Every one of us goes through growing pains in our lives, and some of them are for the better.
But it can be a little alarming to our loved ones when the changes, positive or not, seem to happen overnight.
36-year-old Redditor “ThrowRA_healthful” reached out to the “Relationship Advice” subReddit, wondering if she should be worried or attempt to just move on.
The Original Poster (OP) posted:
“My husband (40 [male]) suddenly changed for the better two years ago, but no one shares my concerns about how odd it is that he dramatically became a different person overnight because all his changes were positive”
Though he wasn’t the physically healthiest person, the OP was happy with the man she married.
“When I married my husband, I knew that he was an overweight, lazy video game nerd, and I loved him anyway for his warm heart and kind personality.”
“He detested exercise, stayed a low rank at his career because he put in minimum effort, and we bonded more over activities like watching movies together at home rather than going out.”
All of that changed after the OP’s husband went away with his friends for a weekend.
“He went on this camping trip with his friends two years ago, and did shrooms (he had never done drugs before, and had he consulted me I would’ve told him that was a terrible idea), and when he came home, it was like something had lit a fire under his butt.”
“He completely changed interests—he never played video games again and took up running, reading books even though I’d never seen him read before except for school, and several other completely random hobbies.”
“He became a vegetarian even though, before, he’d been a meat and potatoes guy. He worked harder at his job, then did an accelerated grad school program and ended up making tons more money.”
The OP said he’s a new man.
“I barely recognize him.”
“We still have a good marriage, and I still love him, and he has motivated me to be better in the last two years, but… I can’t help but wonder if those drugs knocked a screw loose.”
“Could this be dangerous? I’m deeply concerned.”
“I know that people change, but about all that’s left of him is his warm heart.”
The OP is alone in thinking something could be wrong.
“No one shares my concerns because all his changes have been positive, but I feel like he’s so different maybe we need marriage counseling so I can adapt, at least…”
Redditors made the point it sounded like there was nothing wrong with her husband.
“I agree and it’s not like he’s doing shrooms all the time now. Everyone has a different experience with shrooms and maybe something about that night made him realize he needed to be a better person. Who knows.”
“OP have you ever tried talking to him about his experience that weekend or with the shrooms ?? Maybe just ask casually out of curiosity.”
“Might give you an insight as to what caused the sudden change. But overall I wouldn’t worry.” – Molly16158
“If a metaphorical ‘screw’ was indeed knocked loose, it sounds like the one that was keeping him immobile and unproductive.”
“The analogy I’m about to make is gross, I know, but it sounds like your husband was spiritually constipated, and the mushrooms were the necessary laxative.”
“The direct effects of the shrooms probably wore off long ago, but now that he’s has a taste of success in his life, he’s not looking back.” – quentinian
“I think more what happened was the drugs knocked whatever was blocking him off loose.”
“It’s quite common after psychedelics, and they are being used more commonly in medicine for this reason (they are a good treatment for PTSD, depression and anxiety, and research into other uses in mental health is ongoing).”
“I get that the sudden personality change might be a lot to get your head round, but it probably is the effect of some sort of healing for your husband, so I wouldn’t necessarily be concerned for him on this basis. Does he seem happier with his life now (it def sounds like it)?” – Calandra205
Some confirmed they also experienced life-altering outlooks after using.
“I’m with you on the life altering revelation after drugs. I broke up with an ex (we’d been together almost 3 years) and really struggled to move on and be happy.”
“7 months later I smoked some weed at a friend’s party, experienced some crazy introspection and made a couple of important realisations.”
“I was able to let go of him and made a decision to go no contact (the change and sticking to it). I needed it and it worked out perfectly.”
“I should mention I’m not a stoner but every single time I’ve had a ‘normal’ amount of weed this year, I’ve had such deep, beautiful realisations I would never have had ‘sober’.” – HoopyWear7
“Not to get too crunchy but it absolutely does change how you think about things.”
“I tripped in the woods that was also a popular trail for dog walking and thought a lot about dogs and no longer got mad at my neighbors barking dogs anymore.” – dj_narwhal
“Shrooms can actually ‘reset’ your depression. So I mean this makes sense to me.”
“And it would be one thing if you’re worried about his mental health because he is not showering, leaving the house or he is becoming obese. He’s making very healthy and rational life choices.”
“If someone is crazy for making their life better then we need to reexamine our views on mental health” – jason544770
“Their whole post is making me go wtf and feel like I’m the crazy one for wondering what she’s even talking about.”
“She’s worried because he’s a better person and shows no signs of it being a temporary thing. I don’t… what?” – NoCurrency6
“Honestly, it sounds like he’s outgrowing her and she doesn’t want him to.” – MadDogMccree
The Reddit community seems to agree, there’s nothing to be worried about concerning the husband’s behavior over the last two years. Perhaps it’s like what some of the Redditors suggested and he discovered what he needed to adopt a healthier lifestyle.
The issue seems to really be with the OP.
Whether she’s worried about being left behind, or a fear he’ll suddenly change again, the OP needs to face those feelings before she can move forward.