There's a pretty rare and fascinating phenomenon called "sympathy pains" that people will sometimes experience when their partner is pregnant, leading them to share some of their partner's symptoms.
But then there are people who simply employ weaponized incompetence and fake symptoms to draw attention from their wives, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Since the Redditor ConfidenceSilver2215 had become pregnant, her husband had increasingly complained about various ailments that couldn't necessarily be confirmed or denied, like stomach aches and headaches.
When she had to take on all of the housework despite being pregnant because her husband "couldn't" help, the Original Poster (OP) demanded that he either receive medical attention or go back to his parents' house for help instead.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by snapping at my husband for having constant mysterious ailments while I'm pregnant?"
The OP was suspicious about her husband's mysterious medical "ailments."
"My husband has had numerous 'ailments' since I’ve gotten pregnant. I am about 14 weeks today."
"It started with headaches, stomachaches, etc. It started with smaller things, but things that, again, you can’t catch or really verify."
"He would lay down while I was expected to do everything (with the house and our preschooler)."
The longer the OP was pregnant, the more her husband complained of experiencing.
"His behavior has only increased."
"He has now claimed he is having intense muscle spasms in his back and can’t walk, so he gets to lay in bed all weekend."
"I told him then he needs to go to urgent care to get medicine and help. He is refusing."
"I told him he doesn’t get to lie down for months while I do everything, especially while pregnant. My back hurts, too, but I still get up and take care of our child."
"He told me I’m being mean for saying his ailments are made up."
The OP gave her husband an ultimatum.
"Something in me snapped."
"I told him he either goes to the doctor today to be evaluated or he can go to his mom and dad's house because I’m tired of running myself ragged."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she needed support, not an attention-seeking husband.
"This is what loser men do. He doesn’t want to take care of you and knows he should, so he’s coming up with reasons to redirect the attention back to himself, and so he can get out of having to step up at all."
"I would not have a baby with this loser, personally. Like, who does that?" - Legal_Classic4915
"NOR."
"One kid and another on the way! You don’t need a child for a husband. It’s good you want to nip this in the bud."
"He’s practicing passive-aggressive helplessness to get you to do everything. Maybe he’s depressed? Or maybe he really is in pain. In which case HE NEEDS TO GET MEDICAL HELP."
"You done good." - Away_Amoeba5554
"Not overreacting at all. Sympathy pregnancy symptoms are a thing, but conveniently only showing up when there's work to be done is sus. Doctor or in-laws, easy choice." - Tiffany-Stubbs
"I would just tell him, 'I didn’t say your ailments are made up. I said you don’t have the luxury of indulging these ailments with weekends in bed or conveniently timed ‘sorry can’t help’ excuses.'"
"'I said go to the doctor and get whatever they say you need to get back into the game. YOU heard what I said as accusing you of making them up. Why?'"
"'Go to the doctor. They’re real, right? So what’s the problem?'" - Sheila_Monarch
"NOR. He seems like he wants attention. Let him get it from his parents." - RelationshipTough887
"NOR. He's setting the stage to go from basically useless to completely useless once the baby comes."
"Why don't dudes understand that this behavior dries women right up? Like eww, especially when the OP is pregnant and extra vulnerable and tired. This is reprehensible behavior."
"He should be bending over backwards for OP; instead he's acting like a fragile little baby." - FilthyThanksgiving
"Totally not attractive! He's too concerned with the fact that she is looking after everyone else before him. He specifically picked OP to look after him, and now there is going to be another one that will come before him!"
"Good thinking to send him away. Maybe his mom can make him feel better while OP struggles to get things taken care of without him adding to the drain."
"Maybe OP starts to think about someone dependable and caring moving in because she needs support? Especially since she carries all of the physical and mental load while her husband plays poor me." - SparkOfMagic
"I’m willing to bet that when he was a kid, feigning illness made him the center of his mother's attention, and he is replaying that now that he feels he isn’t the most important person in your life."
"By all means, he needs to correct his behavior, but he didn’t sort of wake up and decide to do this; it’s hard-coded in him."
"It's the only reason I'm not sure kicking him out is going to help."
"There's a good chance sending him to his parents will result in his mom fawning on him, giving him exactly the attention he's seeking, reinforcing the behavior."
"Or maybe his mom will see through it and tell him to grow up and go take care of his family? A girl can dream..." - Plenty-Session-7726
Others were suspicious that the OP's husband did not receive medical attention because he did not want to get caught in his lies.
"If the OP's husband is truly suffering, he needs to see a doctor; otherwise, he's slacking off. NOR." - Honest_Series_8430
"Absolutely not overreacting. His refusal to go to a doctor is very telling."
"If you're in that much pain, supposedly, you'd want to get it checked out. Him making his pregnant wife do everything is horrible behaviour." - Deusraix
"Back spasms can be agonizing. Most people would want them stopped ASAP, and going to the doctor is often the fastest way to do that. They can prescribe muscle relaxers, or write a referral for physical therapy if it’s warranted."
"I think there's a very specific reason he doesn't want to go to that doctor's office, and it's one the OP wouldn't like."
"NOR." - BetMyLastKrispyKreme
"If his back hurts so much, even without going to a doctor, what has he done to mitigate it? My back goes out regularly (like once a year)."
"I don't go to the doctor, because they aren't going to give me anything useful for it, but I do use a heating pad, as that gets me back on my feet in a few days, vs. a week or more."
"If his back were really out, she'd also know if he's telling the truth by watching him get out of bed to use the bathroom or get something to eat or drink. I usually have to contort myself into the most ridiculous positions, sliding or rolling myself out of bed, trying not to bend at all in the process, and visibly wincing if I move the wrong way."
"If he's not in clear agony trying to get up out of bed, then he's a dirty lazy f**khead faker (which I think he is anyway, just to be clear)." - InfiniteRadness
"I had back-to-back emergency spinal surgeries a couple years ago, and my husband can immediately spot when I’m having a bad back day, even if I’m not complaining."
"He always says it’s in the transitional movements. As soon as I start aching, they’re stiffer and more careful. And he’s almost always right."
"And even with my bad back, it’s my responsibility to manage it so that I don’t get taken out of commission. My husband always picks up the slack without complaint if I’m laid up, but I’m also acutely aware of the extra strain it places on him, so I do my part not to put us in that position."
"OP’s husband is either maliciously or obliviously self-centered, but either way it’s his choices that are putting the additional work on her plate, and he needs to address that." - KensieQ72
"Definitely NOR. He's an adult; he needs to take care of himself. That should be a non-negotiable. If he's bedridden with ailments, he needs to go see a doctor to be evaluated and get treatment." - onlythrowawaaay
"NOR. I actually have a lot of weird chronic issues that flare up in stress and seem very random to outsiders. I deal with everything your husband is complaining of regularly."
"However! I went to the doctor, got a bunch of testing, and now we know what’s causing the issues I have!"
"That’s exactly what he needs to do, and if he doesn’t, he’s already a bad parent. Having a new baby to care for is significantly harder than a pregnant wife, so… he better figure this stuff out now or stop lying." - Inside_Training_876
The subReddit was furious on the OP's behalf, especially since the OP's husband seemed to be doing this specifically to get out of any added responsibilities while she was pregnant, and then rejecting advice to get medical attention so he wouldn't get caught in his lies. The problem was, though, that he was technically already caught, and this situation would only get worse.
