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Woman Claps Back Hard After Aunt Says She Isn’t A ‘Real Woman’ For Choosing To Be Childfree

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As hard as it may be to decide, each of us has to choose what we want in life and what will make us happy: whether we want a family, kids, a big house, an important job, travel, or something else.

There, of course, are going to be people who strongly disagree with our vision.

One young woman realized just how insistent some people can be on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor LuckyRoux89 had already decided what she wanted in her life, but not all of her family members agreed with her vision.

When she was criticized for standing up for herself, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she shouldn’t have said anything at all.

She asked the sub: 

“AITA for embarrassing my aunt?”

The OP decided what she needed to make her happy.

“I’m childfree, relationship-free, and sex-free.”

“I have no problems with people who have these things and will fully support people struggling with fertility issues as much as my body autonomy will allow. The only thing I won’t do is be a surrogate.”

At a recent family gathering, this came up. 

“Me (29 [female]) and my parents were at a family party, and my nosy Aunt Caroline asked, ‘So when are you going to get married and have kids?'”

“It’s no secret that I want neither because I want to be happy on my terms.”

“When I reminded her that I wanted neither, she went off that I wasn’t a real woman if I didn’t do these things.”

“I just rolled my eyes, having heard it all before.”

“Then came this gem, ‘What about all the other women who can’t have kids?! Like your Aunt Jessie?! You’re so selfish!'”

“Aunt Jessie and her husband have tried to get pregnant for years and after a few failed rounds of IVF, she just decided to have a hysterectomy and not deal with it anymore. Her husband has been so supportive of her throughout the whole thing and 20 years later still going strong.”

The OP decided to call her aunt out on this. 

“I just laughed, pulled out my phone, and called Jessie, who lives a few states away, and asked her about what she thought of childfree women.”

“She said, ‘That’s their business. Why are you asking?'”

“I said, ‘Caroline said to think about you when I say I don’t want kids, and that I’m selfish and should pity people like you.'”

“This earned a gasp from the rest of the party, Caroline going ghost white.”

“Jessie was having none of it. ‘Jesus F**king Christ, Caroline! Let the woman be happy! She’s the only person to help me after my surgery! You said you had better things to do! Shut the f**k up and let me speak for myself!'”

“I thanked Jessie and hung up.”

The family had mixed feelings about the exchange. 

“Caroline was so humiliated, she was crying, and she just left the party.”

“The younger people thought it was much overdue Caroline got put in her place, but the older ones thought I was being petty.”

“So AITA for embarrassing my aunt?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some applauded the OP. 

“Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of her own actions making her cry.”

“NTA and quite frankly, well done you for shooting that s**t down.”

“I do have a son, whom I love very much, my sister hates kids. It’s life and people should learn to mind their own dang business!”NatashaVorster

“Couldn’t agree more. NTA and bravo for standing up. We’re all tired of having to justify our existence because we don’t want to procreate when the world is full of unwanted children as it is.”alienabductionfan

“I have one child and shut down questions of ‘Don’t you feel selfish for not giving him a sibling?’ with pretty bold explanations of the two babies that died before birth and how we almost lost him too.”

“I try to embarrass them as much as possible for that asking that question without thinking there might be an answer other than ‘We didn’t feel like it,’ and feel no remorse for doing so.”

“But also, if we had had no problems at all, it is valid to say we didn’t feel like it. Parenting is hard and I would not have survived mentally if we’d had another, even if there were no health issues.”

“I’m not putting my happiness, health and financial security on the line so you can have a baby to coo over at parties (and then hand back when you’re tired of it).”sixthandelm

Others questioned Aunt Caroline’s thinking.

“You’re supposed to parade your children in front of the world’s Aunt Jessies and say, ‘This one is for you, Aunt Jessie!’ And Aunt Jessie will clap and cry with gratitude that you used your uterus to make up for hers.”

“Or some such nonsense.”

“NTA, OP. And Aunt Jessie is a bada**. I cheered a little.”SucksAtReplying

“I’m going NTA because people Caroline need to stop pushing her view of what makes you ‘real’ person and her view of life is supposed to look like. Maybe she will learn to keep her opinions on other people’s bodies, lives and decisions to herself.”

“I bet her nose hurts from getting whomped for being so far in everyone else’s business.”Malachite_Macchiato

“It’s the absolute worst when people trying to stir up drama do it by trying to pit people against each other. Especially pitting women against each other over bodily autonomy and children!”

“Good on you for giving your Aunt Jessie a voice when Caroline tried to take it and good on Aunt Jessie for backing you up. Some people are just vultures.”ecstaticegg

Though the family may have had mixed feelings after this incident occurred, the subReddit was quick to point out the OP was right for standing up for herself and what she wants in life.

Surely her aunt wouldn’t have been embarrassed if she had stayed out of someone else’s business?

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.