As unfortunate as it is, some families don’t work out and end up going their separate ways, whether it’s because of too much arguing, lives taking new turns, or cheating.
But sometimes people try to portray themselves as the victim, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Acceptable-Ad-8867 and her family thought they should have been involved in the decision for her dad to remarry.
But when she didn’t hear from her father for several months, the Original Poster (OP) wondered slightly if she was in the wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not talking to my dad?”
The OP’s dad decided to propose to his girlfriend.
“My (17 [female]) dad is getting married and we are not speaking because of it.”
“I have a sister (13 [female]) and she’s upset about it too.”
“My dad has been with his girlfriend for about 3 years and I have no issue with her, it’s not about his girlfriend, it’s my dad I’m upset with.”
“My dad did not talk to me, my sister, or my mom before proposing to his girlfriend.”
The OP got in an argument with her dad about it.
“I told him that he needed to talk to me before asking her to marry him to see how I, my sister, and mom felt about it, but dad asked his girlfriend anyway and only told us on the phone after she said yes.”
“I lost it and started crying and screaming that it wasn’t fair and he didn’t put us first and that my dad had no right to ask his girlfriend to marry him without talking to us and making sure we are OK with it first.”
“My dad got mad and snapped at me that he doesn’t need our permission to be happy and said my mom is crazy if she thinks he owes her any explanation about his life as long as he takes care of us.”
“That upset my mom and she took the phone and started cussing my dad out, and they got into a huge screaming match on speakerphone.”
The OP’s family was not in touch with her dad after that.
“When my mom hung up, she blocked my dad’s number on her phone, mine, and my sister’s.”
“That was 4 months ago.”
“Ever since I’ve had my aunts, uncles, and cousins calling and texting me and my sister, telling us to grow up and get over ourselves and we are being brats and acting immature.”
“I told them if they support my dad and he gets married without my consent, my sister’s, and my mom’s, that I will cut my dad and all of them out of my life for good, and it will be completely their fault.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Most said the OP and her family were overwhelmingly conceited and entitled.
“YTA and your mom is nuts to think she has any say in whether her ex moves on. Entitled and controlling the lot of you.” – little-face9
“OP, since you didn’t hear it the first time… Grow up. Get over yourself. You’re being an immature brat. YTA.” – sunshadowsburn
“Yeah, YTA. Your parents are divorced and he’s been with this woman for 3 years.”
“You’re making this marriage proposal about you and it isn’t. Your 17, you’re just a birthday shy of formal adulthood but you, your mom, and your sister are acting like children.”
“You’re ruining your relationship with your father because he didn’t defer to you – he doesn’t need to. You should be happy that he’s happy, not whatever the heck this is.” – ScheonTreaumer
“YTA. You don’t get to call the shots on his love life. Just like I’m sure he’s not calling the shots on yours.”
“And why would he owe your mom anything? They’re NOT together. She does not need to be okay with anything in his life aside from his obligations to the children he had with her.
“And honestly, if you don’t have an issue with her, why can’t you just be happy for your dad?” – Trip8197
Others agreed and said the dad technically did ask permission.
“Kids should be told ahead of the proposal – they were. They should have no veto power.”
“But the ex-wife of dad? H**L NO. SHE DOES NOT GET A SAY.” – waitingdorothea
“This!! He already asked, ‘You cool with who I’m dating? I think I wanna marry her,’ and you said you were ok with her. That was him asking!!”
“Did he need to ask? No, he was respecting his kids because he’s putting his daughters’ needs first. A proposal takes a while.”
“Also, your mom is super entitled and it sounds like you are too. Why does she need to give your dad permission to marry someone. You are almost an adult. You are 100% the a**hole and NEED to apologize to your dad AND his future wife for getting caught up in this s**t.” – lmaosami
Some were simply sorry the dad had to go through this.
“I bet dad will forgive because he loves his kids. I’m pretty sure this is tearing him up. OP needs to get over him asking permission, that’s ridiculous and he did let her know in advance.”
“Mom is a master at using her girls and OP is playing along. Curious, does OP get permission on who to date, love, etc. it’s also hypocritical.” – Historical-Ad1493
“He sounds like he has done everything right, honestly- and paying a lot of extra child support! He’s divorced, yet he’s still supporting his ex completely! Their mom hasn’t had to work because their dad is a good man, yet she whines, ‘He doesn’t put us first!’ OP still thinks her dad is terrible for not forgiving a cheater five years after the divorce and coming back!”
“He even DID tell them he wanted to marry his girlfriend of several years! Apparently, he was supposed to know you have to do it twice, though…”
“I’m an orphan. It kills me to see people like OP taking her very kind father completely for granted over… uh… checks notes because he didn’t get his ex-wife who cheated on him for ‘permission’ to marry his long-term partner. That’s what she’s pissy about, and willing to never see him again over.”
“Poor guy. I would totally take him off OP’s hands so I can have a lovely, generous dad. She sure doesn’t seem to want him all that much. If he died she’d probably only be upset because now her lazy mom might have to gasp support her own kids for once!”
“For the dad’s sake, I hope OP grows up enough to realize her mom has completely twisted her mind up about her dad at some point, and that he was never actually the bad guy and contributed a lot of extra money to support them all when he didn’t have to.”
“Until maybe that happens, I hope his new wife is kind and loving- if his ex was emotionally immature enough to brainwash her kids this badly, she probably didn’t make a good partner even before the cheating. He deserves to be happy finally, and not have people who would disown him over something as ridiculous as not getting permission from his cheater ex-wife to marry.” – CandyShopBandit
The OP may have been convinced that she was in the right for feeling entitled to give permission to her father, but the subReddit was sure she had another thing coming. Not only is her father an adult, but he technically already told his family of his plans, so the OP’s continued anger seemed off-base.