Figuring out who gets what after someone dies is never easy.
Well, it could be easy.
But more often than not, loved ones make it arduous.
A lot of the time, everything is not in legal order.
However, when it is in legal order, some people still make a fuss.
Death as a whole is just never easy.
A sibling found themselves in a personal dilemma after their brother passed away, so they turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH for evicting my deceased brother's fiancé?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My brother passed away recently, and he had a live-in partner/fiancée."
"Both of my parents have passed, and so has my sister. "
"So that leaves me as his next of kin. "
"The house my brother lived in was my grandparents' house."
"He purchased it in 2021, after they passed away."
"We grew up in that house, and I have a massive connection to that home."
"It's the only thing I have left of my family, I'm the only one left."
"Since I'm the next of kin, I inherited the house. "
"I offered his partner, let's say his name is Steve, that he could continue to live there if he paid the mortgage and the property taxes."
"Similar to renting."
"Steve said he couldn't afford it and asked me to sell instead. "
"He requested information on the kind of profits he would be receiving/inheriting from the house."
"I told him even if he wasn't living there, I inherited the house, I won't be selling, and he won't be inheriting any money from it. "
"He demanded that I sell, and that he would take me to court over the inheritance."
"I pleaded to his sensibilities; this was my family home, he was my only connection to my brother, left, and he refused."
"So I offered to pay for an apartment for him for a year, since I'm also my brother's named life insurance beneficiary. "
"Steve demanded everything, including the life insurance, despite my telling him I'm named."
"I told him he wasn't getting anything and needed to leave my family's house after he threatened to take me to court a second time."
"He refused, so I filed for eviction."
"I was also told to add to my post: Steve and my brother were together for 6 years, engaged for 2 prior to his death."
"My brother and I had talked a few months before his death about how sure, they were engaged, but he was probably never going to get married (not sure if this was due to the new administration and concerns around how the same-sex marriage law may change, or if their relationship was rocky)."
"1 year prior to my brother's death, he got a new job and named me as his life insurance beneficiary."
"After they were already engaged."
"Common law doesn't exist in my state, and Steve never paid into the house at all."
"My brother paid all of their bills.'
"I paid the mortgage on my family home for the last year, and just recently talked to Steve after the estate went through probate."
"I can't afford to pay both mortgages regularly."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITAH for evicting my deceased brother's fiancé?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. If your brother had wanted his partner to inherit his home or life insurance policy, he would have named him as the beneficiary."
"Don't give Steve anything."
"Proceed with the eviction, but make sure you are running everything past a lawyer."
"Let Steve take you to court if he wants." ~ MrsSEM84
"NTA. You were generous in your offers to allow Steve to stay and to rent him an apartment."
"He chose not to accept and to demand everything your brother owned."
"If your brother had wanted his unmarried partner to be his beneficiary, he needed to write a will and change his life insurance."
"Your brother didn't do that." ~ teresajs
"Perhaps it's the cynic in me, but seeing the edit and how the brother set things up, I do wonder if he saw this relationship continuing."
"While we all handle grief differently, the fiancée is experiencing grief."
"The fact that they demanded the house sold because they couldn't afford to rent it, then the moment they realised there was more to be had, they demanded that."
"I get the impression this entitlement and expectation to have someone else care for them was something the brother had seen." ~ Hoplite68
"It looks from some other posts that you had some health issues/cancer about a year ago."
"That may explain why your brother chose to leave you his life insurance, in addition to the house."
"Regardless, he made his decisions."
"You have been more than kind, but it is time to implement his estate plan."
"Steve will never change."
"Finish this up and move on." ~ Bluebelle100
"NTA, but this is exactly why I would never build a life with someone who wouldn't legally marry me."
"You have nooo rights once they're gone." ~ SnailandPepper
"This happened to my husband's grandfather's girlfriend at 95 years old."
"It made me see my in-laws in a totally different light."
"Gave her 1 month to pack up and leave."
"They were together for over 20 years."
"That woman was the kindest woman."
"She was just told the date and time of the funeral."
"She was treated horribly and was sequestered to the back row of the funeral service." ~ Imaginary_Theory1539
"Time to go to your local court and initiate the eviction process."
"Do NOT be extorted into paying a year's rent." ~ madskills60
"I think it sucks for the surviving spouse/significant other to be kicked out of a home they lived in together."
"This happens so frequently to those."
"Not married."
"His whole life was destroyed."
"Now he is being forced out of the home they shared."
"But, brother should have made provisions."
"My mom lost her partner of 30-plus years."
"His kids thought they could swoop down and take everything from her."
"Luckily, they made provisions."
"They got their share of the house when it sold."
"But they did not get anything else."
"Unless it was offered to them."
"My mom and her significant other built a life, but they were smart." ~ speee2dy
"NTA, sorry you're going through this."
"I had to deal with something similar when my grandfather passed. "
"Peace and love to you." ~ rational_humanity
"NTA. If the fiancé had been contributing, it would be different."
"For me, the deciding factor was that the life insurance, which was after the engagement, listed you as the beneficiary and not his partner."
"If he was concerned about his partner's ability to manage the finances, he could have set up a trust and asked you to administer it."
"The house being passed to you, regardless of whether they were married, makes sense given your family connection to the home." ~ jennifer79t
"NTA. You have every right to evict Steve."
"If your brother wanted Steve to get anything, your brother would have made arrangements."
"He didn't."
"I'd suggest you consult with an attorney before offering to pay rent, etc."
"I'm not an attorney, but you appear to be in a good place legally."
"This situation is interesting." ~ FlashyHabit3030
"NTA, but I have a feeling that this isn't over."
"I'd expect to find him contesting everything from the eviction to the will."
"I understand he's in pain, but he doesn't have a leg to stand on."
"He could have actually benefitted from your brother's passing, but he wanted to be a di*k to his partner's next of kin."
"Look, if your brother wanted his partner to have a stake in the home, then your brother would have married him or put him on the deed."
"Do not feel guilty. But please UpdateMe!" ~ Dewhickey76
"NTA. Although I'm sure he's behaving this way out of grief."
"People do crazy things when they're grieving, so try to have a little Grace in that sense only."
"It's your family home, and you're doing the right thing."
"You tried to give him other options, which, in my opinion, was way more than generous enough."
"I am very, very sorry for your loss."
"I wish you the best of luck during this terrible time." ~ Equal_Language403
"NTA. Married is married, and not married is not married."
"He has zero claim to anything."
"If your brother wanted his fiancé to get the house, he would have made those arrangements, probably by marrying him."
"I'm sorry about your losses."
"You were exceedingly generous by offering an apt for a season."
"You're not responsible for your brother's partner."
"He is very naive if he expects anything." ~ FamiliarFamiliar
OP returned to chat...
"After everyone speculated on their relationship and the potential issues, it raised a red flag for me."
"So I had a conversation last night with my brother's best friend, 'Anna.'"
"I told her what was going on, asked for some insight, and immediately she told me not to give him anything."
"She said she would testify to this if necessary, but that Steve and my brother were having MAJOR problems."
"My brother tried working it out for the last year of his life, trying to see the relationship through, but nothing was changing."
"Steve was using my brother at every turn."
"About a week before he passed away, he gave him a month to pack up and leave."
"I hadn't talked to my brother since Christmas, a couple of weeks prior, so I had no idea."
"I will be discussing this with my attorney at this point."
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your brother's partner is out of line.
You have to protect what is yours and your brother's.
Sorry for your loss.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.