The battle of the sexes is a never ending war.
So that's why it's so nice when someone from one side is willing to learn a lesson.
And embrace a new idea.
However, you're always going to have your detractors.
Case in point...
Redditor ThrowRAZero*ucks wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for putting my husband through my make up routine?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (28 F[emale]) like many women have learned due to the pandemic that I don't have to dress up to societies ridiculous beauty standards."
"Before I use to dress to the nines and made sure I always wore heavy make up like, James Charles, Nikki Tutorials level of make up."
"And made sure my skin was as unblemished and smooth as a baby's skin and were not even gonna get started on my hair situation."
"Well my husband (30 M[ale]) is annoyed by this."
"He said he liked my old look and he's embarrassed to go out with me now that I've decided to be a lazy slob."
"I told him I still dress up when we go on dinner dates, when we have important occasions I just don't feel like wearing make up and heels to go to the grocery store or clean the toilet anymore."
"He said it wasn't that hard to out with some make up and shave."
"So I told him if he thought so then to prove it, go through the same treatment I go through to look good as he put it."
"He agreed because if I've been doing it for years how hard could it be."
"He learned how painful waxing is soon after."
"He learned how long it takes a woman with long thick, waist length hair to wash, dry and style it."
"He learned how uncomfortable wearing certain outfits everyday was for me and since he wanted me to wear make up he had too as well."
"He was in too deep so he let me do his make up."
"I didn't go full drag I only did some stuff that would enhance his features yet show him how much effort goes into make up."
"Needless to say, after a full day of this he told me he was sorry."
"And he didn't realize how much work I put into my appearance."
"I told him to now imagine the woman who go around getting lip fillers and botox and he laughed and said thank God I wasn't that high maintenance."
"We both had a laugh about it and I felt I proved my point."
"Issue, he was talking to his sisters and told them what I did which they found hilarious ."
"Because they too also feel it's about time men understood how much work some women put into their looks."
"Well he told his mom what I did and now she's been calling and texting me about how I abused her son."
"How it's a woman's duty to look good for her husband."
"And how I'm going to drive him away by being a lazy slob and to not be surprised when I end up divorced or cheated on."
"I ignored her but my husband's now defending me from his mother and she's mad that he's defending me."
"Anyway did I mess up? I was just trying to prove a point."
"My mother in law hates me, she wanted her son to marry a tall white, blonde, blue eyed Instagram model who she could be besties with."
"And instead I'm Latina, short and don't agree with her views."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"NTA. But now you can see exactly where your husbands toxic views came from - his mother." ~ dinkydish
"Just in case you only skimmed, hubby actually took the lesson to heart and is defending OP against his mother, so he's an okay guy in the end."
"I do love how the pandemic is helping people cut through the bullshit on a lot of things, and hope it ensures." ~ Docthrowaway2020
"He's an okay guy in the end cause OP had to put him through her entire routine just for him to get the point."
"It shouldn't have to be that hard."
"It's like that one story where the OPs S[ister] I[n] L[aw] ruined an entire bowl of homemade pasta and the husband rugswept his sister's behavior."
"Until his wife basically forced him to make the pasta by scratch by hand."
"Noodle dough, filling and everything."
"And after all that - he finally saw the light."
"It shouldn't take someone going through the exact steps and processes their partner takes to get a point." ~ dinkydish
"In order to only be able to acquire information about these things through personal experience you need to be dismissive when the people who do have personal experience tell you what it's like."
"OP's husband only needed personal experience to understand because he refused to believe that she knew what she was talking about."
"And assumed she must be exaggerating which does in fact suck." ~ majere616
"It's sh**ty in our society that many men can get away with being selfish and small-minded like that (sometimes as probably here, without necessarily even being aware that they are)."
"OP is also completely within her rights to decide that educating her husband in this way is worth the effort to improve their relationship." ~ ActualMassExtinction
"I also think it was pretty cool that he agreed to her experiment."
"Not many men would do that."
"And he is laughing about it with OP and his family."
"He seems very secure."
"Also, he is defending OP against his mother." ~ Able_Secretary_6835
OP came back with some details about mommy dearest...
"Oh she's hated me for years, she still brings up how I stole her wedding experience from her."
"I don't believe in traditional marriage with white dresses and churches."
"Instead we got married at a park."
"My uncles an officiant so he married us and the park was near a beach where we had the reception as a very true stereotype about us Latin people is we do love our huge family outdoor parties."
"We had a cook out and everything, the kids loved being at the beach instead of wearing dresses and suits inside a boring building."
"I also didn't wear a white dress I bought a red sundress and she's never let it go that I ruined her son's wedding despite him having liked it as well."
Reddit continued...
"I think maybe it's a personality thing that some people have and others don't."
"I would never assume something others do was effortless just because I don't personally have the experience of it being difficult."
"And I don't understand why someone would make that assumption."
"Lots of guys shave their face every day."
"I'm a woman and I don't have any facial hair (some women do) so I have no experience with shaving my face."
"But why would I assume it's effortless/easy?"
"It just takes a small amount of critical thinking to realize that there are many steps involved."
"And also that it's easier for some people than others (depending on how dense/coarse their hair is and how sensitive their skin is)."
"I really don't understand why not being familiar with something would ever mean defaulting to 'surely it's easy.'"
"Why not just default to 'I don't know what goes into it' and leave it at that rather than adding onto it 'and I know it can't be that hard' for some reason?" ~ roadsidechicory
"It can be pretty hard to understand problems that you never had to deal with in your live, especially when you've been told it's not a big deal."
"He accepted going through this, and he accepted that he was wrong and completely changed his point of view."
"That's a great quality to have as a partner."
"Also, NTA obviously."
"The only a**hole here is his mom."
"The story has a perfect happy ending where everyone involved is happy."
"But his mom comes along and decides that they are not supposed to be happy like that and complains about everyone." ~ MrKarotti
"Does mom know that even if she get bestie with a tall blonde, blue-eyed insta model, she wouldn't turn into one herself?"
"But it is great that the husband saw the light so fast and is now defending women."
"So many see women get ready in tv or internet and think 'that's just a few minutes, where is the problem?'"
"'She can't even waste a few minutes to look good for meeeee?!'"
"While just splashing water in their face to get ready, haha. NTA." ~ EvilFinch
"NTA. Good for your husband for being open minded."
"Admitting when he was wrong, and also for sticking up for you against his mother... A++!"
"You are a human being, not an art museum."
"His mother's opinion is irrelevant and outdated."
"You did nothing wrong." ~ Otherwise_Maize2281
"NTA but beware OP, you have an unusual human being for a husband."
"As apparently if he doesn't understand your point of view, he will actually let you put him in your exact position so that he can see it from your point of view!! "
"So, don't use this power too much or it might weaken, and don't use this power for Evill!!!" muahahahahahaha
OP, Reddit clearly wants you to do you.
So do you.
It's great that your hubby is willing to learn and embrace.
Good luck with mama....
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.