There's nothing more exciting than the idea of traveling with a group of friends.
At least in theory or on paper.
As though these might be your nearest and dearest, sometimes it's going on your first trip with friends that all the things you do not have in common come to light.
Nor is it likely that everyone in the group will always be in agreement on what to do, where to go, and how to proceed.
Redditor jcdfryvcsww had a weekend getaway planned with his birthday with some of his closest friends.
However, the original poster (OP)'s chosen accommodation proved to throw him and his guests an unexpected curveball.
As not everyone seemed to agree that there was a given solution to room assignments.
Wondering if he was out of line for standing his ground, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**Hole" (WIBTA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA to take a bigger room despite being the only single person."
The OP explained how his planned birthday weekend hit an unexpected bump in the road owing to a rooming issue:
'So I (39 M[ale]) am turning 40 in about a month."
"I have a friendship group made up of 4 friends (mixed, 39) and am also friends with their partners."
"To celebrate turning 40, I have booked a lake house for us to spend the weekend a couple hours away."
"There are 4 couples coming, plus myself, obviously'
"The house has 5 bedrooms, 4 doubles with en-suites and one with two single beds without an en-suite."
"The rooming situation came up recently with one of my friends and he was expecting me to take the room with the single beds and was surprised when I said I intended to take one of the bigger rooms."
"I get his point-of-view (POV)."
"I'm the only single, so I don't really need a double bed and the couples would obviously like to sleep together."
"My POV is it's my birthday, I'm paying for the whole thing so I should get first pick of rooms."
"Besides it's two nights, is it a big deal for one couple to sleep in separate rate beds (in the same room) just for a weekend."
"We didn't really reach a resolution."
"I know he thinks I'm being an AH about it and should just take the smaller room."
"I'm a bit worried to bring it up to the rest of the group in case they feel the same."
"I don't want it to put a dampener on the weekend but equally I think I should get one of the nicer rooms."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for taking one of the larger rooms, and making one of the couples take the room with the twin beds.
This was generally a no-brainer for everyone, feeling that not only was it the OP's birthday weekend, but he was also footing the entire bill, thus entitling him to his room of choice:
"NTA."
"It's your birthday."
"You're paying for it."
"You get the biggest room/nicest view."
"If your friend doesn't want a free trip, they can stay home. It's 2 days."
"They will survive not sleeping in the same bed."- Secret-Air7495
"I went on a weekend cabin trip with a group of friends that included some couples for my birthday a few months ago."
"I didn't even pay for the entire thing and they were totally understanding with me getting one of the big rooms to myself."
"I planned it, found the bnb, and organized the whole trip."
"Why wouldn't I get the room I want for my birthday?"
"None of my friends even questioned it."
"If it's two separate single beds btw, they can literally just push them together and voila!"
"the same width as a king bed."
"They'll actually get a bigger bed than anyone else."
"NTA."- WorldlinessAshamed92
"NTA."
"If you're paying for the whole thing I'd naturally expect you to take whatever room you want."
"Unless you friend wants to pay a portion, he's being unreasonable."- Melancholic_Squirrel
"NTA."
"Don't let them bully you or ruin your birthday lake trip."
"Single people should not be 'punished' for being single, and couples should not be 'treated' to an en suite and bigger room for being a couple."
"Couples may be two people, but they are experiencing the en suite and bigger room individually."
"Enjoy your big room."
"Happy birthday."- only_grans
"NTA."
"You paid for it, it's just normal you get the first pick."
"Once of the couple can sleep apart for 2 nights, it won't kill them."
"They get a weekend at a lake house, they would be very lame to complain."- IrrelevantManatee
"NTA."
"Your birthday and you're paying."
"Anyone who complains should get the worst room."- teresajs
"NTA."
"It's your birthday, and you're paying for the whole trip."
"You totally deserve to pick the room you want."- romy_indy
"NTA."
"You pay you choose."- actu_guy
"Whoever booked and planned the trip always gets first pick."
"Especially if it's their birthday."
"Also...can't the couple just push the beds together if they need to sleep together so badly?"
"NTA."- SuspiciouslyDrawn
"Looks like you found the couple to give the small room to."
"You're paying for it, they have no say in that."
"NTA."- sakipith
"If you are paying for the whole thing you get to choose the bedroom you want."
"NTA."- Logical_Read9153
"NTA."
"Your birthday celebration, and you're the one paying for the whole thing."
"If everyone was chipping in the same amount then there could be a conversation."
"There really should be no issue because the two single beds could also be pushed together."
"If they can't handle the sleeping arrangement for 2 days on a trip that paid for, they don't need to go."- Dry-Independent1
"NTA."
"I'd suggest that you pick the nicest room and the others draw lots for who picks next etc."- MisaOEB
"NTA."
"You're paying for everything."
"Tell him that it's your birthday, you're paying and are taking the biggest room."
"Remind him that he should be grateful for a weekend away where he barely has to spend any money."- Caspian4136
"NTA."
"Just respond 'great, once you send through more than 1/4 of the cost for accommodation you can pick a room'."- MiuraSerkEdition
"NTA."
"You plan and pay; you get your choice of rooms."
"Including the biggest, nicest room."
"Anyone who thinks the remaining rooms are not up to snuff for them, do not need to come."
"How rude of your friend!"
"But I get that you don't want to sour the mood."
"That doesn't mean you have to cave to a friend who is being selfish at the moment."
"Just let everyone know, 'Hey guys. I've got [whichever room you want]'."
"'You figure out among yourselves who gets the remaining 4 rooms'."
"Or 'Hey guys, I'm taking one of the en suite rooms'."
"After that, it's first come, first serve on the rooms'."
"Then everyone knows that one of them needs to take the room with the single beds and no en suite."
"Even if one friend is being selfish about it, the majority of the group should be mature enough to deal."
"BTW, I've been married almost 25 years."
"Whenever we visited my parents house (which was quite a lot), it just wasn't possible for me and my husband to share the same bed (though we shared the same room)."
" It was NEVER a big deal."
"Don't let this friend make you feel guilty."
"Just be calm and clear and firm."- swillshop
"NTA."
"But why would you want to go on a trip, and pay for said trip, for people who won't even let you have the room you want?"- ArwenandEowyn
"NTA."
"You pay for it, they get a free vacation."
"And they can put twin beds together, so they could still cuddle."- Trevena_Ice
"NTA."
"You have booked the lake house, I assume you have also paid for said lake house."
"So you get to choose the first room in the lake house."- Dronk747
"NTA."
"It's your birthday and you are paying."
"Who pays, says."
"That's it."- Effective-Mongoose57
"NTA."
"Can't they push the two beds together?"- mister_barfly75
"NTA."
"Reminds me of when my husband & children rented a beach house years ago & my parents were coming for a few days."
"My parents actually expected us to move out of the master while they were there!"
'There was a perfectly nice room with a queen bed for them."
"A couple years earlier they invited us to their time share, and expected us to sleep on the pullout sofa in the living room, I refused to go."
"Being a married couple, and they wanted our kids and my dad's sister & granddaughter to have rooms to themselves."
"Nope."- Traditional-Bag-4508
It's understandable that some people would think more practically when it comes to rooming assignments.
However, practicality should be the given rationale for room assignments if everyone was splitting it evenly.
Considering that the OP is the one hosting this particular weekend, it's not only fair, but logical that he should have the room of his choice.
The OP might also want to consider that as all other attendees are his invited guests, invitations can always be rescinded...
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.