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Redditor Asks If It Was Wrong Not To Tip Restaurant Server Who Forgot About Their Table

Server holding bill
SDI Productions/Getty Images

Anyone who has ever gone out to dinner at a restaurant knows how frustrating it is to receive poor service while dining, especially when the food takes forever to arrive or the dining staff are less than attentive.

When this happens, it can be tempting to not leave a tip, or perhaps to never visit the restaurant again, empathized the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor RoseKaKe recently went out to dinner with their wife and were looking for a nice dining experience.

But when the dining staff was inattentive to them all evening for no reason, the Original Poster (OP) decided to send a message to the restaurant staff.

They asked the sub:

“AITAH for not tipping the restaurant staff when they forgot about our table?”

The OP thought they were going out for a typical dinner with their wife.

“My wife and I went to a nice place for a celebratory dinner. The bill was about 200 dollars.”

“The hostess showed us to our table, and then the server brought us water and took our drink order. The place was pretty quiet, with maybe eight or 10 other patrons. All was good so far.”

“15 minutes went by, so I went to try to find our server. I didn’t see her but mentioned to the hostess that we were ready to order if she could find our server.”

Then the OP discovered what was taking so long.

“Fast forward 10 more minutes. I went back up to the front desk and found our server and the hostess both scrolling on their phones in silence.”

“I said, ‘Excuse me, we are ready to order when you’re ready.'”

“They both jumped out of their skin and tucked their phones away.”

“The server came and took our order, and the night proceeded normally after that.”

The OP didn’t keep how he felt about the service a secret.

“Given that we waited 25 minutes to order our food (and we also didn’t get our drinks until after we ordered food), and I know what the server was actually doing in the meantime, I decided not to tip.”

“AITAH?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that it was okay not to tip in this situation. 

“NTA. I see nothing wrong with not tipping in this situation.” – Competitive-Bet-43

“If they were slammed, and the waitstaff had a hard time getting to everyone because they were so busy, that would be one thing.”

“But being caught on their phones after being asked to come take OP’s order? They made their beds right then and there. NTA.” – ender42y

“It’s one thing to be busy, but if the staff is ignoring you and spending time on their phones instead of attending to customers, it’s fair to withhold a tip. It’s all about respect and service, and when they drop the ball, they can’t expect a reward.” – lolaadreamgirl

“I probably would have walked out the moment I saw them scrolling on their phones.”

“In fact, I once did walk out on a restaurant where I waited for more than half an hour without a server deigning to grace my table with their presence.”

“NTA.” – NefariousnessFresh24

“Former restaurant manager here… The worst servers rarely learn.”

“Don’t leave a zero tip on your credit card payment. Managers see all the credit tips. If you leave zero, the manager will likely assume you left a cash tip.”

“Instead, very legibly write in $0.01. One penny. It’s a very, very clear message. ‘No, I didn’t forget. Yes, I normally tip. Yes, the service was awful.’ The manager will likely start watching this server.”

“If you complain to the manager (feel no shame in this), compliment something if there was something positive (food was great, etc), and then state that your service was lacking. Be matter-of-fact instead of emotional and end it with a ‘just thought you should know.’ It gets the manager on your side instead of defensive.” – robbietreehorn

“NTA. You should call and speak to the manager about the service you received.”

“I would be willing to guarantee that the hostess and server complained you didn’t tip but neglected to mention lack of service. If it’s happening to you, it’s happening to other customers, which affects the manager.”

“Contact the manager, and the manager will probably appreciate that information about his restaurant service.” – Slightlysanemomof5

“NTA. As a bartender and as someone who this has happened to before, I completely understand your frustration.”

“My story is, I work in the service industry. I went to a restaurant where my girlfriend and I were regulars. Now, I kind of don’t dress the part because I hate putting on clothes to go out to eat, but that shouldn’t stop me from getting good service.”

“I watched my male server flirt with these two women for 20 minutes while my drink sat empty. He never checked on us. He never refilled our drinks.”

“The chef came out, said hello to us and said it was great to see us again, and refilled my drinks. Another server who we knew came by and refilled my drinks again.”

