There's nothing more annoying at work than a coworker who doesn't follow the rules.
A guy on Reddit called out his teen coworker for this type of behavior, but wasn't sure about how he'd handled things. So, he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by throwaway9472838 on the site, asked:
"AITA for calling out an unprofessional coworker?"
He explained:
"I (M[ale]27) have been with this company for three years now, and we recently 'hired' a new girl (F[emale]16). I say 'hired' because she's working off the book and is only there because she's the daughter of a family friend of the CEO."
"She never talks to anyone seriously. In our groupchat (small team) she would reply to the CEOs messages with things like sexy, okay, got it, lmao ok, exactly like that, no signing off or anything. She would write emails the same way, not bothering to use uppercase letters, and the email would always be the bear bones of what she was trying to say."
"When people would explain things twice to her she would cut them off and say she understood the first time. Once the CEO congratulated her for fixing something wrong with the google sheets and she said she just googled how to fix it, there's also tons of other times when she was asked how she fixed something and she said she just googled it."
"Recently I confronted her, and she said that all of this was a construct, she was getting the message across either way so why does it matter if she's saying it in 2 words or 20 and I told her it was out of respect. She said the people she respects knows she respects them and if they didn't like it she could apologize later."
"Throughout our messages to each other, she kept saying things like 'lmao' and continued to void the use of capitalletters. I asked her what she would do when she got a real job and she said if the work environment didn't fit her she would leave, and she worked hard for the skill set to let her have that much power over her job."
"She ended the conversation by telling me to 'chill tf out my guy it's not that serious'. A few hours later, sent me a long paragraph about how acting professional created a 'weird ass work environment' and if everyone was just chill to each other we would be much happier with our jobs, and why would we want to be miserable 8 hours a day."
"I said whatever and ignored it for a few days until the CEO wanted us to fill out a form and she had it done within twenty minutes. He sent a message praising her for how fast she did it compared to us and said we should be more like her and she had the audacity to respond, and I quote, 'chill out bruh people are busy they'll get it done eventually let them breathe'."
"Finally I confronted the CEO and asked him why he let her talk like that and he said it didn't matter and she was only there to gain experience."
"I'm so sick of it, she's allowed to act however she wants just because she's the daughter of one of his family friends and does whatever she wants. Every time I bring it up with my coworkers they say to get off her back because she's a child, but she's the one who wanted to be part of a professional environment."
"Now, to her credit, she is a pretty good asset to our team, manages the social media, edits docs, helps with technology, a good programmer and has a good skill set, but she's unprofessional."
"AITA here?"
Folks on Reddit were then asked to evaluate who is in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And for the most part, they felt like OP's vitriol was way overboard.
"I might not be popular for this, but yes. YTA. The people who she's talking to regularly have no issues with her and how she talks to them, so quite frankly, butt out.
Meanwhile, when she was being used as an example for being faster at something than you, she actually supported everyone else.
You might want to take a step back and look at how professionally you are behaving towards her, because it looks like the tea pot calling the kettle black here." --Koda5111
"Maybe the texting language is a little immature (she is actually a child after all) but the CEO seems to be indicating a preference for brevity and speed and honestly I've always thought a "to the point" email was more professional than ones with tonnes of preamble and corporate speak. It's a rare occasion that I send an email longer than 3 sentences tbh." --witch_harlotte
"What I get from this is that the company really needed someone who knows how to use google? Thank god for the zoomers upholding the society. She might be really bad at communitaction but she is doing a fair share of work it seems. And yeah someone should teach her a bit about being more professional (lmao) but like... she's just a kid." --wcqaguxa
"YTA... This seems like an unnecessary amount of anger/frustration just because someone is unprofessional. If you already talked to your superior and her about it I don't see how there is anything else you can possibly do in this situation other than just make the people around you annoyed."
"It sounds like you are the only person at your workplace that has an issue with her behaviour which is probably a clear sign that you are overreacting... Sorry..." --PumpkinCottenball
"Dude, please stop trying to confront this girl that is ten years younger than you. Why is there a stick so far up your ass. Also she was defending you and your coworkers in the last bit, acknowledging that you all have full workloads and your boss needs to cut you some slack. She has your back even though you're an asshole. YTA" --slutforlibraries
Hopefully OP can learn to be a little more chill in the future.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.