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Guy Balks After His Parents Demand Access To His Phone To Make Sure He Isn’t Watching Porn

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We hate to admit it, but most of us have known at least one person who didn’t trust us as much as they should have, or we in turn didn’t trust them.

Sometimes this mistrust is unwarranted and can really hurt the relationship, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Admirable-Friend7453 finally had to stand up for himself when his parents repeatedly wanted access to all of his devices, whether or not there was a history of misuse.

But after seeing their reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being too stubborn.

He asked the sub:

“AITA for saying ‘no’ when my parents asked to search my phone and PC (computer)?” 

The OP’s parents recently tried to take his access to the internet away.

“I (18 [male]) live with my parents who earlier today asked to search my phone and PC (both of witch I payid for/am paying for with the money I’m making at MY job) under the suspicion of porn being watched.”

“(They are super Christian, btw (by the way), and this means they hate anything about sex that isn’t in a marriage, including porn.)”

“When I said no and stated my reasoning, being that I’m 18 and paying for it, they used a child protection app that was previously installed on my PC when I was like 16 to turn off my WiFi access on that.”

They were upset when they didn’t succeed.

“What they don’t know is that my new phone doesn’t have it.”

“This is making my parents pretty upset and they believe they should have unrestricted access to my messages and search history and all that jazz.”

“I just want to know what you guys think.”

“I do wanna say I do love my parents. After all, they raised me, and that ain’t cheap or easy, and even though they are infuriating at some times, they are still my parents, and I know they love me for a fact and aren’t doing this because they hate me or anything like that.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the parents needed to respect the OP’s privacy.

“NTA. They need to realize you’re an adult and respect your privacy. If they aren’t very tech friendly, could you set up another account on the computer?”deadsocial

“NTA. You’re a legal adult, paying your own phone bill, and aren’t required to show your parents anything. If they’re suspicious of something you’re doing and think it’s illegal on the other hand, then they should go through legal avenues if they’re that concerned. Sounds like they’re just overbearing though.”Okimiyage

“You sound like a decent dude. You are aware it’s abnormal and are trying to put sensible boundaries in place. I think whilst they are horribly overbearing and indeed wrong in this situation, they may be struggling with the fact you are now considered an adult.”

“Parents with control issues tend to find it very hard to move from their kid being a minor to an adult. This is their issue and not yours in the slightest but it might help you understand why they are doing what they are doing.”

“If you can work around the router thing with the advice given, hopefully they’ll think that there isn’t going to be an issue and you can do your thing in peace until you are able to move out.”

“Getting some space usually helps as long as you can keep sensible boundaries. If you have your own place do not give them a key. They can and likely will just let themselves in whenever. Having that boundary where they rely on you telling them when you’re free helps them understand you are an adult and you still love them but need to have these boundaries.”Silentlybroken

“NTA. Either buy your own router (I have friends who had to do this) or just grin and bear it until you can move out (which I recommend doing asap, because living under someone’s thumb like this gets exhausting fast, as I’m sure you know.)”goblin_kidd

Others questioned the OP’s parents’ parenting decisions.

“My boyfriend was raised Mormon. He can’t believe the things I let my 9-year-old daughter do online. If you sit and actually talk to her she’s super pure and unadulterated still. I’m not going to hover.”

“I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this though. I can imagine it’s rough”mom-atm

“You’re an adult now, so morally and legally it’s your choice for yourself, not theirs. NTA.”

“And your parents are definitely TA. They raised you so badly that they have no trust in your judgment and integrity, and on top of that they respect you so little that they won’t even afford you the courtesy of basic privacy? Really?”SaxyOmega90125

“We have similar parents. By 18, they really need to be doing a lot more ‘guiding’ and almost no ‘parenting.’ You’re a legal adult who will soon be on your own, and if they treat you like a 5-year-old, you’ll just ignore and rebel.”

“Yes, it’s their house, so you do need to have some reasonable respect for their rules, but searching your phones, etc is past your age group.”

“I would suggest sitting down and explaining that you love them, but you’re not a little kid. You do appreciate their guidance, but you don’t need to be micro-managed.”

“If they want you to be able to stand on values, then you need to have some room to figure out which values you really want for yourself. Not just inherited values that you pretend to do when they’re around. NTA”quack2thefuture2

The OP came to the subReddit looking for useful solutions for his predicament. Not only did he receive help, but the subReddit supported him in his need for privacy and his status as a new adult.

Though his parents might have not been totally ready for it, a conversation about everyone’s expectations going forward seemed to be in order.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.