We all hope that when we start dating someone, our closest friends and loved ones will approve of them, maybe even become friends with them.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, some will even try to sabotage new relationships, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor hikingtripthrowaway never had a good relationship with her husband’s childhood friends, but she never anticipated how they really felt about her.
After a particularly tough weekend, the Original Poster (OP) and her husband were unsure what to do next.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ‘ruining’ my husband’s hiking trip?”
The OP’s husband had an annual hiking trip with childhood friends.
“My ([Female] 27) husband ([Male] 28) and his 4 friends (all male and between the ages of 27-32) have a yearly hiking trip they take for 2 weeks.”
“They have done it for years and it’s fun for me because I really enjoy being alone and it’s fun for my husband because he gets to hang out with his friends.”
“However, within the past couple of years, the camping trip has always ended in a fight/argument that kinda ruined the whole thing. But they were hopeful for this year.”
The OP never really got along with these friends.
“I will preface this by saying I do not like these friends.”
“These friends are ones he’s had since elementary school and they just have formed a lifelong bond, even if they don’t like each other anymore.”
“A month before our wedding, 3 of them decided to take a random trip to Cabo without ‘checking the dates’ and the 4th one was having a baby (obviously we didn’t plan him in the wedding party because of that), but my husband only had one groomsman and no support on his wedding day.”
“They do that kinda crap all the time where my husband is always kinda left in the dust.”
“They also really don’t like me because I helped my husband get sober when we started dating and they don’t like that I took away their ‘real friend.'”
The OP had one request during these hiking trips, which the friends didn’t appreciate.
“So, on these trips, I always just ask that my husband call or text me when they’re winding down at the end of the day so I know he’s alive and well.”
“It doesn’t have to be long, it could just be a quick text, but he always calls, because well… I’m his wife and he likes me.”
“These calls never ever last more than 10 minutes, ever. I usually make him hang up to go have fun.”
“His friends apparently HATE that he calls me or even texts me on this trip at the end of the night.”
The friends tried to stop the calls on the latest trip.
“This came to a point where they hid his phone from him for 2 days just so he wouldn’t call me.’
“I thought he was dead and messaged their respective partners (whom I’m actually pretty decent friends with) about if they had heard from them.”
“One girlfriend called and screamed at her boyfriend to give him his phone back.”
Then the OP discovered the truth about the trip.
“When they finally did, my husband called me in near tears, saying that the trip so far had just been a nightmare and he just wanted to come home.”
“He told me they used the trip as an ‘intervention’ to convince him to divorce me because I am ‘too needy’ and demand ‘too much’ from him.”
“Both of those things are severely untrue. I’m not perfect but I’m certainly not those things.”
The OP decided to inform the girlfriends.
“Anyways, this set me off and I messaged their partners about this.’
“I was really upset and wanted to understand what made them do that.”
“Well, apparently I started a whole storm of them all calling their boyfriends and going off on them for me.”
“I didn’t ask them to do it and I felt bad because I just needed to vent.”
“This made the trip even worse for my husband because they just kept calling me names.”
The OP felt guilty after that.
“Since being home, my husband is not mad at me at all and understands why I did what I did. He knows they’re in the wrong.”
“But now I know I’ve ruined a relationship he’s had for years because I just didn’t keep it to myself and I also ruined a 2 week trip for him.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was absolutely right to speak up for her husband.
“You didn’t ruin anything. You set your husband free of immature toxic people that no one needs in their lives. I’m quite sure your husband is capable of meeting new friends to camp with. You know, grown-ups. Definitely NTA.” – Littleballoffur22
“OP’s husband: I would like to let my wife know I have not perished.”
“The group: Toxic. Whipped. Trip ruined. Life ruined. Leave her.”
“NTA” – Abba_Zaba
“NTA and you didn’t ruin the trip. Once your husband finally got his phone back he already wanted to go home. That’s on his so-called friends, not you.”
“To be honest, even if you were extra needy and demanding you still wouldn’t be the a**hole. It is not their place to judge your marriage and to push him to divorce you is not something they have the authority to do.”
“Your husband just has crap friends.” – Kelli113
Others could only imagine what these men were thinking.
“Your husband actually likes his wife and enjoys talking to her (you).”
“They probably don’t and their jealousy makes them angry.”
“Can you imagine having the unmitigated gall to marry someone you’d rather speak to than text? *shudder* How does your husband live with not being able to make any ball and chain jokes? Oh, the horror! /s (ends sarcastic comment)” – _-Loki
“It’s also very concerning to me that they think they “lost” their friend because he doesn’t drink anymore. That suggests that they don’t know how to have fun without alcohol. Maybe alcohol was all they had in common?” – Lanky-Temperature412
“I think when those groomsmen didn’t show up, that should have ended your husband’s relationship with them right there. They are not nice, and they do not treat him with respect.”
“You didn’t ruin anything. They’re absolute AHs. This is on them.”
“NTA.” – Total-Ad5178
Some were also grateful for the OP giving the women a reality check.
“Honestly you’re a real MVP and probably helped the other women re-evaluate if those guys are worth it. They sound like a toxic bunch and are mad bc now their partners are confronting them about that.”
“Not only that, but you and your husband set the example that not taking/making calls back to the family is not a ‘guy’s thing’ but is a ‘jerk’s thing,’ so any chance they had of pulling this punny excuse is a goner.”
“In short, they’re mad cause they got exposed.” – FlashySeaBunny
“The wives went off on their husbands because they are d**ned tired of their behavior. They had every right to be mad as h**l, too. No, this isn’t on OP.” – Total-Ad5178
“You’re NTA. You didn’t ask them to go off on their partners, and tbh (to be honest), I’m sitting here wondering how these crusty men have partners.”
“They sound like a group of toxic hyper-masculine men: ‘weekends are for the boys’ and ‘ohhhh, you’re whipped/a simp because your wife needs you to call her on a boys trip’ (yes sometimes people do that and it’s for wrong reasons but not in this case, which is why I bring it up).”
“Like no. Gross. But the real thing that bothers me above all is you got your husband SOBER and they respond with ‘you took our real friend away.’ Real friends don’t bond over drugs/alcohol.” – x42069xxx
After reading the comments, the OP posted an update.
“I am so overwhelmed with all the responses and thank you for every kind word said.”
“I just wanted to give an update that my husband (and my husband alone) has decided to go low-contact with the hopes of being no-contact by next year.”
“For personal reasons regarding his parents being in the same town as two of the guys, that I don’t want to get into, he can’t necessarily go completely no-contact, and I also agreed with him on that.”
“He has apologized to me for letting it go on this long but openly admitted that it was an unhealthy attachment he had been desperately holding on to.”
“I am not resentful of him, he is not resentful of me, and we’re excited to grow from it.”
Though the OP could see that her husband was hurt by what happened with his friends, the subReddit reassured her that she and her husband were not in the wrong. If anything, they were an example of a healthy relationship that the other men could learn to grow from under different circumstances.