Living in a wheelchair comes with numerous challenges.
Sadly, far too many places remain inaccessible for wheelchair bound customers, who also continue to receive far too many pitiful glances from others.
One challenge that should not come with being wheelchair bound, however, is spending less and less time with your significant other.
After Redditor Throwaway64246 found herself wheelchair bound, she found herself spending far less time with her husband, who instead chose to leave her with his mother-in-law for hours on end.
Something the original poster (OP), simply couldn’t tolerate after her husband lied to her about his whereabouts, leading her to find her own way home.
But after her husband got mad at her for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for going home after my husband left me alone at his mom’s house?”
The OP shared that after she became dependent on a wheelchair, she managed to become self-sufficient in many departments, with one notable exception, and her husband’s solution for this was less than satisfactory.
I (28 F[emale]) am wheelchair user.”
“Have been in a wheelchair since 2019.”
“I had learned to do most things on my own, but transportation falls solely on my husband, (34 M[ale]).”
“Meaning he’s the one who takes me places, say the mall or pharmacy.”
“Lately, he’s been leaving me at my mother-in-law [MIL]’s place and disappearing for hours.”
“His mom’s really sweet and makes feel comfortable, but I just don’t like being away from home for a long time.”
“He would say he’s late due to work or traffic, sometimes he turn his phone off and be unavailable.”
“Sometimes he’d only respond when his mom calls.”
The OP thought that this might change, however, when she thought she would be attending a party with her husband, but found herself in for a very unpleasant surprise.
“A few days ago he told me he wanted to go to friend’s engagement dinner party.”
“I said I wanted to go with him but he said it’d be better if I stayed with his mom til he get back.”
“I said I’d rather stay home but he got mad at me and said he’d take me with him.”
“He stopped by his mom’s house and dropped me there.”
“I asked him why we were at his mom’s house and not his friend’s party.”
“He said he had an hour before the event and had to get some work done urgently and he’d come back for me and we’d go together to the party.”
“He left and I stayed inside with his mom.”
“We talked and she brought me coffee and sweets.”
“An hour went by and I started calling him.
“He didn’t respond at first but then turned his phone off later.”
“I felt so mad I kept calling despite knowing his phone was off.”
“I asked his mom to try calling him and it was still turned off.”
“I waited 3 hours and I just knew he lied about taking me to the party.”
“I called my sister to take me home but MIL insisted I stay with her because he told her to not let me go anywhere unless he return.”
“I ended up going home and my sister stayed with me for the night because he was still unreachable.”
“He returned the next day looking upset saying I shouldn’t have left his mom’s house and gone anywhere without waiting for him.”
“I asked him where he was and he admitted to lying about taking me to the party saying it would’ve been boring and uncomfortable for me and thought I’d enjoy staying with his mom and looking at her new plants instead.”
“He then explained that he got drunk and had to sleep at a friend’s place and left his phone off.”
“We had the biggest argument about it and I told him that he what he did was unacceptable but he said I overreacted because it wasn’t like he ditched me at some public place and said that by leaving I hurt both his and his mom’s feelings.”
“I said I won’t argue about this anymore but he said that I acted childishly throwing a fit over not attending some 3hr event that he himself thought was trashy and classless.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for calling her sister to take her home.
Everyone was horrified by the behavior of the OP’s husband, with some even labeling it as abuse and wondering how often he’s been lying to her, with many others urging her to file for divorce.
“NTA.”
“Um, why are you staying with your husband at this point?”
“He’s ditching you at his mom’s repeatedly to go off and do whatever.”
“He doesn’t seem to care about your wants.”
“How on earth were his feelings hurt by you leaving his mom’s house?”
“It sounds like he’s up to something and is trying to keep you out of his way.”- lihzee
“NTA.”
“Your husband is lying to you.”
“What, specifically, he is hiding is debatable, but he has empowered his mom as a co-conspirator, even if she is not aware of the details, in his scheme.”
“He is using your wheelchair-bound mobility as a way to do other things w/o you.”
“I’m so sorry you are in this situation.”
“But you are absolutely NTA.”
“Your husband is gaslighting you on a major level.”- GrandpaJoeSloth
“NTA.”
“Was he always this controlling about where you could go or did this controlling behavior start only after you became wheelchair bound?”
“I don’t like his behavior.”
“He’s controlling, dishonest, and manipulative.”
“He’s treating you like an invalid because you are in a wheelchair.”
“If he can’t treat you like a normal wife and partner, do you really want to be in a relationship with him?”
“Also, I hate to speculate, but I would wonder if he was out with another woman, because why couldn’t he answer his phone at all during the night, even if he was drinking?”- Ok-Succotash7483
“NTA.”
“Already seeing comments suggesting he’s cheating.”
“To be honest, whether he is or isn’t doesn’t really shift the needle.”
“In fact, if he’s not cheating, that potentially says worse things about his character.”
“He’s treating you like an inconvenience, more like a thing than a person.”
“It’s almost like he wants ‘adult’ time so drops you off to his mum to look after you.”
“It’s all messed up whichever way you look at it and he’s a major AH regardless of the deep mysterious reasons.”
“The one that really has me curious though is why does he drop you off at his mum’s when you’d be perfectly happy staying at home?”- Mr_Ham_Man80
“This is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT ABUSE.”
“He is taking advantage of your condition and abandoning you because he KNOWS you are physically unable to stop him.”
“He is sick and this is disgusting.”
“I think you need to treat this as a real wake-up call.”
“It blows my mind that he is gaslighting you and blaming you for it.”
“Honey this is like a code red warning I need you to see how messed up this is.”
“No one deserves to be lied to and abandoned like this.”
“NTA but I would have been considering divorce the MOMENT my husband ever treated me this way.”- definitelyjanine5
“Time for divorce, he is cheating.”
“NTA.”- CatrosePro54
“NTA he is cheating on you and having his mother babysitting you while he cheats so you won’t catch him.”- kaylonwolf
“Please leave him.”
“NTA.”
The writing is on the wall that he’s all but having an affair, and the AP was most likely going to the party.”
“Or he’s met someone and has lied about you, and sadly I think your MIL knows.”
“The event was only 3 hours but he spent the whole night out?”
“Please don’t be the AH to yourself in letting this man treat you like this.”-latefordinner__
“NTA.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong and there’s huge red flags here.”
“Dumping you with his mum is shocking behaviour and shows a huge lack of respect for the both of you.”
“The added comment of making sure you don’t go anywhere tells me he has something to hide.”-Helpful-Tap-4088
“I’m sorry to say, but you have a much bigger problem than your husband leaving you at your MIL’s house.”
“In a healthy marriage, a spouse does not lie, turn off their phone, and then get mad at a grown adult for not wanting to be babysat by mommy while they voluntarily attended a ‘trashy and classless’ event.”
“He’s checked out of this marriage.”
“Completely.”
“NTA.”
“You were right in refusing to stay there.”
“He doesn’t get to decide that for you.”
“That really doesn’t even begin to address the issue you have here, though.”
“I wish you well.”
“This doesn’t sound good.”- Total-Being-4278
The complete and utter disregard the OP’s husband has for her is alarming to say the least.
Maybe this latest episode was the wake-up call he needed, and will be more attentive to her needs going forward.
Otherwise, saying the chances of this marriage succeeding are slim would be an enormous understatement.