When the person you’re dating is someone you’d like to introduce to your parents, it’s a good indication the relationship is headed in a positive direction.
But when it comes to meeting the parents, there is a time and place–a standard propriety that was lost on Redditor FamGFServer.
He is a 24-year-old male who has been with his 26-year-old girlfriend for several months.
Because she had not met his parents yet, he thought it was time to change things.
But when things didn’t go as he’d hoped, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for bringing my entire family to the restaurant where my girlfriend was working as a server in order to meet her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have been dating my girlfriend for several months. She works as a server at a local, popular restaurant.”
“My family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her. I have two older sisters (31 and 27) as well as three nieces and mother and father who are both in their late fifties.”
“My girlfriend doesn’t have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine. I’ve asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she’s always had an excuse why she couldn’t.”
“So, anyway, last weekend I brought my whole family (my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids) to her restaurant. I requested a table in her section.”
“When she saw us I could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers.”
“Upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her, that I was lucky, and that they were glad to have met her. They also left her a HUGE tip. I thought the whole thing was fine.”
“However, after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said ‘Thanks a lot, you jacka**.’ I called her and she went off on me about how I shouldn’t have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms.”
“I responded that she didn’t seem to want to meet my family whenever I brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way I’d figured out. But she said that what I did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables, which I think wasn’t true.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have sprung my whole family on her in the way I did. But it went well, and I am kind of annoyed that she can’t see that.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
A majority of Redditors did not look upon the OP favorably after what he did.
Some who were even less forgiving unloaded on him for making an important decision unilaterally.
“YTA. She clearly wasn’t ready to meet them, and instead of respecting that you trampled all over it and brought them into her WORK (where she quite literally has no choice but to be as respectful and polite as possible) and forced an interaction on her.”
“There is no ‘maybe’ you shouldn’t have done that, you absolutely shouldn’t have.” – Kokbiel
“OP YTA omfg. JFC, u/famgfserver. Let me count the ways. I really want you to see this.”
“Most people don’t want to be bothered at work. Esp when it’s the first time meeting the family?”
“Her job is to SERVE guests. I’d be grossed out if my bf forced me to serve his entire family, esp if it’s the first time we’re meeting.”
“You’re acting like the ~HUGE~ tip they gave her should make it all better. Or like she should be grateful somehow? This is so yucky. Like ‘hey I really didn’t appreciate how you blindsided me at work today.’ ‘But baaabe my parents gave you a lot of money.’ This is making my skin crawl.”
“Meeting the family is a big deal! You sprang this on her.”
“You took away her opportunity to have any say in the situation. She seemed hesitant so you FORCED her to do it. At her own job. Where she can’t leave. And where she is forced to SERVE you.”
“You could tell she wasn’t ready or didn’t want to yet so you FORCED her to. She probably didn’t want your family at her place of work and she certainly didn’t want that to be the first time she meets EVERYBODY.”
“She should have had a say in the meeting. She was so unprepared and it’s just f’ked up that you WANTED IT that way. You wanted her to be unprepared so she couldn’t say no again. Thats sick. That’s honestly so f’ked up.”
“You brought EVERYBODY. She had 5o meet your entire daily for the first time all at once. That is so overwhelming especially for someone who didn’t even want to meet your parents yet. And you made her manage a 10 top with no warning.”
“It’s so conniving, inconsiderate, disrespectful, and so on, to PLAN to do something against your SO’s wishes because YOU want it to happen. You literally constructed this whole situation so she COULD NOT SAY NO. Do you see how sick that is?? That is so f’ked up.”
“How did you really expect this to go? Seriously? Did you at any point consider your gf’s feelings? I mean beyond thinking her hesitancy was an obstacle for you to bulldoze.”
“I would break up with you over this. 100%. This is appalling behavior. No doubt I would be GONE if someone did this to me.” – basilobs
“YTA. You blindsided her without even a heads up about them showing up at the restaurant. She was at work and would have had to have had her game face on regardless. You disregarded her feelings here and were only thinking about your own.”
“If she had worked in an office would you have brought them all in? Of course not. Just because it’s a restaurant doesn’t mean it’s not a place of employment. She wouldn’t have been able to mentally prepare, or wear the clothes she wanted, or even make a first impression on on her terms.”
“You owe her an apology.” – walnutwithteeth
“YTA. You knew damn well that she’s either not ready to meet your family or didn’t want to, yet you forced her into it by bringing them to her job, where she can’t just walk out. That sounds deliberate, if you ask me.”
“Also, ‘Meeting’ someone is supposed to be a sit-down setting where they can talk and get to know each other. Not when she’s working, distracted and busy serving you food. It ‘went well’ because it was her job to make customers feel welcomed. So it only ‘went well’ for you.”
“Her going out of her way to talk to your family in the middle of a shift was definitely at risk of getting herself into trouble, all because some inconsiderate AH lacks of basic social cues.” – Castyourspellswisely
“YTA. As a former server, it’s already slightly annoying when people come in that you know because they feel a little entitled to special attention.”
“I can’t imagine the pressure and stress of meeting a boyfriend’s family for the first time while juggling other tables. There’s also a thousand things to think about at once as a server, and you just added a whole bunch of social/emotional stress to her shift.”
“You demonstrated absolutely no consideration for the position you were putting her in.” – CompetitiveYoung9
“YTA. The update’ll be that she dumped you and that you’re surprised.”
“She’s right, you’ve blindsided her with something that she’s having difficulty coping with. Instead of easing her into another possible meeting scenario (offering only meeting one of your sisters at a time, for example, and respecting whatever decision she made), you show up with your whole family at her place of work.”
“So not only are you ignoring her opinions, but you’re also putting her on a tough time at work.”
“Please update us that she broke up with you.” – JessicaJones2
“People with money I swear. Man can’t imagine what it would be like to have to /serve/ you SO’s family and that’s the context they MEET you in. I hate serving my friends without them warning me, like it’s just so awkward and sometimes if my section was busy I don’t have /time/ to give you the attention it takes to be a normal person and not in customer service mode.”
“Op has clearly never worked as a server and even worse can’t understand why bombarding your SO who clearly has a lot of family stuff to deal with with your whole family who she is admittedly /envious/ of and may already feel like she’s inadequate, and then have to /serve/ them? Jesus Christ.”
“Yes it went well because she’s a goddamn professional, not because that was ok.” – mypuzzleaddiction
Overall, Redditors empathized with and supported the OP’s girlfriend while they remained livid over the OP’s audacity in thinking that bringing his whole family to her place of work was completely out of line and a decision that was out of touch.