We all need help sometimes.
Day to day life can be difficult and convoluted and we all need a little assistance with a chore here and there.
The problem can be telling when to ask for help, and when you need to help someone else.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) InternationalPop2660 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
They asked:
“AITA expecting my husband to cook for us while he’s not working?”
OP began with the situation itself.
“My husband broke his ankle and had to have surgery.”
“He has a cast for now and crutches to get around the house and has been home less than a week.”
“Normally we either take turns cooking or cook together when we both get home.”
Then they explained the request.
“But since he’ll be home for a number of weeks I told him he should be covering dinner for us. He said he’d do what he could.”
“The first day all he made is freaking grilled cheese and soup.”
“Stuff like that that doesn’t really constitute a meal or he orders take out.”
“Once in awhile, okay, but it’s been like that ever since he’s been staying home.”
Which led to the problem.
“Yesterday I asked him to do something with more sustenance like a baked dish with a side salad. Protein and vegetable sides.”
“My husband argued and said he didn’t think he’d be able to do something like that because he’s supposed to be staying off that foot as much as possible for the time being.”
“And he brought up being in pain.”
“I totally get the pain but I reminded him that there were ways to make a good dinner even with a broken ankle.”
“He has his crutches, could bring a stool or rolling chair into the kitchen, or get everything to the table and sit to do prep.”
“Instead, he made chili in a slow cooker and had premade salads delivered from the store.”
“I wound up making something for myself instead and told him how I was getting fed up with him disregarding my wishes and feelings.”
“He told me I’m being bossy and need to cut him so slack and he’d go stay with a friend.”
OP was left to wonder,
“He’s been there a whole day and was short with me when I’ve called to get him to talk about this. I don’t think I’m asking too much from him to just cook dinner since he’s home but AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some were in disbelief.
“YTA.”
“He should be off his foot as much as possible. Also he made dinner?!?” ~ Terrible_Dentist3497
“YTA ,”
“Surely this is a joke/bait post.”
“He has a broke ankle and has still been doing his best to take care of dinner for you , and this is the thanks he gets?”
“If I was him and you’d asked me to take care of dinner so soon after I broke my ankle, I’d tell you to take care of it yourself and prop my foot up” ~ SilverSymbiotic
“My first thought was ‘why would you marry someone you obviously hate?”’ ~ qualitylamps
Other responses believed it, but were no less angry.
“Who gives a sh*t about what you want right now?”
“Your husband had MAJOR surgery less than a week ago.”
“A particular surgery that I know can take a person up to four months to recover from.”
“So he doesn’t need to be on his feet, even with the crutches.”
“He needs to be in bed resting and recovery.”
“Not catering to a royally spoiled pain in the a*s like you.”
“If anything, it should be the other way around. Since he’s genuinely hurt and in pain while you’re just a pain. So yeah, YTA.” ~ PhoenixEcho1
“This is the first post after years of lurking that I’m afraid of getting banned over for sharing my real thoughts.”
“This poor man.”
“I’ve been in a relationship like this and it is actually dangerous.”
“Her lack of empathy is terrifying. Super bad vibes. OP you are beyond a doubt an AH. YTA YTA YTA. The fact that you can’t see it make this even scarier ffs.” ~ LSD_IDIOT
“This OP is so callous that this post reeks of rage bait. If not, OP is treating their husband very crappy.”
“This guy broke his ankle less than a week ago.”
“Not only is he in pain and getting used to navigating life with crutches, but OP is breathing down his neck demanding gourmet meals.”
“He sounds like he is doing his best, and I don’t know what more OP expects.”
“Before OP judges, maybe they should try cooking a full meal and taking things in & out of the oven while balancing on one leg/crutches.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
Others embraced sarcasm.
“I’m able bodied and we’ve had takeout twice in the last 7 days because I was suffering from a severe case of the can’tbebothereds.”
“When I broke my knee my husband told me off for making dinner instead of waiting for him to do it.”
“I was in a brace, could weight-bear and walk around just fine but my husband has that weird thing where he cares about my wellbeing and doesn’t want me to put myself in undue pain or discomfort for no reason?”
“Wild, right?” ~ goshyarnit
Of course, there were also personal stories.
“Yeah I can’t with this one. If I express my thoughts I’ll absolutely get banned. AITA does not usually cause me anything near the level of white-hot rage I’m currently feeling.”
“I’m particularly prickly on this one because my husband basically experienced child abuse due to a congenital ankle deformity that required surgeries.”
“And lost tons of weight after each because his asshole family wouldn’t make sure he was fed regularly and he was in too much pain/too hobbled to be able to make his own.”
“He was a teen so I guess they thought he could fend for himself without a working ankle.”
“He and I take care of each other when we’re sick or in pain.”
“Hell he got all over my case when I was trying to do physical work when I had a fairly mild sprain.”
“I don’t know what the actual fuck is wrong with OP, but I hope this has been eye-opening enough for the poor husband for him to go elsewhere.” ~ Mewssbites
“I had foot surgery 2 weeks ago. My husband has stepped up and done everything!”
“Now that I’m starting to get better I’ve started to take back some things (like feed the cat), but making dinner! No way! That’s way too much standing!”
“OP needs to give the husband a break.”
“Allow him to rest and heal.”
“He says he’s in pain and standing for sure makes it worse. What an AH, I hope OP never gets hurt and needs any downtime to recover.” ~ Demikmj
Some responses pointed to Husband’s safety as a concern.
“YTA.”
“Your husband isn’t on vacation, he’s home because he broke his ankle.”
“Not only that, he had SURGERY for it and it’s the FIRST WEEK.”
“He needs to be resting with his leg elevated as much as possible right now.”
“Do you know how much energy it takes the body to heal from surgery and broken bones?”
“A LOT.”
“And you want him to mess his recovery up because you think he should be cooking dinner? Do you want him to ever be able to walk again?”
“You’re being ridiculous.” ~ Disneyland4Ever
“Also, I would NOT want someone who may be taking strong pain killers in the kitchen where he could hurt himself or start a fire.” ~ jinx_lbc
OP returned with some final thoughts
“Edited:”
“Okay i get it I’m the a**hole here and the daughter of satan.”
“Some of you are very protective of your soup and sandwich combo.”
“You have at it, I just can’t stand it because ate too much of it growing up.”
“I will take today and tomorrow off and apologize to my husband and do some nice things for him. I’ll talk to him about having one of our family members come and help me with meal prep.”
“I sincerely thought sitting on a chair was a viable option since he’d be off his foot, guess I was wrong.”
“Edit 2:”
“Yes, I said asking help for meal prep. I work 12 hour days on a loading dock, most my days are on my feet and helping lift stuff or walking around doing inventory and other such tasks.”
“Its physical, its exhausting, spending a chunk of one of my two days off to do meal prep and everything else in the house, yes, I need help somewhere.”
“Its wonderful that some of you or your partners are able to do it all, but that’s you, and not everyone is the same.”
“And some of y’all acting like I’m the only one that likes a clean house.”
“We BOTH do, he’s worse about it than me, especially with cat and dog hair.”
“Meaning I’m also cleaning things that are making him anxious at his request so he won’t be tempted to get up and do it.”
Asking for help can be challenging.
You can feel undeserving of assistance, or like a nuisance.
These are valid – if inaccurate – feelings and it’s always important that you reach out when you need to.
Just remember that you aren’t the only one living through chaos and that sometimes, you are’nt the one who needs the help.