When we start dating someone new, we always hope that our closest friends and our family will like and accept our new partner.
But when the time comes to marry them, we especially want our partners to feel accepted and loved.
It doesn't always work out that way, though, confided the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Engagementx1234 was fed up at his own engagement party when some derogatory things about his fiancée.
When he was criticized, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he overreacted.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for kicking my brother out of my engagement party for what he said about my fiancée?"
The OP wanted to introduce his girlfriend to his family.
"I ([Male] 31) met my now fiancee at the clinic I work in (I'm a dentist)."
"She works a lower-paying job at the clinic."
"She's the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful woman I've ever met. She's smart, humble, and has a beautiful smile."
"It was a love of first sight for me and I was lucky that she felt the same way about me."
"I introduced her to my family after 8 months of dating (she wanted to wait because of her fear that my family wouldn't accept her)."
"My sister became her best friend instantly."
"My mom admired her personality and became friends with her mom."
Not everyone liked her, though.
"But my dad and brother kept their distance and made some pretty hurtful comments about how 'incompatible' my fiancee and I were and how I should keep it moving and look for someone 'with a better background'. They never said anything in front of her though."
"I ignored them completely and tried to protect my fiancee from their snide comments, but because mom and others wanted us to visit, then we didn't have much choice."
It came up again at their engagement party.
"Last week we had our engagement party at the restaurant."
"I didn't want my dad or my brother there, but my mom told me to let my dad and brother come since my fiance would notice I didn't invite them and ask questions about it."
"I decided to invite them after mom promised they remain civil and respectful."
"My family arrived together."
"My dad remained quiet then started talking with other guests, so things were going pretty well."
The OP's brother persisted.
"When dinner arrived, my brother sat with us at the table, asking how much money 'I lost' to make this dinner happen then how much my fiancee contributed 'at all'."
"My fiancee and I were talking about her engagement ring, and my brother randomly started singing, 'I ain't saying she a gold digger.'"
"My fiancee and her mom stared at him, and he stopped."
"I gave him a look as a warning for him to knock it off."
"Then I got up from my seat to make a toast, and my brother interrupted me loudly, coughing, 'Prenup!' and everyone heard him and stared awkwardly."
"I was livid. I put my drink down and asked him to see me outside."
"I had an argument with him and told him to leave."
"He acted dumb about how he behaved and Mom got involved."
"I demanded him to leave, and he did after calling me nuts, and Mom and Dad said I shouldn't have kicked him out."
"Dad left shortly after, which made Mom say I caused a scene and ruined my own dinner by kicking my brother out."
"My fiancee was hurt by that, but Mom said my brother cried because I kicked him out and wants us to meet and talk."
"My brother is older than me, he's 37 and divorced."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn't believe the disrespect the OP's brother and dad showed.
"NTA - how dare they disrespect your fiancé, that is crossing the line. I do believe your Dad and brother must talk about their dislike for her A LOT if he had the balls to embarrass you and her at your own party."
"He deserved to get kicked out and you shouldn't feel bad about it at all, nor would I even worry about meeting up with them." - lilyintx
"They didn't disrespect just his fiancé, they disrespected her entire side of the family. Completely unacceptable. Good on OP for not glossing it over, or she'd never have known if she could trust him to be her partner." - Dread314r8Bob
"And how childish was it to blame OP for ruining his own dinner? 'He didn't ruin your dinner...YOU ruined it. NAH NAH NAH NA BOO BOO!!!'"
"In reality, OP saved his dinner by getting rid of the trash person who couldn't and wouldn't behave themselves (despite promising to do so)." - pcnauta
"Yeah, brother knew exactly what he was doing. He intended to ruin your party. Do not invite him to the wedding and tell your mom and dad if they aren't on board they can join him on the uninvited list." - KickballW**re
Others said the brother was divorced and shouldn't speak on someone else's marriage.
"Maybe a nice retort after the 'prenup' cough could have been - 'look - I'm happy. I'm celebrating. and your failed marriage won't change that.'" - effyoucreeps
"Came here to say similar: his marriage failed so he's maybe looking at the world through those lenses. No excuse for acting like he did and not expecting repercussions though. NTA" - Goateed_chocolate
"And the brother is divorced, so he's not one to lecture about marriage."
"Maybe he got clobbered financially in the settlement and that's why he's so bitter and rude, but it's absolutely no excuse to publicly disrespect the fiancée by calling her a gold-digger, disrespecting OP by implying he's a sucker who's being taken for his money, and also the fiancée's family by default."
"Neither the brother nor dad should be allowed at the wedding when it finally happens. The brother is lucky that he was only asked to leave when OP took him outside; I doubt a lot of people would have had that much self-control. NTA" - Far_Administration41
Though the OP was pressured to apologize to his brother, the subReddit thought the brother, father, and maybe even the mother, had another thing coming. Disrespecting someone's partner like that, at an event they organized and paid for, is anything but kind.
The OP and his fiancée likely would need to set new boundaries for visiting with family, not to mention who would be invited to the wedding.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.