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Woman Balks After Female Roommate Insists She Wear A Bra When Her Boyfriend Stays Over

woman fastening bra
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Throughout the ages, women in some cultures used a variety of clothes to cover, restrain, support, modify, enhance or partially reveal their breasts. Crossbands, mamillares, corsets, and bras were just some of the garments employed.

Those cultures generally associated breasts with sex or eroticism and centered any fashions or taboos on the male gaze.

Other cultures associated breasts with their biological purpose—the production of milk for feeding offspring. In such cultures, the taboo or shame associated with showing any part of the breast was less likely to develop.

In warm, tropical climates or in the hotter seasons, breasts were left exposed. In colder climates, breasts were covered only as a matter of surviving in frigid temperatures.

Global Euro-Christian colonization imposed religious persecution and shame over women’s bodies onto cultures where those concepts never existed.

That influence still endures in so-called modern countries where school dress codes require girls to cover their upper arms, legs, shoulders, collarbones and all indications of their breasts for fear they’ll “distract” their classmates and disrupt learning.

But anyone who has worn a bra knows they aren’t terribly comfortable—no matter what the commercials say. They chafe, trap heat and sweat, pinch, poke and cut into the sholders and ribs.

For many women, the first thing they remove when they want to relax or be comfortable at home is their bra.

But if a male guest is present, should all women make certain to wear a bra?

A woman debating that question with her female roommate turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

A Redditor asked:

“AITA for refusing to wear a bra when my roomie’s boyfriend (BF) stays over?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I don’t wear bra at home. I go to college, then library, then work, then gym.”

“I am out at 7am and back at 10pm. Usually I take a quick shower when I get home, then make a snack and just relax for an hour before bedtime.”

“On weekends I barely leave the apartment beside the occasional outing with friends or colleagues. My roommate and I are very close, but now she has been biting my head off about me not wearing a bra at home.”

“I was confused. Then she explained that it was about her BF.”

“I laughed in her face and told her to put a bra on his eyes instead. She got very upset, but I told her that I wasn’t interested in her BF.”

“Not in the slightest.”

“She got offended and said that he wasn’t interested in me either so I said then why are we arguing? It is only an issue if we were interested in each other, tell him next time he sees me braless, he can pretend that I am a wall.”

“According to her it wasn’t about interest but being invasive and he felt uncomfortable. Would you think that it was fine if he showed his ‘d’?”

“I called her stupid because I was in my home. I wouldn’t go braless in his home and if he chose to go naked in his home, the only right I have is to get the Hell out of there.”

“She called me the a**hole.”

The OP summed up their issue.

“I refuse to wear a bra in my own home while roomies BF is visiting.”

“I might be the a**hole because I don’t care if my top is see-through or very tight or anything.”

“I don’t think about what I am wearing when I am home. Sometimes the top is very thin.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors unanimously decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA. It’s pretty ironic that she said it’s invasive, yet he’s the one coming into your home and wanting you to change the way you live because it makes him uncomfortable.”

“Oh, the absolute horror of it all for him! If they’re so uncomfortable being in your home, how about suggesting they weekend at his?” ~ Spare-Article-396

“NTA, and it doesn’t even have anything to do with you being in your own home. Bras can cause pain and discomfort and are completely optional, just like everyone has the right to choose to go commando.”

“What people wear under their clothes is no one’s business, and it’s bullsh*t that women are made to feel like sh*t for refusing to be uncomfortable to make men comfortable.” ~ Specialist-Fox-5777

“NTA. Not only is this an unreasonable request from her, it’s also sending her BF a ridiculous message. Just because he’s a man it doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being in the same room as a woman whose nipples are visible through her t-shirt or whatever.”

“Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t all thinking with their d*cks night and day. You have a choice to wear whatever you like and he’s able to act like a grown up.”

“If he can’t do that, your roomie should dump his a** anyway.” ~ richNTDO

“If he is uncomfortable he can look away when he sees you, decline to come to your place, or ask if you are going to be there before he comes over.”

“He has no say if you wear a bra in your own home. NTA.” ~ mdthomas

“NTA—you weren’t showing him anything. You’re wearing clothes, just not a bra.”

“My bra is the first thing that comes off when I get home.”

“He probably can’t help but look. If you want to make her feel more comfortable or keep the peace, you could throw on a large cardigan over your braless top or something when he’s around. Unless you don’t want to.” ~ chatterbox2024

“NTA—just tell your roommate that if your covered nipples—you’re not topless—offend her boyfriend so much, you’re going to have to insist that he wear a bra while in your apartment as he has them too and you’ll take offence and won’t feel comfortable with him and his nipples visiting your apartment.” ~ shanna811

“NTA. The equivalent for him is not going nude—your roommate’s comment about ‘Would you think that it was fine if he showed his d?’.”

“The equivalent is not wearing underwear, which I’m fairly sure wouldn’t give you a moment’s thought.”

“It’s just silly the rules women put on other women.” ~ nytraia

“I don’t know…I’m really torn. I say NTA because it is your home, but also you share it with another person. So where is the line between doing whatever you want because it’s your house, and making accommodations sometimes because you share it with another?”

“I understand going braless and do so myself, but my adult (23) son and his girlfriend (23) live with me and I will ensure that IF I don’t have a bra on, that my shirt isn’t see through or super tight.”

“And it is MY house that I pay for. They both just finished school and are job hunting, so I am not even charging them rent at the moment.” ~ kaydeevee

“OP’s situation is more like if a guy’s male roommate asked him on behalf of his girlfriend to wear underwear underneath his fully-functional shorts, because she was looking at his crotch and had discerned he was going commando underneath his clothes.”

“I’d find that really weird and concerning and actually a very inappropriate request. Why is she looking at his crotch so hard she’s noticed he’s commando, if his shorts cover everything?”

“Why would she then, on top of that, ask her boyfriend to tell him to wear undergarments for her? Because she can’t restrain herself from staring?”

“Lastly, why would the boyfriend acquiesce, instead of telling her she was out of line and needed to stop staring? It’s not the underwear-free roommate’s fault at all. It’s the others’.” ~ eternalwhat

“Nipples are on both men and women and yet are only criminalised on women, let’s be for real, she literally states she goes braless in her home ALL THE TIME, so how is she ‘showing off her assets’?”

“The boyfriend’s inability to handle the shape of a natural boob through a shirt, and by the looks of it, the roommate’s insecurity around whether loose boobs through a shirt are ‘tempting’ her boyfriend, are both really weak excuses to dictate what OP gets to wear in her own home.”

“Nipples are normal, everyone has them and they can show through anyone’s shirt, and breasts sag when they’re not in bras which is also normal.”

“If we’re gonna go the full mile and ask to not ever see the outline of someone’s penis by asking them to tuck, that would be wild wouldn’t it? But wilder if someone asked them to do that in their own home.”

“If OP’s roommate is so worried about the boyfriend being tempted,  then that’s an issue in their relationship and has nothing to do with OP.” ~ Clousder

This sounds like something that requires more conversations between the OP and her roommate.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.