They say opposites attract.
And indeed, many people find themselves falling in love with people with whom they have sizable, if not fundamental, differences of opinion.
Generally speaking, however, these differences can be easily forgotten by the two people finding common ground, helping them realize just how much they love one another.
Sadly, common ground was not to be found between Redditor illegibleaita and their husband on a recent vacation.
While the original poster (OP)’s husband sucked it up and accompanied them on an activity he was less than keen to do, the OP flat out refused to join him on his chosen activities.
A decision which left a slightly sour taste in their husband’s mouth.
Wondering if they were being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For not doing the activity my husband picked on vacation even though he did the one I wanted.”
The OP explained why they felt that it simply wasn’t possible to join their husband on his chosen activities on their vacation, even though he less than willingly accompanied them on their chosen activity.
“My husband and I recently went on a long-overdue vacation to a tropical island.”
“We stayed at an all-inclusive resort but we also wanted to get out and actually explore the island as well.”
“So we decided that each of us could pick an activity to do that would get us off the resort for a day.”
“I picked a hike that would bring us up into the mountainous interior of the island and through some rainforests.”
“My husband is not a big hiker, but he agreed to do it with me.”
“My husband narrowed his choices down to two options, a catamaran trip to go snorkeling and dune buggy riding.”
“I get horrible motion sickness.”
“We had some mild turbulence on our flight to the island and even with the Dramamine I took before we took off, I still got nauseous and lightheaded.”
“I told my husband that both of the ideas he picked are things that I know for a fact would make me motion sick.”
“He told me that it probably wouldn’t be that bad but I told him that I know my body and I know without a doubt that both of those activities would make me sick.”
“I asked him if there were any other activities that he was interested in, but he said those 2 were the only ones that piqued his interest.”
“He eventually agreed to go on the hike trip first and then we can figure out the activity that he wants to do.”
“While on our hike we started talking with another couple that was also staying at our resort.”
“They had been there a couple of times before and my husband asked if they had done either of the activities that he wanted to do.”
“They had done both and said that both were a lot of fun.”
“But the wife did say that the catamaran trip was pretty rough at times and a couple of people on their trip got seasick.”
“She also said that the dune buggy was fun because you get to drive it yourself, but it’s mostly on dirt tracks that can get pretty bumpy.”
“From the way she described it, I knew that if I did either of those things, I would get sick.”
“When we got back from the hike, I told my husband that I don’t want to do either of the activities he wants to do and asked again if he can please pick something else for us to do.”
“He said those were the only 2 things he liked, and if I don’t want to do them, we won’t because he doesn’t want to go alone.”
“I knew he was upset because he was really excited talking about both the things he wanted to do and after I told him I wouldn’t do them, his demeanor definitely changed.”
“I wouldn’t say he was sulking, but he was definitely less animated and not his usual fun self.”
“He pretty much spent the rest of our trip just sitting around the pool doing nothing.”
“I tried to get him to do things with me, like get a massage, but he told me to go do that myself.”
“When he didn’t change his attitude I finally asked him what was up and he told me that he went outside of his comfort zone to go on a hike with me, but I wouldn’t do the same for him.”
“I told him that hiking doesn’t make him sick so that’s a big difference but he told me I could have at least tried one of them.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided as to where they OP fell, they generally received little to no sympathy.
Many felt that both the OP and their husband were at fault, feeling they both could have come to a compromise which would have made both of them happy.
“Going with ESH.”
“I 100% understand you not wanting to risk motion sickness on your vacation, and I think your husband is an AH for expecting you to ‘just try it’ when you’re getting nauseated on airplane rides.”
“You were transparent that you didn’t want to do those things for a totally legitimate reason.”
“I also understand feeling disappointed that he put a damper on things when he didn’t get to do what he wanted.”
“HOWEVER, I feel like where you lose me is the ‘deal’ you made where you got to do what you wanted, and he was left feeling like he missed out.”
“If you couldn’t agree on activities you both liked or follow through on the compromise of you both getting to plan a day, you could have agreed to just not do anything off resort.”
“My wife and I have done the all-inclusive thing, and there is plenty of fun to be had just enjoying each other’s company on the beach or by the pool, many offer events at night like music or dancing, etc.”
“You pushing him to do the thing YOU like, but know he doesn’t, all while knowing full well that you were never going to do the things he was excited about is a pretty selfish move.”
“Y’all should have planned better in advance and made sure you were both happy with what was planned vs. Making sure your desires were covered and agreeing to figure out what he wanted while you were already on vacation.”
“You played a game of chicken where you both assumed the other would roll over, and instead, you both lost out.”
“Just try to communicate better next time!”- loud_pete
“I’m going with everyone sucks.”
“You agreed to terms that you knew you couldn’t fulfill and pushed your husband to do something he didn’t want to do knowing you wouldn’t do the same.”
“Your husband pushed you to do something that would make you sick.”
“Next time you go a trip, I would more clearly define the terms of the agreement, or do a couples day and a solo day.”- gprimr1
“Communication is the key to a long and lasting relationship.”
“You should have communicated to each other the events you wanted to do beforehand.”
“The Internet does exist you could have looked it up.”
“You expected him to go on something with you.”
“He expected you go with him for something he would like. E-s-h (bad communication,) but your the main yta.”- rubitbasteitsmokeit
“ESH.”
“You should have made it clear you were never going to do things he wanted, prior to having him do the thing you wanted.”
“He should have stopped being a baby and just gone and done the thing he was excited for on his own.”- ExistenceNow
Others, however, found the OP’s behavior borderline manipulative, feeling they tricked their husband in going on the hike, knowing all too well they wouldn’t do either of their husband’s choices.
“100% YTA.”
“This is not about your motion sickness, it’s about how you lied to your partner and led him on to get him to do what YOU wanted when you had no intention of ever doing what he wanted.”-throwra_notinvite
There were also those who felt neither the OP nor their husband were necessarily at fault, but nonetheless should have looked for common ground, rather than force each other into doing things they didn’t want to do.
“NAH but you really should have planned this trip better before you left.”
“You each proposed activities the other didn’t much want to do.”
“He ‘eventually’ agreed on the hike, you don’t say how much he really objected, and you flatly refused his ideas because of motion sickness.”
“Apparently there was nothing you both wanted to do.”
“So then he lost enthusiasm for the rest of the trip.”
“Not everybody likes massages, I don’t, so I don’t fault him for declining that.”
“I don’t want to call either of you an AH for having different visions for your vacation.”
“Next time you’ll know to plan farther ahead.”- Grouchy-Bluejay-4092
It seems the solution wasn’t for each of them to pick an activity, but rather mutually decide an activity the both of them could have enjoyed together.
That way, the OP’s husband wouldn’t have had to go on a hike he didn’t enjoy, nor would he have felt left alone by the OP backing out of either of his choices.
Hopefully, this was a lesson learned for both of them that compromisation is always the best solution.