Financial entanglements with friends or family can be subject to pressures not present when dealing with strangers. Close relationships can lend themselves to requests for favors that wouldn't otherwise be appropriate and entitled behavior.
A young homeowner turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
SyketTheFroog asked:
"AITAH for giving my mom an eviction notice on her birthday?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"For context, I lived with my mother and her husband after graduating high school, despite wanting to get my own apartment, because her husband was injured and refused to work."
"I stayed and paid rent so they wouldn’t lose their house."
"I was supposed to pay $600 a month, but my mother kept asking me to help with bills or pay extra, which resulted in me paying up to $2000 a month at times, not including what I would spend on groceries for everyone."
"She also had me pull loans out in my name for her, because if she didn’t get money we would lose the house and be homeless."
"This went on for a long time, and then her husband threatened divorce. He said that my sister or I needed to buy the house, or he was going to sell it to some rando for $100,000 less within the week."
"My mother and my sister both pressured me into buying it, 'or I would let them all be homeless,' and pressured a friend to co-sign with me. He was excited to buy a house so he agreed."
"I made it clear that I was not ready to buy a house, and that if I did this, they needed to pull their weight, especially financially, because my friend and I could not afford the payments on our own."
"My sister paid 2.5 months of rent and then didn’t pay anything for 5 months, saying she needed to prioritize other payments and groceries and etc..., her boyfriend that moved in with us was always behind and hasn’t paid in 3 months. My mother is also about 3 months behind."
"We’ve tried having deep talks, explaining that if they don’t pay we’re going to lose utilities and eventually get the house foreclosed on, but they never took it seriously. They just nodded and said 'I’ll pay with my next check' which, surprise surprise, they never did."
"Not to mention they had horrible spending habits, wasting money on gambling, drinking, toys and expensive food."
"Me and my friend have been giving our entire checks just to make house payments and living off of chicken and rice we bought for cheap in bulk. While they often go to the bar and waste their money, then get expensive fast food after."
"We finally hit our limit, and got the official eviction paperwork."
"We meant to give it to them two days prior, but my mother told us she had just scheduled a surgery, and that she’d be out of work for two months with no income. When I asked her what her financial plan was, and reminded her that we are very close to losing the house because no one is paying their rent, she said 'I don’t know, but you’ll take care of me right?'."
We gave them the notices the next day. Which unfortunately landed on her birthday. They spent the day bar hopping, so we left the notices for them before we left for work."
"Needless to say they’re pissed. Saying that I’m unfair and cruel, and making claims that they were going to pay but they were just waiting. Proving to me that those are just excuses, and they were still going to prioritize their own wants and needs."
"My mother even threw in my face that I had the audacity to do this when my grandmother is dying."
"My financial future is f*ked, I’m uncomfortable in my own home, and working myself ragged with 50 hour work weeks just to try and make the difference of what they’re not paying."
"Please tell me, AITAH?"
The OP later added:
"They used the money they got when we bought the house off them to pay off their debts. Supposed to be a fresh start for everyone."
"You can tell how that went. I thought the best thing I could do was support my family and keep them together. I’ve been too ignorant for too long."
"I work in fast food management. Threw myself into working as soon as I turned 16. Almost didn’t graduate high school, but worked hard enough to get promoted and get good hours."
"Thinking back to what I could have had, and where I could have been financially if I had said no and moved on is incredibly sobering."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to take action once it became clear his family had no intention of paying rent (NTA).
"NTA. Sell the house and move far away. Go no contact or you'll be supporting these leeches your entire life." ~ Visual-Accountant425
"Or, if selling would be a significant financial loss, evict ALL your exploiting leeching family, continue living in the house, and rent out a couple rooms." ~ MidwestNormal
"Sell the house and go no contact for a time, if not permanently—these people do not care about you, OP. They see you struggling. They don't care."
"They DO have money, but they'd rather spend it on themselves because they know you'll support them. So I guarantee they will land on their feet when you are no longer footing the bill or suffer the consequences they deserve."
"Sell the house and focus entirely on yourself for a while, get yourself back onto good financial ground. Without a bunch of vampires sucking you dry, you'll be shocked how fast you see your recovery go."
"And by the way, it is NEVER a good time to evict someone. Someone is always dying. It's the season of a holiday. They are going through a personal crisis, etc...."
"You have been pushed well past your limit, and this is the result of their personal choices. NTA." ~ JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"Your mother 100% ruined her own birthday. And like she even cares. It's just more abusive, manipulative shaming attempts, because these leeches have ZERO morals, and know that you do."
"Time to cut out such abuse from your life. They have abandoned you, not the other way around." ~ Simon-Says69
"Birthday? She's been ruining your entire LIFE for years. NTA." ~ One-Employee9235
"Don’t feel guilty. There’s an old saying that, they know what buttons to push to make you feel guilty because they installed them."
"Please walk away. I know they’re 'family' but they’re really not—true family doesn’t do this to someone they love." ~ avesthasnosleeves
"NTA. She's been trying to ruin your entire life. Her birthday seems like a good day to give her a reality check." ~ MajorNoodles
"You feel guilty because you have been conditioned your whole life to be responsible for your mother's emotional state. But that isn't true. This outcome is the consequence of her own actions." ~ evil_loves_music
"Your mum, her partner and your sister sound awful. You deserve so much better! Kick them out, sell the house and move on with your life—without the burden of them!" ~ Frequent_Army_5786
"NTA. Clearly, you have been manipulated by your mother, her husband, and your sister. You are the family mule. Put a stop to that now by following through on the eviction and then do what you need to do to get your financial life in order."
"Do not allow any of them to guilt you into continuing to be their mule. Sell that house if you cannot afford it and find another place to live."
"It's horrible what they have done and are doing to you. Stand up for yourself right now and mean it. You are not their lifelong servant. Let your mother's husband step up and take care of his own business which includes your mother." ~ Realistic_Head4279
"NTA, but you made a lot of mistakes. You shouldn’t have agreed to buy that house or take out loans for your mother. You should have cut the cord years ago." ~ BookishIntrovert99
"Take the lesson and move forward. The less contact, the better. They will continue to try to guilt you for putting yourself first when they have been doing just that for years."
"Times are not easy right now, but you have a brighter future to look forward to when you make your needs and wamts a priority."
"It's not just your financial health that's taken a hit, it's also your emotional and mental health to think about. Stress is more powerful and detrimental than we give it credit." ~ ChocolateDiamonds777
The OP and their friend need to consider their futures. Neither can afford to continue to give OP's family a free ride.
