One should always try to remain on good terms with their ex-spouse following a divorce.
Particularly if there are children involved.
Even if there will always be a reminder of significant pain and sadness, which likely will never go away, staying on good terms will be hugely beneficial to the children, keeping a semblance of the family dynamic in place.
Aware that he was responsible for the collapse of his marriage, Redditor binkies123 made an effort to show his ex-wife and children how much he cared for them.
So much so, that after a lucky change in his circumstance, the original poster (OP) even decided to reward them a substantial amount of money.
A gesture which the OP’s current girlfriend did not appreciate one bit, and wasn’t afraid to tell him so.
Wondering if he was being insensitive to his girlfriend, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for giving my ex wife a large amount of money I won despite the anger of my gf?”
The OP explained how after an unexpected moment of good luck saw him come into a large amount of money, he felt it was only right to share some of his winnings with his ex-wife and children, something his current girlfriend profusely objected to.
“I recently won a ‘f*ck you’ amount of money.”
“I won’t say exactly how much but it’s in the millions.”
“It makes me feel funny even typing It’s enough to change the life of myself and my family.”
“My ex wife is the mother of my 2 kids.”
“She is an amazing woman and good to the bone.”
“We divorced 6 years ago because I had an affair with my current partner.”
“I was in a low place in my life and I f*cked up.”
“She was in incredible pain but, like a fucking saint, she allowed me to still see our kids who mean the world to me, allowed our divorce to be as pain free as possible despite the fact that I know she was hurting.”
“She still is close with my parents.”
“She is respectful to me although she refuses to talk to my gf.”
“She was actually the first person I phoned after my mom and pops after I found out I won the lottery.”
“She was pleased for me, joked that I could take the kids on a world round trip, and that was that.”
“Nothing else.”
“As soon as I won, I knew I wanted to give her a significant amount.”
“I still love her.”
“She’s the mother of my babies and I feel like this is some small tiny way I can show her that I’m not a complete f*ck up.”
“She deserves to know that I care despite my mistakes.”
“She also works a sh*tty job in the public library which pays her peanuts.”
“She would actually be able to pursue her hobbies this way.”
“Give our kids a better life between us.”
“I hadn’t discussed this with my ex yet, but I have with my parents who strongly agree and my lawyer who was very surprised but on board.”
“Long story short, when I told my gf, she was livid.”
“Screaming that I’m disrespecting her, accusing me of still being in love with my ex wife.”
“I’m not in love with her.”
“We’ve both grown apart, but of course I still love her for being an excellent co parenting partner and mother to my kids.”
“My gf is threatening to break up with me, and tbh I’m feeling incredibly relieved over the threats.”
“I don’t plan on changing my plans, but AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for wanting to give part of his winnings to his ex-wife and children.
Everyone agreed that not only could the OP do what he wanted with his money, but that his plan to give it to his family was right and generous, while many urged him to seriously think if it was a good idea to stay in this relationship.
“NTA.”
“Your money, your decision.”
“I suspect the anger from your gf is probably just insecurity given the nature of how your relationship with her started.”- cadusn
“NTA.”
“At the end of the day, you still shared a lot with your ex-wife and that probably intimidates your girlfriend.”
“In my eyes, the girlfriend is being extremely childish in this situation, and the fact that you’re feeling relieved about her threats says a lot about you too.”
“Perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship and just focus on giving your kids the best lives possible now you’ve got the means to do so.”- You_just_never_know
“NTA.”
“If you intended for the money to help out her and your kids.”
“If you only intended to give it to her because you ‘love’ your ex wife then you’re a bit of an a**hole (ESH) for making your current girlfriend a ‘plan b’.”
“The way she reacted was a little over the top, but to be expected since you are giving money to another woman, that you used to be married to.”
“Otherwise, you do have kids to provide for and it’s none of her business because you’re not married and you don’t share the money.”
“Just a question, did she know you had a wife when you had an affair with her?”
“Because if she did then the whole ‘disrespecting her’ is a load of bullsh*t because she did the same thing to your ex wife.”- Safahri
“NTA.”
“The fact that you called her first means you still hold her dear in your heart and the maturity she showed after you destroyed her makes me understand why.”
“Give her the money you were planning to give, give her double even.”
“But your GF is a witch if she can’t understand that you have kids that deserve to partake of their father’s wealth.”
“Also the fact you haven’t married your GF after 6 years together shows how you feel about her.”
“Break up with her and enjoy your money with your real family.”- Strivingtosucceed
“NTA.”
“But what I will say, is that I think your current GF is in an unenviable position.”
“While she’s wrong to resent you giving money to the mother of your children, the way you talk does sound like you’re still in love with your ex-wife, and that you consider cheating with your current GF as the biggest mistake of your life.”
“Just by the way you write, it sounds like you, rightly, accept that what you did was wrong, but also that you believe you would have been happier if you’d never met your GF.”
“If I’ve picked up on this, and assuming I’m not a million miles off the mark, it’s reasonable to assume your gf has too, which may explain her reaction.”
“You were wrong to string her along for this long, especially as you now seem to feel happy she’s talking about ending it.”
“You should have broken up with her a long time ago, it seems.”- queenofthera
“NTA.”
“I raised an eyebrow when you said you still ‘love’ your ex-wife, but your explanation of your feelings made complete sense to me.”
“Clearly it’s not anything romantic.”
“Is it so strange that you want to give money to the mother of your children, who, from the sound of it, is taking care of them most of the time?”
“I think your gf is being irrational and entitled, especially considering that it’s your money, not yours and hers.”
“You can do whatever you want with it.”
“Your ex-wife sounds like a saint for how well she dealt with the fallout of your marriage, she deserves the money.”
“Congratulations on the win, OP.”
“Some unwarranted advice, but if you aren’t already reconsidering your relationship with your gf, you probably should.”
“Especially if she cheated with you knowingly.”
“Just saying.”- popletti
“Personally, I think this is nuanced.”
“NTA for giving the money to the mother of your children, therefore improving their lives immensely. Kids come first, and providing equally wonderful living situations in both homes is really a good choice IMO.”
“However, based on the info in your post, I think there’s more to it than that, by your own words, you still love your ex wife, and want to prove something to her.”
“While I don’t like that your GF doesn’t want you to give Ex-Wife any money, I’m not surprised by her insecurity about it and about how you still feel about Ex-Wife.”
“So you still suck a little, but the act of improving your ex-wife’s and kids’ lives is not immoral.”
“If your wife wanted to date you again, would you?”
“Given the information you’ve provided about how you feel about her, I don’t really understand why you are still with your girlfriend.”
“I’m completely open to being wrong here, but based on what I’ve read from your post and some comments, it kind of sounds like you’d just rather not be alone.”
“Having an affair with your now-girlfriend was a big mistake, which cost you your marriage.”
“But you still love your ex-wife.”
“Are you just committed to the mistake you made, since it’s in your opinion better than being single?”- aitathrowawayx
A father’s first priority is always the safety and well-being of his children.
Something the OP’s girlfriend should be able to understand, making her reaction to the OP giving them and their mother money all the more surprising.
One can’t help but wonder if this relationship might not be one worth fighting for, particularly as the OP less than subtly hinted that he might want out of it.