When living with others, family included, everyone should be helping clean up after themselves and splitting up chores to the best of each persons capability. Sometimes though one person can feel like they’re pulling more than their fair share of weight.
One Redditor by the screen name vomco ran into this problem and took their problem to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subreddit for judgement.
“AITA for boycotting cleaning until my father and brother start picking up after themselves?”
The OP (Original Poster) explained:
“I’m the youngest in my family with a mom who’s disabled, so I started cleaning for everyone since I generally enjoy cleaning. But lately i’ve started paying more attention to what I clean.”
“Almost all of the messes are made by my older brother and father. All of the unrinsed dishes, the dirt tracked through the house, random wrappers and water bottles, dirty clothes, unflushed toilets, Half-eaten subway sandwiches left on the table for three days: All from them.”
“Not to mention they never walk our dogs or feed them, even though they are my brother’s dogs. So I started asking them to do simpler things like rinsing (not washing, just a quick rinse) your dishes, wiping your feet before coming in, using a hamper, and taking your trash with you when you get up.”
“Oh boy did that not work.”
”It caused my brother, who doesn’t work or go to school, to get pissed off at me, and tell me how ‘You LOVE to clean! I’m giving you something to do!’ and my father told me that he’s too busy with work (he works weekends), and that since I don’t work, even though I do work under the table jobs & stay on top of school, that I should be happy with just cleaning.”
“They insisted that they always clean up after themselves and always leave the house spotless. And when I told them that even the little things help me out, they told me to ask my mom for help.”
“Y’know, the disabled one.”
“And bless her soul, she would help me in a heartbeat, but I don’t want her to be working.”
“So I started to leave all of their messes and only cleaned where my mom would regularly be, her bathroom, and my room. And the house got messy really fast, and I’m just hoping that they’ll realize how bad their messes really are and at least stop leaving the refrigerator open.”
“ But I kinda feel like an asshole for dumping the cleaning on them so suddenly even though I gave them enough warning.”
OP added their mothers stance on the decision to stop enabling:
“Don’t worry!! My mom knows why and what I’m doing and she agrees! But thank you so much for making sure :)”
Redditors were asked to weigh in and rule:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
After a comment revealed OP was the only other female in the house other than her mom it was ruled not only was OP NTA, but her father and brother were being sexist to boot.
“NTA. Unfortunately, a patriarchal society has beaten it into the collective mindset that cleaning is ‘women’s work’ and as such men are not required to lift a finger.”
“That is clearly demonstrated here by the fact they, instead of getting of their backsides to help, would rather make your DISABLED mother overstretch herself!!! I would look at the malicious compliance threads for ways to get these misogynistic A-holes to buck their ideas up.”
“Perhaps clean all your brothers mess into his room, and your father’s stuff onto his favourite chair – so they have no option but to deal with their own problems- rather than leave it where they can easily walk around/ignore it.”
”Alternatively, is there other family/friends of your parents you can involve who can chastise them about leaning so heavily on you?” curious_seahorse1
“NTA. This might generate a little appreciation for the contribution you have been making. Don’t cave in on this.”
“Stand your ground. Your brother is a total AH for framing his laziness as a favour to you. What a tool.” Inevitable-Mastodon1
“NTA. Having grown up in a sexist family, let me tell you that they are not cleaning up after themselves because you ‘like to clean’, they are not cleaning because they think they are above it.”
“Those excuses they told you? That’s something they tell themselves to justify their assholery. Keep at it. If they can’t take a couple minutes to wash their dishes, or load laundry into the machine, then they are lazy and entitled.” Competitive_Hat_618
“NTA. You father and brother are mysogynistic AH. Im sure they will do nothing and not change. They know they are slobs and they know they can wait you out.”
“Just be prepared for when your father demands you start cleaning again. Please demand payment for your work” PrisonNurseNC
“NTA, you work under the table so you must be younger than 18. In order for them to start getting used to you not being their maid anymore you need to make yourself too busy to clean. Like your father.”
“Start hanging out with friends more, study groups, library, etc. the less time you spend home on school or work related activities the less time to clean. Make it look like you are cleaning without actually doing it.”
“Start getting disposable plates & utensils (not the best for the environment) but temporarily until they start to ‘get with the program’. Designate one big hamper and drop there every piece of clothing they leave behind, all mixed together for them to sort out later.”
“Do not take care of the dogs, no time for that now under your new program. Start piling the trash bags near the door for someone to ‘take out’.”
“Find ways to make yourself look busy ‘cleaning’ without actually doing it. Little by little you do less and less as you keep yourself more busy with school and work.”
“Someone will have to take the responsibility, and if it falls on your mother, then she is an adult and can take care of herself. Actually she is the only one who has the authority to compel your brother to help around the house and take care of his dogs.”
“All of them, including your mom, have been taking advantage of your willingness to help by their inaction. Wake up!” Hollow-Vegtable
Sounds like brother and dad are going to be continuing to live a big wake up call.
Hopefully they learn some life skills.