We've all heard the saying, "Do not throw stones when you live in a glass house," but some people do not seem to understand it until they're experiencing it themselves.
But if one person is doing something morally wrong, they shouldn't try to get someone else in trouble for something they've deemed morally wrong, unless they want to get caught, reasoned the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor PleasantLieThrowRA was in a fulfilling throuple relationship and had to refuse the advances of a male coworker repeatedly in the workplace.
He attempted to get her in trouble by revealing her throuple to Human Resources, so the Original Poster (OP) repaid the favor by sharing evidence of his advances, as well as the evidence she had of his current affair.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for exposing my coworker after he exposed me?"
The OP was in a happy and fulfilling throuple relationship.
"I (28 Female) have been in a happy and committed throuple for about three years now. It's unconventional, but it works for us."
"I also enjoy posting on a social media platform that's more on the 'mature' side; think Facebook, but for adults who like to talk about NSFW (Not Safe for Work) topics and post NSFW pictures."
"My face isn't visible in any of the pictures, and I never talk about my job on there, so I didn't think it would ever be an issue at work, especially because our job doesn't have a morality clause."
One of the OP's coworkers meddled in her private business.
"One of my coworkers, Jake (34 Male), recently found my profile on this site. Jake has always been a bit too friendly, making suggestive comments and flirting with me, despite knowing I'm not interested."
"I've turned him down countless times, but he just doesn't take the hint. He thinks that just because I'm poly, I want to be with him."
"Instead of keeping his discovery to himself, Jake took screenshots of my posts and ran to HR (Human Resources), accusing me of 'unbecoming internet activity' that could damage the company's reputation."
"I got called into a meeting with HR, and honestly, I was terrified. However, after reviewing the posts, HR told me that because my face wasn't visible and there was nothing identifying the company, it wasn't their concern and was my own personal business."
"They assured me that no action would be taken against me and that I hadn't violated any policies. My direct boss said that the meeting was more toward me and that Jake was sharing my private pictures in the workplace."
The OP retaliated with the information she had on her coworker.
"Even though I was cleared, I still felt humiliated that my private life had been dragged into work like this. And I was beyond angry that Jake tried to get me in trouble over something that had nothing to do with him."
"Here's where I might be the a**hole. After that HR meeting, I was still fuming. I knew Jake was married and had heard rumors about him cheating on his wife with another woman in the office. I also had a bunch of inappropriate messages he'd sent me, including some sent during work hours, which I hadn't done anything about until now."
"Instead of going back to HR, I decided to take matters into my own hands."
"I found Jake's wife on social media and anonymously sent her all the screenshots of his messages to me, along with some information about his affair."
"I literally found his profile and his mistress' profile on the SAME site he said was 'unbecoming' and sent her the links to both. I figured if he wanted to dig into my private life, he should face the consequences of his own actions."
The office was divided over what the OP had done.
"It didn't take long for everything to blow up. Jake's wife confronted him, and now she's filed for divorce."
"Word spread around the office, and Jake is absolutely furious with me, saying I ruined his marriage and made his life h**l."
"Some of my coworkers think I went too far and should have just let it go, but others believe he got what he deserved for trying to get me in trouble over something that was none of his business."
"So, AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some felt the OP was right to retaliate.
"NTA. People in glass houses shouldn't throw hand grenades with a bungee cord attached (still working on that one)."
"Seriously, he tried to spread revenge porn to make OP lose her job in retaliation for not letting him into her bed. When you go after someone's livelihood, the gloves are off and the boots are on." - big_bob_c
"What the f**k did he think was gonna happen? That after being potentially raked over the coals by Human Resources, she was gonna magically now want him? F**k no!"
"He deserves everything he's getting." - Damagedbeme
"Jake invaded your privacy and tried to use it against you. You returned the favor. While it's messy, he opened that door. You're not the asshole here."
"Now walk those unwanted advances to HR yourself and get him out of there. That is what OP should've done when she was called into the meeting with HR and her boss! At that meeting, OP should've disclosed the texts from Jake and let HR know that Jake went to HR to get OP fired in retaliation for OP rejecting his advances!"
"Jake is a TOTAL MOR*N! People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! As a married man, Jake should have been smart enough to realize that if he tried to f*ck over OP she would likely retaliate by informing his wife and/or HR about Jake's unwanted workplace advances to OP and even about OP's affair with his side chick!" - bluejaybrother
"So he tried to get you fired (or at least reprimanded with something in your file) for what you do in the privacy of your own home, because you rejected his advances."
"So you let his wife know that he has been pursuing you and another coworker, one of which he landed. What's fair is fair... goose and gander or some sh*t. He tried to use your personal life to get you into work trouble and you used his work life to ruin his personal life... HAHA, love it."
"Don't be a d**k, and that kind of s**t won't happen. NTA." - Fit_Reason7319
"NTA."
"Even if he had not reported you to HR as retaliation for refusing his sexual advances, you would still have been justified in telling his wife about his unwanted sexual advances toward you. The attempt to get you fired just makes it even more justified."
"You ruined nothing in his life. He did it to himself." - Pandoratastic
"NTA! He tried to get you fired from your job! You should take those texts to your HR as well. This way he can lose his job on top of his marriage, he deserves it if he's gonna be a hypocritical a**hole."
"And he ruined his own marriage by cheating on no one else, and he wasn't even discreet! His wife knowing doesn't change the facts. I absolutely hate it when people say you should mind your own business by withholding lies. It's deceitful and enabling."
"I've never quite understood people that think because somebody is poly or even those in an open marriage, that it means they are free game for funsies with everyone they encounter." - Feisty_Fantastic4445
"The next time Jake tries to confront you, you should tell him, 'I have no idea what you're talking about Jake. I'm sorry to hear that you ruined your marriage.'" - rocketmn69_
Others were so disgusted by the coworker's behavior and were glad he was called out.
"Some men act so entitled. And if she doesn't want him, at least he can make her look like a s**t. (Strangely; she's a s**t who can't be bought by whatever currency he was bringing…)"
"I have had this happen to me by guys in pubs. One was turned down so many times that he took it upon himself to yell, 'Wh**e! Wh**e! Wh**e!' at me in the parking lot afterward, and then he kicked my friend's bicycle, making her fall off. She had to go to the ER to have her leg X-rayed!" - Individual_You_6586
"This really is the better option because it's more work-related as Jake tried to make it." - TableDisastrous705
"NTA. Well done. His wife deserved to know. It's laughable that he blames you. He decided to blow up his life when he cheated."
"I'd report him to HR for the sexual harassment (bring receipts) and tell them his behavior now is also unacceptable as he is publicly accusing you of ruining his marriage. Your professional reputation is important, too." - Ok-Try-857
"NTA. You saved his wife some wasted time before she found out. Your coworker is an id**t."
"You should let HR know what's going on because there's a chance he will continue and escalate things further. Also, watch your back in your life outside of work." - lostgravy
"She was kinda sweet. She could've brought all that to the attention of HR, and he would've been fired. Now he still has a job to pay for his alimony and maybe child support." - Little_Donny
"NTA! I'd do the same thing! His divorce was coming anyway! Anyone who is married and is hiding a double life from their spouses is looking forward to karma! This was his! And you happened to be the face of Karma!" - Wild_Sense2277
The subReddit applauded the OP for coming forward about Jake's behavior and felt it was time for him to get called out. Not only was he compromising his marriage and workplace, but by unnecessarily making something private public, he set himself up to be called out.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.