Redditor JustInTime1001 is a 37-year-old divorced man whose recent job promotion made him better off financially than he was before.
His ex-wife has repeatedly pressed him for a huge favor, and a recent incident brought things to a tipping point.
When he wound up incurring the wrath of her and his in-laws, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not paying for ex’s fertility treatment even though I can afford to?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I divorced my ex wife (34 Female) 4 years ago. It was ugly and messy.”
“We share custody of our son. Last year, my new wife and I had a baby (who is now 1 Month). I had a good job my whole adult life, but recently I received an enormous bonus and got promoted.”
“I work less now and have way more money, giving me more time to spend with my wife and kids, and also more money to invest in their future. I also have a pretty solid amount of savings.”
“My ex wife and her new BF (who she cheated on me with) are apparently having issues conceiving a baby. She told me this a few weeks ago and last week asked me to loan her $40k for fertility treatments (because she has some issues due to the complications from her first pregnancy) and some drugs to help improve his sperm function or something.”
“I can afford it. She doesn’t have that kind of money.”
“I told her I will think about it and talk to my wife, but I am not excited about the idea. In the past few days, she called me every day asking about our deal and whether I made a decision already.”
“Yesterday my wife and I picked my son up from his mom’s place and he asked me when he’ll get a baby brother or sister. I was a bit confused, then he said ‘the one you will help mommy have.'”
“I just stared at her blankly and when my wife helped my son get his things into the car, I told my wife the ‘deal’ was off because she used our son to blackmail me.”
“She called me selfish and told me that I got my new beginning and she deserves one too. I told her that I’m sorry she is having trouble getting pregnant, but it’s really not my problem.”
“She said I’m an AH and a jerk for not helping her, because her issues now are partly my fault (as she was pregnant with my child first).”
“I left and received a bunch of texts from her, the BF, her mom and dad, our common friends,… all calling me an AH.”
“Aita for not paying for her fertility treatment?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
A majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in this situation.
“NTA Doesn’t even begin to cover it. Her problems unless they directly impact the life of the child you share with her are not your concern anymore.”
“And she has no one to blame for that but herself. Please make sure that she, her current boyfriend, and many relatives and any mutual friends you may still have all no that the day she chose to cheat on you with him and the very messy divorce was ended was the days that any responsibility you have for her fertility also ended.”
“And that it is rude and completely unacceptable that she would expect you to be responsible for that on her behalf. What decent woman would ask the person she has wronged so egregiously would ask her ex-husband to finance her having a baby with her lover whom she used to cheat on her husband with? That is beyond Chutzpah!!” – Betrayed_Orphan
“Absolutely NTA. A variety of reasons can lead to fertility issues and just because she was pregnant once, doesn’t mean it could ever happen again no matter the money spent.”
“As for her ‘wanting a fresh start’… um, she chose that when she cheated and started a new relationship without ending a current one.”
“Its amazing you were even considering helping her and it shows good character. Her involving your son was a line crossed and cannot be undone, what gall.” – PictouGirl
“NTA, her pregnancy issues are not your problem and the fact she’s using your guys child as a pawn to guilt trip you says something her not being able to get pregnant with the man she cheated on you with is her karma plus she can always try and get a loan for it you should only give money for the child you share together nothing more nothing less.” – Shoakuma0
“NTA. What??????? She’s with the guy she f’ked around with and now you’re happy and have a wonderful life and she wants you to give her money for fertility treatments? What kind of screwed up ask is this?”
“Wait, ex wife. You screwed around behind my back and betrayed me and broke up our relationship and MoveOn to be with a cheater and now you want some money from me to be able to have a kid? Are you crazy? What is wrong with you? Get away from me.“ – mcclgwe
“I really don’t get why people always think they’re entitled to someone else’s money, I simply can’t understand the mental gymnastics they must do to convince themselves that you have to help them…”
“anyway, NTA, even if she didn’t try to use your son to guilt trip you, she still an a**hole for cheating and now asking for money for her ‘new beginning’, she already has a new beginning with the asshole she cheated on you and her fertility issues are part of that new beginning she needs to learn to cope with or get a loan from a bank to finance her so called ‘new beginning.'” – xavii117
“NTA she cheated on you with her current bf and now wants you to pay for a baby? Hell no.”
“Her choices are not your responsibility. Your responsibility is towards your children. So that money can ensure a good future for them. We can’t predict tomorrow and you can have an unexpected expense.”
“Anyone who complains can put their money where their mouth is.”
“She isn’t entitled to anything from you and she’s using your son and family to get her way.”
“Cut that out and reduce communication if necessary with everyone who is bothering you, including her.” – Anizziepluto
“NTA, how is this something appropriate to ask your ex? I’v read a few similar posts on here and its got me wondering why this is becoming normalized and where the hell this women got the audacity to ask for 40k to help her get pregnant with someone else after already divorcing.”
“I mean, I can understand if times were tough and she’s asking for money to help cover costs for their shared son or if its to keep from being homeless or even if it was a small amount like $100 but to ask for money for a happily ever after with he dude she cheated on you with is just crazy to me.”
“OP you have no obligation to help this women, even if you take away the fact that she broke your marriage by cheating and is still together with the same guy, what happens to her is her own business. You dont owe her anything and the fact that she’s even bringing your shared young child into it to guilt trip you makes it all the more worse.”
“Dont give her anything. If any of her family or friends or BF contact you trying to ridicule or guilt you into helping tell them to open up their own pockets, Im sure they have some savings or that they can sell their house/car or even let the BF knock up one of her girlfriends and they can hand over the child to her after its born.”
“Or better yet, since your already the bad guy in their eyes, tell them off in the most derogatory and fashion and then block em’, and move on with your life with new baby, son, and wife.” – ThatBrownGuy120
“NTA. Not only is she looking for money to help her conceive with her BF (which is uncomfortably weird, and not your problem) – she wants bonus extra money to upgrade the sperm of the guy she cheated on you with. That is SOME level of audacity! And tacky AF.”
“You should never have considered this for even a moment. Block her flying monkeys too.” – BeneficialDark1662
Overall, Redditors strongly objected to the ex-wife for feeling like she’s entitled to some of the OP’s wealth in order to aid in her financially-strapped predicament.
Redditors even felt like she was the a**hole in the first place for having the audacity to ask a huge favor from the man she cheated on.