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Woman Loses It After Homophobic Boyfriend Harasses Her Gay Brother The First Time They Meet

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For many siblings, an unspoken, protect-at-all-costs sort of bond exists.

But is there a line when that protection becomes too much?

One Redditor, who posted their experience in the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit, found themselves asking that question.

The Original Poster (OP), aptly known as throw4wayangrysister, shared the key elements in the title. 

“AITA for blowing up at my (now ex) bf after he harassed and outed my brother at the dinner table?”

OP began by painting a picture of an impressive bond. 

“I [20-year-old female] and my younger brother [16-year-old male] have always been extremely close our entire lives, even after I moved out recently to attend university.”

“We’ve always had opposite styles, and he’s the sun to my moon.”

“My brother and I always enjoy matching our clothes; he’s always loved wearing flashy clothes, and I’ve even leant him some of mine on many occasions, since he likes to present more femininely.”

For quite awhile, others have supported that bond. 

“My parents have never had a problem with this, as they’ve always encouraged us to be the best version of ourselves we can be, no matter what.”

“They’ve always loved and accepted us.”

Then a recent event came along. 

“I decided to invite my bf [22-year-old male]\ to a family dinner. He comes from a conservative background, not at all like us.”

“I asked my parents and brother if it was ok to invite him, and they all agreed, as they had been wanting to meet him.”

“When it came to the dinner, my bf instantly gave my brother a weird look when saying hey, since he was dressed in some of my old clothes I had given to him, but was cordial to my parents.”

And that was just the start. 

“We began dinner shortly after, and that’s when things got bad.”

“Things were fine for about the first 20 minutes, and he was getting along great with my parents, while him and my brother did some lighthearted banter back and forth.

“But then my bf asked my brother, ‘why do you dress like that?’ my brother asked what he meant, and he said ‘like a girl.’ “

Sadly, it wasn’t a shock. 

“My brother is used to this, and just shrugged and said it’s what he liked.”

“He scoffed, and asked if he thinks he’s a girl or something. He raised an eyebrow and said that that’s just how he likes to dress.”

“My brother can hold his own, he’s sweet but doesn’t let anyone push him around, and I was going to talk to bf after dinner to let her know not to do that.”

But few know what OP knows. 

However, I know my brother is much more sensitive than he lets on, so I glanced at him to silently ask if he was ok.”

“He nodded slightly, returning to his food.”

Again, there was more. 

“Bf decided to remark on how he was cutting his food, and asked ‘why is the pansy acting so gay?’ my brother visibly paled ask stuttered out a what, and my mother glared at him and said ‘that language is not acceptable in this house.’ ”

“I agreed, and was getting visibly bothered since I am very protective of my brother. He then started mocking him, called him a slur, and asked if he had a boyfriend.”

Obviously, that was upsetting for nearly everyone. 

“He stood up, visibly on the verge of tears, and said that yes, he does, and he’s not going to let someone he doesn’t even know make him feel horrible for being who he is.”

“After that, he took off crying.”

That left OP at the end of her rope. 

“My dad asked him to leave. I did too, heres where I’m thinking I might be TA.”

“I stood up and yelled at him to get the fu** out of our house, that I was ashamed I was ever seen with someone so vile.”

“I stomped over to the door to the kitchen, pointed, and said ‘back door is that way. see yourself out.’ ”

“He called me a b and said that I had no right to disrespect him for pointing out the obvious, and I repeated that he had better leave right now and that I never wanted to see him again.”

“AITA for losing my cool on my ex bf?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Most Redditors passionately supported OP’s actions.


“NTA! So so so NTA! Thank you and your family for standing up for your brother and not tolerating vile bigotry and homophobia.”

“The only AH here is your ex for not respecting you in your own home and thinking that there wouldn’t be any consequences for his disgusting behaviour.” — LunaTick2

“NTA. He came into your home and disrespected your family, along with the homophobia. You’re better off without him, clearly. Your brother won’t ever forget you standing up for him like that.” — Dellidit

“Definitely NTA. Your ex bf on the other hand, biggest a** in the world, cut him out of your life! You and your brother deserve a lot better!” — Remy987

“NTA, OP, and I want you to think about something – you have now demonstrated to your little brother, whom you love, that you will eject from your life anyone who disrespects him for who he is and who he loves like you’re firing trash from a cannon into the open sewer where it belongs.”

“There isn’t much better way to prove you have his back no matter what.”

“Your parents are also awesome.” — alimck476

A few people had other ideas. 

“Not to mention he also called you a name. He is lucky getting kicked out was all that happened. What a loser. NTA he however is.” — MedusaYHLQMDLG85

“Whoops time to out your ex as the bigot he is to literally everyone you know!”

“Honestly, he’s not afraid to make comments about someone in their own gd house then apparently he’s loud and proud about being a huge jerk.”

“Save all your friends from the huge disappointment his presence turned out to be.” — dreamcager

Here’s hoping OP’s future partners can show a truckload’s worth more tolerance than the last one. 

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.