“When the check came, I paid, but I left him nothing. My girlfriend decided to leave him money. As we were walking out the door, I felt him staring at me and glaring, but I overheard him say they didn’t tip me, but one of his coworkers who knows us said he must’ve done something wrong because they normally leave 50 percent.”

“Servers assume just because someone sits at their table that they are going to get a tip that’s not how this industry works. You’re making it harder for people like me who actually know how to do their job and do their job properly.” – Where2Next4MeNow

Others shared similar experiences of going to a restaurant only to be forgotten. 

“I did this once and could hear their phone ringing and hear them complaining that it was ringing. They finally answered, and when I asked for service, I was told to come up and get my own menu.”

“My friends and I left the restaurant, and I left a bad review. My friends and I were teenagers at the time, and I think the employees just assumed we wouldn’t tip.” – featherdog_enl

“I once had a similar experience. I had to call the restaurant and ask for a refill of my water after waiting close to 20 minutes for someone to come by. I was the only one there.”

“The manager came and apologized and told me they straight up forgot I was there and comped my entire bill once I was done.” – what_username_to_use

“My family had this happen at an expensive steakhouse on my dad’s birthday. They sat us, but over 30 minutes later, no one came. I got up and found someone.”

“They comped the whole meal for everyone!” – norathar

“I had a friend who was the sweetest person in the world. She was a waitress, so she tipped extremely well. She and a friend went into a restaurant after a shift, and there was only one other customer there.”

“The waitress told them to sit anywhere (without even looking at them). After 15 minutes, she got up and went to where the waitress was talking to someone else and asked if they could please get some water and menus. The waitress rolled her eyes and slammed two menus down in front of her.”

“It took them another half hour to place their order. The waitress never checked on them, and they never actually got water. After much thinking, my friend decided not to tip. But, she left a note as well.”

“She wrote, ‘I didn’t want you to think that we didn’t tip because we were women. I know some women are like that. We didn’t tip because you were really rude and you gave us terrible service. I don’t know if you’re just having a bad day or if this is the way you normally are, but it’s not fair to your customers. I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings.'”

“Then she asked me if I thought she was being a b***h because she was worried she was too harsh.” – hissyfit64

“We were once seated and forgotten. The menu had the restaurant’s phone number, so we called them and said, ‘Yeah, we’re at table number (whatever it was) and we’re ready to order.'”

“The manager and server both came over and were all apologies. We told them we weren’t mad, just hungry.”

“They comped us part of the meal, so we tipped. If they hadn’t comped us, we probably wouldn’t have. You’re NTA.” – Senator_Bink

“On my first date with my now wife, we were seated on one side of the restaurant. They then proceeded to close that side and forget about us. We didn’t notice because we were talking.”

“When we realized we were forgotten, they were very apologetic and comped our food. I was embarrassed that I didn’t have to pay on our first date. She thought it was awesome.” – _bobs_your_uncle

“I had something similar happen when I went to lunch with a friend I waitress with. Four servers and maybe three small tables sat, and our server took our order and never came back.”

“We could see the group just standing around talking and tried waving multiple times, and he looked over and ignored us. It took 45 minutes to get a hummus plate. We wanted a second round of drinks but never got those, and we had no utensils.”

“This poor buser who kept having to pass by us got us more water and the utensils.”

“When we went inside to pay, the tip was already included. I made the manager take it off, told him why in front of the server, and then gave the buser a tip in cash.”

“NTA.” – MissKatieMaam77

“I was a regular at a breakfast place. We got seated on a spot that didn’t have a server assigned, so a server we had seen before ended up helping us after we went up and complained (in a nice way). Then we had an issue with the kitchen; it took awhile and didn’t come out right the first time.”

“When we got the replacement food, the server said we were square and didn’t need to wait to pay when we were done. I ended up tipping all my cash, almost as much as the bill would have been, but I wouldn’t have if they didn’t take care of us. NTA.” – Zeyn1

When we got out to a restaurant for dinner, we’re generally expecting a nice meal, hopefully, a nice atmosphere, and at least decent table service. It seems servers sometimes assume that they will get tipped no matter what, but when they do nothing but hinder the restaurant experience, the subReddit suggested that they shouldn’t expect much.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.