All of us deal with our anger in different ways, and generally, that’s okay.
But every once in a while, we’ll be shocked to see someone who fails to keep their anger in-check.
A discussion started about this very subject on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor inthe4rest____ was at a loss when her husband had an unexpected reaction during an Uber ride.
When her husband was furious with her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong for standing up for herself.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for causing my husband to miss my dr. (doctor’s) appointment that he wanted to go to?”
The OP recently had a doctor’s appointment to go to.
“As some of you know, we’ve lately been experiencing a rise in temperature and it’s bringing so much stress and discomfort.”
“I’m 4 months pregnant and had an important appointment with the dr (doctor) and since my husband’s car wasn’t working, we called an uber instead.”
But her husband made it extremely difficult to get there.
“We got inside and my husband started complaining about a few things, like the driver driving slow, the driver taking long/busy roads, and then he complained about the AC (air conditioning) not functioning properly.”
“He went on a rant about how reckless and lazy Uber drivers have become to not have a proper AC to make customers feel comfortable when it’s hot outside.”
“The driver kept turning the AC up and the inside of the car was freezing, but still, my husband kept complaining about the poor service.”
“The driver offered to roll down the window, and my husband called him an id**t as it won’t do any good, because there was no wind outside.”
“The driver politely told him he didn’t appreciate his tone, to which my husband loudly replied that if he wasn’t being an a**hole, he would’ve spoken to him politely.”
“The driver pulled over and asked him to step out.”
“My husband got mad, argued with the man, then got out and told me to get out, as well.”
The OP decided it was more important to go to her doctor’s appointment.
“I told him nope, I don’t have to, because I wasn’t the one who called the driver an a**hole.”
“He called me unbelievable to be siding with some random Uber driver over him.”
“I told him it’s not about taking sides; I have an important appointment that I waited for and I couldn’t be late for. And if I were to take sides, then truth be told, the driver didn’t do or say anything wrong, but my husband on the other hand…”
“He called me selfish [and said] all I was thinking about was myself and ignoring the fact that he was being repeatedly disrespected and mistreated by the driver.”
“He gave me one last chance to get out so we could get another Uber, but I refused to get out because I already paid and I was already late.”
“He asked if I was sure about this decision. I said yes. He shut the door and the driver drove off.”
The OP’s husband was ready to confront her when she got home.
“My husband was home waiting for me, looking p**sed as h**l.”
“He asked me if I had a great time riding in that Uber after what the driver did.”
“He then said he missed the chance to be with me in the dr (doctor) appointment because I selfishly kept him out and sided with the driver.”
“I replied he was being disrespectful from the beginning and then escalated by yelling at the driver and calling him an a**hole, so he rightfully got kicked out of the car.”
“I said if he cared so much about attending the appointment with me, he wouldn’t have behaved like that.”
“He kept sulking and claiming I wasn’t being supportive of him as my partner who took time off work to come with me and support me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned about the OP’s relationship with her husband.
“NTA, but I feel like there are details missing from this story??? you’re saying that the drive was perfectly fine and the Uber driver was perfectly polite and accommodating and your husband was getting angrier and angrier for absolutely no reason?”
“If that’s actually the case and this is the full story, then you have way bigger issues with your husband than this one incident.” – windyafternoon
“My ex-husband was like this too, especially to upstairs neighbors. He worked graveyard 11 pm-6 am or something like that, it was 20+ years ago now. He would go on rants about how the neighbors were stomping on the floor or stairs while he was sleeping on PURPOSE. No one stomps on purpose.”
“My dad would do stuff like this when I was growing up so it’s no wonder I married his behavior clone. It’s amazing how overall calm and quiet my life is now without either in my life.” – legal_bagel
Others questioned the husband’s qualities as “dad material.”
“Let’s say, the driver didn’t have the AC on, a normal adult just asks politely instead of ranting and throwing insults right off the bat.”
“And that was just the beginning, JFC, he escalated from there in ways that have nothing in common with sanity. And because she’s trying to make the doctor’s appointment in time, he accuses her of ‘taking sides’ and gives her an ultimatum (‘last chance’) to validate his appalling behavior?”
“And this is still going hours later with him claiming his pregnant wife is selfishly ‘keeping him out’ and isn’t supporting him as she should?”
“By now it’s completely irrelevant if the driver was rude or not. If I didn’t know such horrible people actually exist I would be literally laughing right now because his behavior is just completely ridiculous and over the top: this person is entitled, petulant selfishness personified. Even if he was the one pregnant and fighting off The Great Hormonal Uprise, he’d still be an a**hole.”
“OP: you don’t have to live this way, your husband is manipulative, abusive and he sounds f**king insane. Do you really want your kid to be at the receiving end of this behavior too? How do you think he will react when the baby cries or poops?”
“NTA but GTFO of there: I don’t like to blame people for living with abusers because I know how hard it can be to leave, but please understand that living with the constant stress and drama he creates out of nowhere can harm both you and your unborn baby, and your child will soon be subjected to similar treatment.”
“Growing up with this guy as a father will have devastating long term effects on your child’s mental health.” – SeldomSeenMe
“Let me tell you the kind of father this person will be… and I know because my mother married him.”
“He made us (the two oldest kids) do most of the housework and he was ridiculously nitpicky about it. To the point of waking me up past midnight to scream at me for leaving streaks on the faux marble countertop when I wiped it.”
“Once, someone didn’t cover the American cheese properly overnight and it got hard. He threw a piece of cheese at my face and then grounded me for a week because I gave him a funny look.”
“My brother, the Golden Child, was being a pest and shoved me so that I fell and hit my head. I had to get a CAT scan. My stepdad said it was my fault, because according to his ‘expert’ knowledge of physics, I couldn’t have fallen backward from being pushed from behind unless I had turned around to push my brother first.”
“I was punished by having to pick 1000 weeds every day in the yard, in the summer in Texas. It was 90 degrees at least. I have albinism and was never given sunscreen or sunglasses.”
“I left home at 19. I am 38 now and still have nightmares about him. Do not let a man like this raise a child.” – KitLlwynog
The OP may have been second-guessing herself when she first posted, but the subReddit was quick to support her decision to stay in the Uber and take care of herself and her baby by going to her appointment.
No matter how much the husband may have wanted to be there, the subReddit agreed, he could have behaved differently to ensure he got there.