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Groom Kicks Brother Out Of Engagement Party After He Insinuates Fiancée Is A Gold Digger

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When we start dating someone new, we always hope that our closest friends and our family will like and accept our new partner.

But when the time comes to marry them, we especially want our partners to feel accepted and loved.

It doesn’t always work out that way, though, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Engagementx1234 was fed up at his own engagement party when some derogatory things about his fiancée.

When he was criticized, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he overreacted.

He asked the sub:

“AITA for kicking my brother out of my engagement party for what he said about my fiancée?” 

The OP wanted to introduce his girlfriend to his family.

“I ([Male] 31) met my now fiancee at the clinic I work in (I’m a dentist).”

“She works a lower-paying job at the clinic.”

“She’s the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She’s smart, humble, and has a beautiful smile.”

“It was a love of first sight for me and I was lucky that she felt the same way about me.”

“I introduced her to my family after 8 months of dating (she wanted to wait because of her fear that my family wouldn’t accept her).”

“My sister became her best friend instantly.”

“My mom admired her personality and became friends with her mom.”

Not everyone liked her, though.

“But my dad and brother kept their distance and made some pretty hurtful comments about how ‘incompatible’ my fiancee and I were and how I should keep it moving and look for someone ‘with a better background’. They never said anything in front of her though.”

“I ignored them completely and tried to protect my fiancee from their snide comments, but because mom and others wanted us to visit, then we didn’t have much choice.”

It came up again at their engagement party. 

“Last week we had our engagement party at the restaurant.”

“I didn’t want my dad or my brother there, but my mom told me to let my dad and brother come since my fiance would notice I didn’t invite them and ask questions about it.”

“I decided to invite them after mom promised they remain civil and respectful.”

“My family arrived together.”

“My dad remained quiet then started talking with other guests, so things were going pretty well.”

The OP’s brother persisted.

“When dinner arrived, my brother sat with us at the table, asking how much money ‘I lost’ to make this dinner happen then how much my fiancee contributed ‘at all’.”

“My fiancee and I were talking about her engagement ring, and my brother randomly started singing, ‘I ain’t saying she a gold digger.'”

“My fiancee and her mom stared at him, and he stopped.”

“I gave him a look as a warning for him to knock it off.”

“Then I got up from my seat to make a toast, and my brother interrupted me loudly, coughing, ‘Prenup!’ and everyone heard him and stared awkwardly.”

“I was livid. I put my drink down and asked him to see me outside.”

“I had an argument with him and told him to leave.”

“He acted dumb about how he behaved and Mom got involved.”

“I demanded him to leave, and he did after calling me nuts, and Mom and Dad said I shouldn’t have kicked him out.”

“Dad left shortly after, which made Mom say I caused a scene and ruined my own dinner by kicking my brother out.”

“My fiancee was hurt by that, but Mom said my brother cried because I kicked him out and wants us to meet and talk.”

“My brother is older than me, he’s 37 and divorced.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some couldn’t believe the disrespect the OP’s brother and dad showed. 

“NTA – how dare they disrespect your fiancé, that is crossing the line. I do believe your Dad and brother must talk about their dislike for her A LOT if he had the balls to embarrass you and her at your own party.”

“He deserved to get kicked out and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all, nor would I even worry about meeting up with them.”lilyintx

“They didn’t disrespect just his fiancé, they disrespected her entire side of the family. Completely unacceptable. Good on OP for not glossing it over, or she’d never have known if she could trust him to be her partner.”Dread314r8Bob

“And how childish was it to blame OP for ruining his own dinner? ‘He didn’t ruin your dinner…YOU ruined it. NAH NAH NAH NA BOO BOO!!!'”

“In reality, OP saved his dinner by getting rid of the trash person who couldn’t and wouldn’t behave themselves (despite promising to do so).”pcnauta

“Yeah, brother knew exactly what he was doing. He intended to ruin your party. Do not invite him to the wedding and tell your mom and dad if they aren’t on board they can join him on the uninvited list.”KickballW**re

Others said the brother was divorced and shouldn’t speak on someone else’s marriage.

“Maybe a nice retort after the ‘prenup’ cough could have been – ‘look – I’m happy. I’m celebrating. and your failed marriage won’t change that.'”effyoucreeps

“Came here to say similar: his marriage failed so he’s maybe looking at the world through those lenses. No excuse for acting like he did and not expecting repercussions though. NTA”Goateed_chocolate

“And the brother is divorced, so he’s not one to lecture about marriage.”

“Maybe he got clobbered financially in the settlement and that’s why he’s so bitter and rude, but it’s absolutely no excuse to publicly disrespect the fiancée by calling her a gold-digger, disrespecting OP by implying he’s a sucker who’s being taken for his money, and also the fiancée’s family by default.”

“Neither the brother nor dad should be allowed at the wedding when it finally happens. The brother is lucky that he was only asked to leave when OP took him outside; I doubt a lot of people would have had that much self-control. NTA”Far_Administration41

Though the OP was pressured to apologize to his brother, the subReddit thought the brother, father, and maybe even the mother, had another thing coming. Disrespecting someone’s partner like that, at an event they organized and paid for, is anything but kind.

The OP and his fiancée likely would need to set new boundaries for visiting with family, not to mention who would be invited to the wedding.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.