I've never been on a cruise.
Before the pandemic it was on my bucket list, but now... Well, quarantines at foreign ports of call and stories of people stuck on cruise ships running out of food, water, and clean laundry have tempered my enthusiasm.
But even someone like me with no firsthand experience knows cruise ships have schedules and they stick to them. If you're late, you get left behind.
Period.
If you don't believe me...
Many of us have seen these "pier runner" videos of passengers showing up just as their cruise ship is pulling away from the dock. They're fairly popular online.
Despite all the videos and warnings from cruise lines and ships' crews, and current and former passengers, some people still think those rules don't apply to them.
A teen whose parents had issues with their cruise time management turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
ProfessionalTax7753 asked:
"AITA for abandoning my parents at an island in the Caribbean so I could get back to our cruise in time?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I graduated from high school back in December. As a gift, my parents gave me a cruise ticket. It was also for my 18th birthday."
"It was also a family vacation. We usually stay at all-inclusive resorts, but I have always wanted to go on a cruise."
"I told my parents it was different and that if we went on excursions, we had to follow the schedule no matter what."
"Well, it was a week-long cruise, and they would not head back to the ship when I said it was time to go. They were busy shopping and bargaining with the locals."
"I finally said that I was heading back to the ship. My mom waved me off."
"They missed the departure. By a lot. Like 45 minutes."
"They got ahold of me through WhatsApp. They wanted to know why I didn't get the boat to wait for them."
"I wanted to scream that they would not inconvenience 3,998 people because two could not understand what a schedule was."
"They ended up having to fly to the next port from there, and it was expensive. They are pissed at me for leaving them behind."
"I don't know what I was supposed to do. They literally told me that they knew what they were doing."
"I wish I had never asked for this. They are making me miserable because I left without them."
The OP summed up their situation.
"My parents thought a cruise ship would wait for them. I knew it wouldn't, so I went back and made our departure time. My parents did not."
"I might be the a**hole for not staying back with my parents and costing them more in flights to the next port. Or for not dragging them back when it was time."
"I don't know what they expect from me."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Your parents are acting entitled. Tell them you saved them the expense of a third ticket to the next port." ~ ParsimoniousSalad
"Your parents are in the wrong."
"I don't do cruises, but I have some experience with them because I travel to a place where cruise ships are common. I also thought passengers were warned that the ship leaves no matter who is on board."
"You would never have been able to prevent the cruise ship from leaving. They have a schedule and they keep to it. The ship waits for no one."
"This is ALL on your parents... They didn't respect the ship schedule. NTA." ~ Aggravating-Pain9249
"You should make a compilation playlist of all the videos of people being left behind by cruise ships and play it for your parents during your next family gathering."
"It'll let everyone know cruise ships don't delay departure for anyone, ever, even if they're at the dock as the ship is leaving port—which your extremely late parents were not."
"There was nothing you could do. NTA."
"Then thank your parents publicly for refusing to follow the ship's rules, ignoring your multiple warnings, then turning your dream trip, your graduation gift, and your 18th birthday present into a miserable experience by lashing out at you for their own irresponsible choices." ~ LakotaGrl
"There is no excuse for missing the departure except for lack of planning or a major emergency. NTA." ~ Chrisetmike
"NTA—they seriously think the ship will delay for 45 minutes? Yeah, no. The docks and ship have a schedule to keep."
"They are adults and need to be responsible for getting back on time, which you have figured out in less than six months of being an adult."
"At least you don't have to go on more vacations with them after this." ~ OwlPal9182
"NTA. I've been on a cruise. They make it crystal clear that the ship waits for no one. Parents f*cked around & found out." ~ Changoleo
"This is the bit that baffles me—even if OP had tried/asked, the staff would never have even considered delaying departure."
"Did OP's parents expect them to kick down the door to the bridge and commandeer the ship until they finished shopping? NTA." ~ TD003
"And if OP gave up and stayed behind with them that would have been an extra plane ticket, so even more money down the drain. They should be relieved that their kid has a good head on their shoulders, but no, they'd rather blame them. 😒" ~ Mental-Woodpecker300
"What precisely do they think you could have done? Kidnapped the captain? Staged your own drowning?"
"You didn't abandon them; they abandoned you. Don't let them twist this into being your fault in any way, shape, or form!"
"I'm really sorry your parents have ruined this for you. It's pretty pathetic of them to blame you for their extremely easy-to-avoid a deliberate bad decision."
"They owe you at least two apologies, one for ignoring your sage advice in the first place, the second for behaving like spoiled 4 year-olds."
"NTA, and I really hope you make your parents read this thread." ~ The_Coaltrain
"NTA. Your parents showed a lack of planning and then a lack of understanding of the consequences. They're acting like entitled children who cannot accept that they f*cked around and found out."
"It never gets better, by the way. They don't somehow learn to plan better or listen to you no matter how many times this happens."
"Your best course of action is to set your boundaries clearly and to make sure they know that you are going places separately. That you will NOT be keeping track of where they are and if they're late."
"I've been married twice, 18 years apart, and my parents were late to both of my weddings. Both venues were within a 10-minute drive of their place. You'd think they'd learn in 18 years but no."
"They were also recently 1.5 hours late to a 2-hour event for their grandson's birthday." ~ Infernalsummer
"They're just pissed that their child is smarter than they are. It's not about not being able to make the ship wait, it's that their child had enough foresight to return to the ship as scheduled and they did not. NTA." ~ The_Stoic_One
"NTA. In addition to you explaining that the ship will not wait for them, I am sure they were made aware of this by the cruise workers many times. They chose to ignore the guidelines and as a result had to face the consequences of their actions."
"That's what being an adult is, and they seem immature and narcissistic for trying to shift the blame onto you for their poor decisionmaking skills." ~ chocolaux
"NTA. Not only is it on your itinerary, the little daily info paper, announced when docked overhead (like 5 times), but they tell you as you swipe your card to disembark on the island. This was 100% on them." ~ vav70
"Look at it this way, you saved them having to pay out for a third airline ticket. They were warned, thought they knew better, and now are facing the consequences."
"Ask them sincerely what else you were supposed to do in reality when they've signed contracts as part of being on the cruise? I guarantee the cruise line has it in writing that passengers are responsible for getting themselves back to the ship on time. NTA." ~ I_wanna_be_anemone
"NTA. Cruise ships have a schedule to keep, and there was no way they would wait for just two passengers without knowing where they were."
"They MIGHT wait if there's a whole bunch of passengers being delayed on an excursion that was organized by the cruise ship company, but even that's iffy." ~ WesternBlueRanger
"I've been on a half-dozen cruises in my life. On every single one, the information about returning to the ship on time was listed on the tickets, announced in welcome/safety announcements, on a placard in the room, and prominently posted when you disembarked the ship."
"Your parents are adults. There is absolutely no excuse for them to claim that they were unaware of this extremely basic rule of cruising. On top of that, you even warned them when you were off the ship, and they chose to disregard you."
"And now they have the nerve to blame you for not magically having the authority to override all of the ship's policies? NTA." ~ DinaFelice
These parents need someone to give them a reality check.
The Earth does revolve, but not around them.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp