Juggling dating and parenthood can present unique challenges. What do you do when your significant other and your children both want your attention?
Redditor kimber_lee_ encountered this very issue with her kids. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for not choosing to spend my birthday with my kids???”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (37) am a mom of 4 kids. 2 girls (19 and 14), and 2 boys (16 and 12). My 19 year old daughter and I got into an argument about a week and a half ago over my birthday and now none of my kids will speak to me.”
“My birthday was on a Friday, and I had planned to spend the entire weekend with my boyfriend because he wanted to treat me since it would be my first birthday that we were together.”
“I didn’t hear at all from any of my kids besides the causal text the whole week and I assumed they probably weren’t planning on seeing me or had forgotten.”
“My 19 year old was usually the one to plan my birthdays after I divorced their dad 2 years ago, but I didn’t hear from her so I made my plans and stuck with them.”
“On Friday, I still didn’t get a single happy birthday text from my kids (this made me a little sad) but again I just assumed that teenagers will be teenagers and they were busy (they told me they were staying at their dad’s this weekend).”
“My bf picked me up from work and drove me home so I could change into something nicer because we had plans to go out to dinner.”
OP walked into a huge surprise.
“When we got to my apartment and walked in the door the lights suddenly turned on and my kids jumped out and yelled: SURPRISE!”
“Turns out they hadn’t forgotten and all 4 of my kids were there and they had decorated my apartment with all types of balloons and decorations. I was so happy that they hadn’t forgotten and my 19 year old gave me a big hug and said she was sorry they made me think they had forgot.”
“I gave them all big hugs and kisses for being so sweet to me, but when I told them about my bf and I’s dinner plans my kids were upset that I wasn’t staying.”
“I apologized and told them that I had made plans because I didn’t think we were doing anything together. My 19 year old requested to move the party to the next night, but I told them I couldn’t because I had plans for the entire weekend with my bf.”
“They then asked if they could at least go to dinner with us and I told them no on account that my bf does not like children and him and my 19 year old do not get along so this would be very awkward.”
OP’s kids were really upset.
“At this point my 19 year old got very upset and started to argue with my bf for ‘stealing me away’ on my birthday and also at me ‘for not even wanting to spend time with them.'”
“I tried to tell them that it was my birthday and I was allowed to spend it how I wanted, and I got to spend it with them every year and that this year was special.”
“My 19 year old again started to yell and by then my bf stepped in and told her to stop acting like a brat and then all of my kids started yelling at us.”
“We ended up leaving and going to dinner, and I did spend the weekend with him, but my kids are very mad at this and are now staying exclusively with their dad for the time being.”
“Was it so wrong to want to spend my birthday how I wanted to?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“YTA. Your boyfriend does not like children, yet you have three minor kids. He also separately does not get along with your only adult child. Meaning, you are dating a man who doesn’t like any of your four children.”
“Clearly, you are saying loud and clear to your children that getting laid is more important to you than any of them. This isn’t about what happened this past weekend. It’s about your general priorities and how skewed they are.” ~ 0biterdicta
“I raised my brows there. If someone doesn’t like kids, dating someone who has at least one is not a dealbreaker for them?” ~ DarkStar0915
“I don’t even care about the edit at all, making excuses for him. Who dates someone that doesn’t like children when they have CHILDREN!? And then surprise Pikachu face they’re mad she chose dick over them.”
“EDIT: this blew up. Thanks for the awards guys.” ~ jujoking
“The edit just cements my suspicion that OP is basically making the 19yo raise her siblings.” ~ LoremEpsomSalt
“What gets me is that she planned a whole weekend away and didn’t tell them…. Who is going to watch them? I mean won’t they be worried if their mom just doesn’t come home? Does she just assume the 19 year old will just watch them? I mean yes she just assumes the 19 year old to just take care them but it’s f’ed up.” ~ Space-Case88
OP added some edits.
“Edit: You all do not understand how the dynamic between my children works. My 19 year old is like their ‘ring-leader’ and they follow what she says.”
“She did not like my bf from the beginning before he ever could have done anything to warrant her dislike of him. She pulled mean pranks on him at the beginning by convincing all of her siblings to call my bf ‘Fat Matt’ behind his back. Of course when he found out about this he was upset and felt incredibly disrespected.”
“Edit: my bf is 31 since y’all want to know. He does respect that I have kids. He just does not want children, and I am done having kids so that’s why it isn’t a problem for us.”
“Edit: okay I get that you all have made up your mind on me, and that’s fine because I did post on here, but please know that you all do not know everything, only a little part of my life.”
“When I posted this is asked if I was TA because I didn’t choose to stay with them, but many if you have started to attack me for my dating life and I think that is unfair. I would never let someone dangerous around my children.”
“I was in contact with my kids the week before my birthday, but they never asked or inquired about my birthday plans. I realized a little later I should have told them I was going to be gone that weekend, but I thought it would be fine because they were spending the week with their dad.”
“They all have keys to my place and they are never there alone for more than a day, or so, plus my 16 and 19 yo are usually there with their younger siblings.”
“I should have never posted on here. At the end of the day it is always on the mother to be the angel and always make perfect decisions. My ex-husband isn’t a saint either. He didn’t contact me about my kids or if they were going to spend time with me for my birthday.”
“Thank you all for your wonderful insight on my parenting. Please stop messaging me to call me names.”
OP needs to sort out her priorities.