There are very few people who haven't told a little white lie to get out of something.
Up to and including work.
These lies include a fake illness, a broken refrigerator, flat tire, sick babysitter.
More often than not, these lies resulted in no consequences for anyone.
But when these little fibs affect other people, the situation stops being harmless.
Such was sadly the case for Redditor Throwaway97499456, who was outraged when her husband lied to her boss so that she would miss work to attend a family gathering.
Wondering if she overreacted, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
AITA for flipping out at my husband for lying to my boss and telling him that I had a miscarriage?
After first sharing some good news on her familial front, the OP explained that her husband rather resented how much time she spends at her job, even going so far as to accuse her of prioritizing it over her family.
"I (29 F[emale]) found out that I'm pregnant recently."
"I work a full time job and so I'm fairly busy."
"Unlike my husband (31 M[ale]) who only works part time and has plenty of time to spare."
"He visits his family almost daily."
"He also complains about how I keep missing events that I think aren't that relevant because my inlaws literally have a party every week."
"He told me that his mom has picked up on my absence and said that it's affecting how she sees me and the way I prioritize work over family."
"I had this conversation with him and his mom a hundred times but to no avail."
"Last week, he wanted me to attent his cousin's gender reveal party."
"I refused because I had work."
"He told me to take the day off but that wasn't possible due to how much work I needed tp get down."
"He pitched a hissy fit saying I'm prioritizing work over family and got mad when I told him that a relative's gender reveal party wasn't that important to attend."
Eventually, the OP's husband took matters into his own hands, much to the OP's horror.
"The next day, and unbeknowest to me, he sent my boss a text using my phone pretending to be me, telling him that I was at the hospital because I was having a miscarriage."
"I could not believe it and for a minute thought it was a joke."
"But seeing how my boss responded just confirmed it."
"My boss didn't even know I was pregnant and I didn't want to tell him or the others til later on."
"I was seething, I shouted for my husband to come into the room and explain what the hell was going on."
"He told me he did that as a desperate attempt to get me to get some time off work and 'actually focus on what matters'."
"I flipped the f*ck out at him and told him that this was my livelihood he was trying to mess with but he said I basically made him resort to this, and that he wouldn't have to lie if I actually made sometime to see and interact with his family and show them back the respect they keep showing me."
"I yelled at him asking how I was going to deal with this ridiculous lie that he told my boss and he told me that it was 'easy'."
"All I had to do was tell my boss that it was just a 'micarriage scare'."
"We argued nore and I told him I wasn't going to his cousin's party after this."
"He threw another fit about how my job isn't actually the problem and that I was constantly looking for excuses to avoid spending time with his family."
"He called me selfish and told me to look at the mirror and see who the one who is in the wrong."
"He left to attend the party and I stayed home."
"He wasn't speaking to me when he got back and didn't even sit with me for dinner."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP had every right to be furious and was in no way the a**hole.
The OP's husband found little to no sympathy from fellow Redditors, most of whom were just as outraged as the OP by his behavior, with many even urging the OP to leave him.
"Nta."
"The issue here is that he pretended to be you and lied to your boss."
"Now when you start to show, the lie puts you in a rough decision."
"I would call or see your boss in person and explain."- Kattiaria
"NTA and for the sake of yourself and your child you need a divorce ASAP."
"If he's willing to go to that length already, I see him attempting to sabotage your job more in the future and it could eventually cost you said job."- worldtraveler197
"This man will not be a good father."- OrangeCubit
"Are you planning on raising your child in this environment?"
"He won't allow that since he clearly needs all your attention."
"NTA and leave."- astral_rainbow
"NTA."
"Are you sure you trust this guy to be the father of your child?"- WhiteJadedButterfly
"NTA."
"He clearly has no respect for your work."
"How much of the financial burden in the marriage does each of you carry?"- JosieJOK
"NTA."
"That he sees himself as the victim after what he did to you really disturbs me."
"Please talk to people in your life about this behaviour so they know it is happening and consider if you should be in a relationship with someone who treats you like this."- notdorisday
"NTA. and this sounds like what he did is at least borderline abuse and coercive control."
"Your work and health are none of your husbands business and he should only be supportive."
"And, such a devastating and serious thing to lie to someone about."
"When people lie to get out of work they say things like they have the flu or car trouble."
"Not a miscarriage."
"The fact that his mind went to that lie while you are pregnant is in and of itself highly concerning to me."
"NTA and please get out of this."- pottymouth616
"NTA."
"But do you really want to raise a child with this man or be tied to him for the rest of your life."
"I'd be really rethinking this relationship because he isn't dealing in reality."
"Assuming your job supports your family, sometimes a job means you can't do everything and sometimes you don't want to go to every event."
"His judgement is clearly off and he seems to be very involved with his family of origin."
"When you get married your partner is your new family and your family of origin take a backseat and he didn't get the memo."
"And if you're in the US is he that dense to not realize what telling your boss about your pregnancy can do to your career especially if it's early?"
"Or maybe he wanted to destroy your career."- throwawaywedding444
"NTA The fact that he can lie about the death of his child and not see how incredibly f*cked up that is, is what's concerning."- whynot246810
"Yeah, NTA ."
"And you need a divorce."
"F*cking hell."- happymomma40.
"NTA... he on the other hand, woah."
"What the f*ck is wrong with him?"
"Has he always had a tendency for pulling ridiculous stunts like this?"- It-wont-stop.
"NTA."
"This is a serious breach of trust."
"I don't want to put too fine a point on this but you two have very different priorities and he's willing to manipulate you and things you care about to get his way."
"You should think long and hard about if this is something you may want to live with."
"At very least have a discussion with him about boundaries and if he is willing to act as a partner or not."
"I can't imagine ever doing anything like this to my wife."
"I'd never want to."
"I know she would never do something like that to me."- Bowman74
"Why are you having a child with this man."- terpischore761
"NTA but this is a major breach of trust."
"It could be classified as abuse as well since he is trying to control you using your items and your network by disrespecting boundaries and your autonomy."
"Your possessions are not safe around him, it's all free game for him to take and manipulate like your phone and messaging your boss."
"Things like passwords and shared accounts could be compromised by him when he feels like he 'is forced to do it' by you."
"Please be safe and best of luck."
"Also the fact that he would lie about a miscarriage while posing as you is really messed up."- isaypwnsj00
One has to wonder what the OP's husband could have possibly been thinking when he did this?
The only logical answer would be that he wasn't.
Ironic that he did this to make his wife spend more time with her family, as it very likely could have cost him his.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.