other, she kept saying things like 'lmao' and continued to void the use of capitalletters. I asked her what she would do when she got a real job and she said if the work environment didn't fit her she would leave, and she worked hard for the skill set to let her have that much power over her job."
"She ended the conversation by telling me to 'chill tf out my guy it's not that serious'. A few hours later, sent me a long paragraph about how acting professional created a 'weird ass work environment' and if everyone was just chill to each other we would be much happier with our jobs, and why would we want to be miserable 8 hours a day."
"I said whatever and ignored it for a few days until the CEO wanted us to fill out a form and she had it done within twenty minutes. He sent a message praising her for how fast she did it compared to us and said we should be more like her and she had the audacity to respond, and I quote, 'chill out bruh people are busy they'll get it done eventually let them breathe'."
"Finally I confronted the CEO and asked him why he let her talk like that and he said it didn't matter and she was only there to gain experience."
"I'm so sick of it, she's allowed to act however she wants just because she's the daughter of one of his family friends and does whatever she wants. Every time I bring it up with my coworkers they say to get off her back because she's a child, but she's the one who wanted to be part of a professional environment."
"Now, to her credit, she is a pretty good asset to our team, manages the social media, edits docs, helps with technology, a good programmer and has a good skill set, but she's unprofessional."
"AITA here?"
Folks on Reddit were then asked to evaluate who is in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And for the most part, they felt like OP's vitriol was way overboard.
"I might not be popular for this, but yes. YTA. The people who she's talking to regularly have no issues with her and how she talks to them, so quite frankly, butt out.
Meanwhile, when she was being used as an example for being faster at something than you, she actually supported everyone else.
You might want to take a step back and look at how professionally you are behaving towards her, because it looks like the tea pot calling the kettle black here." --Koda5111
"Maybe the texting language is a little immature (she is actually a child after all) but the CEO seems to be indicating a preference for brevity and speed and honestly I've always thought a "to the point" email was more professional than ones with tonnes of preamble and corporate speak. It's a rare occasion that I send an email longer than 3 sentences tbh." --witch_harlotte
"What I get from this is that the company really needed someone who knows how to use google? Thank god for the zoomers upholding the society. She might be really bad at communitaction but she is doing a fair share of work it seems. And yeah someone should teach her a bit about being more professional (lmao) but like... she's just a kid." --wcqaguxa
"YTA... This seems like an unnecessary amount of anger/frustration just because someone is unprofessional. If you already talked to your superior and her about it I don't see how there is anything else you can possibly do in this situation other than just make the people around you annoyed."
"It sounds like you are the only person at your workplace that has an issue with her behaviour which is probably a clear sign that you are overreacting... Sorry..." --PumpkinCottenball
"Dude, please stop trying to confront this girl that is ten years younger than you. Why is there a stick so far up your ass. Also she was defending you and your coworkers in the last bit, acknowledging that you all have full workloads and your boss needs to cut you some slack. She has your back even though you're an asshole. YTA" --slutforlibraries
Hopefully OP can learn to be a little more chill in the future.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.