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Teen Stirs Drama By Refusing To Adhere To Brother’s ‘Fuchsia And Sky Blue’ Wedding Dress Code

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Most of us have attended at least one wedding, and we know from experience that each one is unique.

Sometimes there are unusual themes, unexpected menus, and maybe even something asked of those attending.

This is just a way to further involve everyone in the couple’s special day, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

But Redditor backinblackaita didn’t quite see it that way when she resented the special request made by the bride and groom.

When she was criticized for her reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for wearing black to my brother’s wedding?”

The OP’s brother made a special request for his wedding day. 

“I (18 [Female]) have an older brother (26 [Male]) who got married this past weekend.”

“He and his bride (25 [Female]) had a relatively small outdoor wedding, less than 100 guests.”

“For whatever reason, they put on the invites that they wanted the guests to wear certain colors. The invites said the acceptable colors were fuchsia and sky blue.”

“I asked my brother about it and he said it was just something he and his fiance wanted and thought it would be fun to have a color-coordinated wedding.”

The OP did not appreciate the request. 

“The problem I have with this is that I only wear black and white. Like, I literally do not own any clothing that is not black, white, or a combination of the two. I do not own any clothes that are blue or bright pink.”

“I told my brother about this long before the wedding and he just told me that I have plenty of time to find something that will fit the color scheme.”

“It was like he has no care for the fact that I don’t wear those colors at all.”

The OP’s mother tried to make it better. 

“I complained about it to my parents and my mom offered to take me shopping to find something to wear, and she told me it was just one day and that wearing something a different color for a few hours is not going to kill me.”

“When we went shopping, I hated everything she made me try on, and she ended up just buying a couple of things in the two colors and brought them home.”

The day of the wedding, the OP made a choice. 

“The morning of the wedding, I refused to put either thing on.”

“I had brought my favorite black dress that was more than nice enough for any wedding and decided to wear that instead.”

“Both my mom and dad told me to put on something else, but I refused, and eventually my parents just dropped it and told me they didn’t want to fight about it anymore.”

“We arrived at the venue early for pictures and my mom ran off right away to find my brother, I assume to warn him that I didn’t adhere to his color scheme.”

The OP was excluded from some of the wedding photos. 

“So when we were doing family pictures, my brother made a point to tell me that I would not be involved in any of the larger group shots with the wedding party and the rest of our family.”

“He told me that he’s fine with me being in pictures with just our family, but that I would stand out too much in all of the other group shots, because I was literally the only person who didn’t wear their preferred colors.”

“I knew this was probably his bride making the decision and I called my brother out on it.”

“He told me it was his wedding day and he wasn’t going to fight with me about it and that this was just the way it is.”

“He told me he was disappointed that I couldn’t do one little thing for him on his wedding day, and I told him he was an a**hole for making people dress a certain way, even if they don’t want to.”

The OP felt excluded later, as well. 

“I got a lot of weird looks from people during the ceremony and reception.”

“And my brother and his wife pretty much avoided me completely the entire time.”

“Even my parents kept their distance from me.”

“I really don’t think I did anything wrong because my brother’s request was stupid from the beginning.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the OP was definitely YTA.

“YTA, it’s a dress. Wearing pink for a few hours isn’t going to melt your skin off.”

“You knew that it was a simple request and you still dug in your heels and decided to be a brat because you apparently think the whole world revolves around you.”

“It would be embarrassing enough for you to act like that at 16, but you’re pulling this s**t as a legal adult? F**king yikes.”EstherandThyme

“OP, YTA. You’re being so ridiculous.”

“You told your brother on his wedding day that he was an a**hole for ‘making’ people dress a certain way even if they didn’t want to. Here’s some news for you: no one made you dress any way. They had a party with a dress code. If you don’t want to follow the dress code don’t come to the party.”

“And your brother even let you stay despite being the only person who wouldn’t follow the clear and simple directions on the invitation. It’s like you think you are entitled to attend someone else’s party, but they also have to make the sort of party you like (one where you can wear black).”

“Why? It’s not your party, it’s the couple’s party. They’re paying for it, not you. And once you showed up, all your brother asked was for you not to be in the large group photos organized to be a single color scheme (he even let you be in the close family ones) and somehow that made him an a**hole.”

“This is bizarre. Why do you feel entitled to be in and dictate the color scheme of other people’s photos? Extra hilarity about OP ‘calling out’ her brother on his bride probably being the one who picked the color scheme for her own wedding photos.”

“What? They’re her wedding photos. She’s the customer paying for the photos. Of course she’s the one that plans them?”

“It’s like how when you go to the grocery store you don’t walk around and tell other people they have to put foods you like in their shopping carts and take out what you don’t like. It dosen’t matter what you like, it’s their groceries, not yours. Same here. These aren’t your pictures. How is this hard to understand?”TheHatOnTheCat

“I literally only wear black. Even all my socks are black. But even I own a floral blue skirt I wear for weddings because even when there isn’t a dress code, black is an inappropriate colour for a wedding. OP needs to get over herself.”Tanooki07

“Mom actually bought them things in both colors! OP brought her black dress anyway and then refused to wear anything else.”

“OP, I get having a preferred color. Almost all of my dress pants are black and I have a lot of black and black/white tops, but I really think you could have worn the colors they asked. Maybe it was a little precious, but not completely outrageous.”

“YTA.”Malachite_Macchiato

Others agreed and said how the OP could have compromised.

“If OP would have worn her black dress and accessorized with fuchsia/sky blue accents (belt, jewelry, hair fascinator, shoes, eyeshadow, etc.), then her family prob wouldn’t have been as upset.”

“Obviously, the appropriate thing to do was to just follow the dress code, but if OP had (eye roll) to wear black, she could have made an effort to adhere to the color scheme. She could have even bought a black dress with fuchsia or sky blue flowers/pattern.”

“Make an effort, please. This is just childish behavior. YTA”Wearealreadyhere

“My wife says OP could have worn her fave dress but paired it with a bright color cardigan/wrap/shawl and maybe had some kind of compromise instead of the stampy-foot drama that occurred. I know little about fashion but that seemed reasonable to me.”Jay-Dee-British

“You can also find shades of sky blue that aren’t super bright and closer to white. OP was just being a brat to be a brat.”

“I don’t love wearing suits, would much rather be in sweatpants or basketball shorts at all times, but will wear them for weddings and interviews.”

“OP doesn’t seem to understand that different situations and events can require different clothing. And also someone else’s wedding isn’t about them.”RamenNoodles620

Though the OP insisted she wasn’t wrong for refusing to wear the colors she wanted to wear, the subReddit said she had another thing coming. Finding a way to use the wedding colors and the black the OP loved should have been a possibility.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.