There is not a singular ‘correct’ way to parent, but if there was ever a universal experience all parents had, it’s that all first-time parents are a little bit nervous about what to expect, and they more than likely are over-preparing for their first baby.
That second part is especially true, knowingly laughed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Dull_Librarian_6278 and her husband were excited for their first baby, a daughter, to be born in just a few more weeks.
But when her husband started stressing about her watching crime shows, worrying how their baby might pick up on the content, the Original Poster (OP) thought he was worrying too much over nothing.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for watching ‘inappropriate’ shows while I’m pregnant?”
The OP and her husband were excited to be first-time parents.
“I (25 Female) am currently expecting my very first baby, and she is due in only about three weeks.”
“My husband (28 Male) and I are so very excited to meet her, and everything has honestly been going great.”
But lately, there had been a bit of a hiccup.
“There’s just one little thing that started only a week or so ago. So, for context, I really enjoy ‘crime’ shows like ‘Law and Order,’ ‘Criminal Minds,’ and others like that.”
“I have watched both of those series five or six times each. I have always watched and loved them.”
“Well, a week ago (as soon as I hit 35 weeks), my husband suddenly decided that he did not like this. He told me I should stop ‘in case the baby hears.'”
“I honestly thought he was joking, but he very much was not. He said he is genuinely concerned about her hearing and subconsciously absorbing the heavy topics of these shows.”
The OP did not see what the big deal was.
“To me, this is ridiculous. It was even funny, because this was literally a topic of criminal minds when one of the characters was pregnant.”
“I told him not to worry, that she is not going to hear, and she definitely isn’t going to understand.”
“But he was so argumentative. He has literally been full-on stressed over this.”
“To appease him, I have been watching other shows in my free time, but honestly, it kind of annoys me. Am I wrong for still enjoying these shows?”
“Would I be the a**hole if I still watched them?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with her enjoying these shows.
“NTA. Unless the shows are causing you to feel psychological or physical stress, I can’t see the harm. Your husband, however, does sound like he’s causing you to feel distressed by his behavior.” – Critical-Aspect
“NTA to OP, and to her husband for caring. But it would take so much more stress than anything a show can brew up to affect the baby.” – Yellowf**kingbird
“My first baby was present while I rewatched literally every episode of ‘Star Trek’ across every series that was available in 2015 while we spent what felt like years breastfeeding.”
“He somehow came out of it without permanent distaste for Romulans and still likes to wear red shirts. The kid will be okay, lol (laughing out loud).” – Rejalia
“I’m currently enjoying Anne Rice’s ‘Interview With The Vampire’ while I’m breastfeeding into the night. I’ll update you in 10 years on whether the baby is okay or has moved on from breast milk to blood.” – Specific_Cow_Parts
“I was watching ‘Hannibal’ in my last few weeks of pregnancy and did a lot of the infinite breastfeeding watching ‘Inside Number Nine.’ It doesn’t seem to have caused any psychopathy or tendency towards extremely dark humor.” – FalseAsphodel
“For the first few months, the baby isn’t going to be able to distinguish the sights and sounds on the TV. I don’t know the right age when you should be careful about what is on the TV while you’re breastfeeding or whatever, but it’s definitely not something to worry about while in utero.”
“It’s also interesting that he’s fixated on this thing that means OP isn’t allowed to relax and watch what she wants until the baby is born (and probably afterward if she’s going to be the primary caregiver when the baby is born), but he’s free to watch whatever he wants because he’s not actually carrying the baby.” – haleorshine
Others theorized the OP’s husband had focused on this to avoid other stress.
“Explain that watching them makes you happy, which raises your endorphins, which the baby loves! One less thing for him to worry about!” – softsocksearcher
“Anxiety can come out in weird ways. It would be best to treat this as the beginning of a discussion.”
“Lead with facts. The distance a newborn can see. The amount of language a newborn can understand. It’s quite unlikely that this (TV giving the baby a negative view of the world/anxiety) is his real concern, but if you can keep communication open, maybe he will actually talk about his real fears.”
“Honestly, it’s at least equally likely that the baby will hear the theme tunes and get a wee dopamine rush via you and is more likely to like the shows because she has a positive association with the sounds.” – enonymousCanadian
“When I was pregnant with my son, somebody much older than me told me not to watch horror movies because it could upset me and cause stress to the baby. I didn’t believe it at all. Believe it or not, this was a common belief at one time. We now know it’s complete hogwash.”
“Perhaps he’s been told that by an older relative. Talk to him and find out where he got it from. This may be a case of choosing your battles. If he feels that strongly about it, let him win this one, and then watch those shows again after you give birth. Good luck with everything!” – sunflower_1983
“Do me a favor and ask your husband if those shows stress HIM out. Some people hate crime shows as much as the rest of us enjoy them. If he’s been around for all five or rewatches, well, everyone has different comfort shows and multiple viewings can get tedious for someone who finds no comfort in that genre.”
“He might think he found a way to stop being overexposed without admitting he doesn’t like crime shows enough to watch over and over. If that’s the case, maybe you could find something else to watch together and save the crime shows for times when he isn’t around? And a talk with him about communicating more honestly and directly wouldn’t be out of order.”
“If he genuinely believes you’re harming the baby and wants you to stop even when he isn’t watching TV with you, that’s unreasonable and YWNBTA to keep watching anyway.” – Temporary-Tie-233
“NTA. He knows he can’t compete with Shemar Moore (Derek Morgan on ‘Criminal Minds’ for those regretfully not watching) and he’s reaching.”
“But in all seriousness, I think he’s just stressed, and this is the thing he’s chosen to focus on, because it’s easier than thinking about the more complicated stuff.” – Narrow_Onion_6928
“YTA. Those are shows with many seasons and lots of long-running plotlines. How are you expecting a fetus to keep up with the ongoing stories? It’s about time you start asking the IMPORTANT questions (sarcastic comment in case that wasn’t clear! NTA!).” – Hi_im_dadbot
Some cautioned the OP to watch her husband’s behavior in case it grew into more.
“NTA, and it’s a small folly, but keep an eye on the precedent that he can come up with some birdbrain bulls**t and enforce it as a parenting technique.” – Lambsenglish
“I’d nip it in the bud. You do not want him controlling you via his alleged concern for the baby.” – Boeing367-80
“This shouldn’t be catered to. It’s nonsense and Op is an adult who also cares about her baby. She can make the (reasonable) judgment call to watch what she likes without her husband needing to intervene. Giving in to irrational requests isn’t setting the stage for successful parenting.”
“And if you let this slide, he might start pushing more weird rules. Make sure you both stay on the same page with parenting.” – ScarletDarkstar
“If he starts up with, ‘But it’s a boundary,’ then you know the red flags are a-flying.” – celtic-thistle
“If this just came about, he’s willing to die on this hill, and this is out of character for him, this is very concerning behavior.”
“There are men who start showing their true controlling behavior when a woman is most vulnerable (during pregnancy and new motherhood). Please do not blow this off.”
“This behavior and his willingness to argue about his position sounds suspect at best.” – 1of3muskateers
While the subReddit was totally supportive of the OP continuing to watch her favorite shows, which might even lead to a mild dopamine spike for the baby because of the comfort it brought her mom, they were more puzzled by the future dad’s behavior.
Some gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed this was just how his stress about the baby coming soon was presenting, but for others, it was enough to worry that a controlling streak might be starting to reveal itself.
Either way, it sounded like this was a subject these new parents needed to talk out.