"Main character syndrome" is a pop-psychology term that describes a tendency for a person to view themself as the central protagonist of reality, treating everyone else as supporting characters or extras existing only in the background.
A person like this makes themself the center of every situation.
A man with a recent cancer diagnosis turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback over a friend's reaction to his health news.
Feeling_Security_797 asked:
"AITA for telling my friend my cancer diagnosis is not about her?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (22, male) have had cancer (Melanoma) for years. I first got diagnosed at 17, went in remission, then over the years, it has come back several times. This time, it is more than one type of cancer, and in more than one part of my body."
"I had a biopsy to determine whether it was cancer and what type last month. I got the call confirming it this morning. Most people have been super supportive and kind, and most of my friends and family have been trying to help me out as much as they can ever since I got the biopsy done."
"Well, once I got the call, I called my friend (23, female) to tell her what was going on. Let’s call her K. As soon as I told her, she started sobbing, told me she couldn’t handle this news."
"I asked her what she meant, and she said she’s been dealing with a lot lately because she didn’t have enough money to pay rent after buying herself a bunch of new clothes. For context, she lives with her parents, and the rent she pays isn’t even used for rent; it’s to pay back the money she stole from her parents last year."
"Admittedly, this upset me a little bit, because I felt like she was focusing more on how she felt about the situation rather than how I felt. At first, I apologized for making her upset and asked if she wanted to talk later, when she wasn’t so upset."
"Well, that's when she said, 'I just keep getting bad news after bad news after bad news! Haven’t I been through enough?'.”
"That threw me off guard a little bit, and I ended up asking her if she really thought her inability to keep track of her finances and spending all of her money instead of saving it like she was supposed to was worse than my cancer diagnosis. I know I could have handled this better, but I was, and still am, all over the place emotionally."
"She got angry with me, told me I had no right to comment on her financial situation, and that I’m a terrible friend for throwing her pain and suffering in her face, and then she hung up on me."
"A lot of our mutual friends have come to me saying that I was a huge a**hole, and that I should have some empathy for the 'less fortunate'."
"Am I really an a**hole?"
"Did I overreact? Should I have let this go?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I think I might be the a**hole because I asked my friend if she thought her inability to keep track of her money was worse off than me being diagnosed with cancer again in response to her saying 'I just keep getting bad news, haven’t I gone through enough?' when I told her I had cancer again."
"I also think I might be the a**hole because a few of my friends have told me I should have more empathy for the less fortunate than me."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. She has main character syndrome. Who in their right mind makes someone else’s cancer diagnosis about themselves?"
"I am sorry you are going through another round of cancer. Tell your friends to stop enabling her behavior." ~ id12345678910
"NTA. This isn’t a true friendship, I would let it just fade away. And as someone with cancer, metastatic breast, remember that cancer is the center of your world, but not of everyone else’s."
"Her reaction was really immature and selfish, and you don’t need that kind of stress and drama while trying to go through treatment."
"Everyone has issues, obviously yours is severe, but remember that it’s not a competition on whose life is the hardest. Lean on others and if she really cares she can come back on her own time and apologize for reacting so terribly." ~ IWNCGTA
"NTA. She sound emotionally immature. It’s one thing to get upset hearing bad news about someone you care about. But in those situations, my next sentence would have been 'what can I do to support you?'."
"Her reaction of '…haven’t I been through enough?' was very odd. Like, were you supposed to give her a heads up that you were about to tell her some terrible news?"
"She needs to face the reality that she’s facing the consequences of her actions, and it sounds like she projected it onto you."
"I’d close contact with her for a bit and those other friends who are calling you TAH because you told her about your diagnosis." ~ thebraverwoman
"NTA. NTA. NTA. Repeat after me, not the a**hole. Dude, you are dealing with so much, I know she's your friend but she's not even a good friend to herself much less you."
"You deserve better. I don't know what to say about the friends who side with her except I don't think they are really your friends.... either that or they're so damned immature they can't think straight." ~ floofypajamas
"NTA, your friends are beyond ridiculous."
"Someone close to me has cancer (it's not looking good). They kept it a secret until they couldn't, and knowing them, having to manage other people's emotions on top of everything they are already dealing with was exactly why."
"Beyond ridiculous. Im sorry that this clown car is your social circle, hope you have less up their own people in your support system. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for." ~ mighty_kaytor
"NTA. What’s wrong with her?? She didn’t like getting called out, you just said the truth. Your other friend are weird too except if she told them the story differently to be the « good guy ».Clearly she has problems, I wouldn’t bother myself with a « friend » like that. I wish you the best you need to have good people around you." ~ themaub
"NTA — I had a friend go through a similar situation with a boyfriend and thought it was extremely selfish. I still do. If she genuinely could not handle the news, she’s valid in excusing herself from the conversation. However, to derail the conversation and turn it back onto her is crazy. Don’t let people gaslight you and sending you lots of loveeeee." ~ KenYouu_Not
"NTA!! She is allowed to have her feelings but you are the last person she should be telling them to. Yes, it is incredibly difficult to have a close friend with cancer, but it’s even worse for the person with cancer! You are 1000% allowed to go off on people who do not prioritize how you are feeling in this situation." ~ weird_moon42
"I mean, the fact that they refer to her as "the less fortunate" to begin with, when she's so unbelievably spoiled that she spent all her money on clothes rather than pay back the parents she literally stole from says everything about their collective lack of basic human decency or ethics." ~ Sorry_I_Guess
"I cannot tell you the amount of people I had to console when I was diagnosed. I can tell you there are fewer than that number of people still in my life. NTA." ~ UrAntiChrist
"NTA - Not only is your friend an actual money stealing thief, she's an emotional thief too." ~ GT-DarkHarmonics
"NTA. She made your cancer diagnosis about her problems. That’s not support, that’s self-centering."
"Your reaction was emotional, but the point stands: this moment wasn’t about her." ~ skitzane
"NTA. Her inability to control herself financially is not 'less fortunate,' it's self-inflicted nonsense."
"You need to make friends with some actual grown-ups." ~ Mira_DFalco
"NTA, the people that do this are the worst. You are not her emotional manager and she shouldn't be dumping her sh*t on you."
"I have cancer, and I've had it for a while - do you need any resources? Social groups, support groups, fun stuff? They're all free." ~ DoIQual123
"NTA. Okay, now I can do the sarcastic part:"
"What is wrong with you???? Of course it is all about her!!!! I mean, unless you are planning to leave her money that she can waste on more shopping sprees and spa days, to pay back her parents, who let her live for free in their home, who are forcing her to pay exorbitant amounts of rent for their poor, mistreated daughter!!!!! Where is your concern for all that is happening to HER!!! Your life is so easy in comparison!!!!"
"Okay, back to the regular comment. So sorry to hear about your cancer coming back. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that you are able to beat it again! I hope the rest of your family and friends are of great support to you." ~ Toolongreadanyway
OP has enough to deal with right now without his friend's drama.
