It's not the size of the gift, it's the thought that counts.
One of life's oldest mantras.
It's done a lot of people well.
It has also been largely ignored by many.
To some people, when giving gifts, the size and value of the gift matter.
Redditor LegoBirthdayGift wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
""AITA for 'showing up' my brothers girlfriend by getting him a birthday gift he liked more and not warning her I was getting a big gift?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (25 F[emale]) have a twin brother (25 M[ale])."
"Growing up, our favorite pastime was building Lego together."
"Our family couldn't afford it often, so the sets we had were treasured, and we'd always buy bags of loose bricks from Charity Shops whenever we saw them."
"It was a major bonding time for us, making things together, and my brother claims that those days of playing with Lego are what inspired him to go on and become an Architect."
"It was our birthday on Friday, and we had a small thing with family; my B[oy]F[riend] of three years (27 M) was there and so was my brother's G[irl]F[riend] of two years (24 F)."
"During the gift exchange, we left each other's presents to last as we always have and opened our respective gifts." They were very nice and enjoyable, nothing to complain about on either side."
"When we exchanged our gifts, however, it led to some laughs and delight on both sides."
"I got him the Neuschwanstein Castle Lego set, and he got me the Notre Dame Lego set."
"He clearly loved his gift and was going on about how excited he was to build it and how he'd be spending his next day off working on it."
"He showed a lot more enthusiasm for this than the watch his girlfriend got him, though he had clearly liked that too."
"Since then, his girlfriend has reached out to me, insisting I tried to show her up deliberately by getting him a gift he'd like more, and how she was trying to treat him like an adult with her gift, while I was encouraging him to be childish."
"She also thinks we somehow planned this gift exchange, as we both got Lego for each other."
"I had to tell her no, it is just something we have always enjoyed together, and it's just natural we'd do this."
"I also told her that I had no intention of showing her up, but that if she really wanted to win the day with gifts, she should have considered his interests and not worried about what seems appropriate for an adult."
"She then pivoted to the fact that she is his girlfriend, and I should have warned her I was getting an expensive gift."
"I pointed out my brother didn't warn my boyfriend, but she insists that doesn't matter."
"That I should have."
"Was I in the wrong for not giving her a warning and leading to her feeling 'shown up' as a result?"
"I have never felt the need to give a warning when my brother dated, but maybe I should have?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?""
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA. Her gift to you is a pair of huge red flags."
"Make time for a chat with your brother about what she said, for it is a very controlling way of behaving."
"Thank you for the awards :)." ~ Ma-Hu
"Totally agree."
"Especially since they are twins."
"I have a set of twins - that bond just hits different."
"This won't be the last time the gf does something like this."
"Also, I'm in my 40s and have a stack of to-be-built LEGO."
"She can suck it." ~ Pleasant_Cell5290
"Girlfriend is definitely jealous and insecure of OP's bond with her brother."
"She'll definitely try to come between them."
"And if she thinks the things that make him happy are childish and beneath him, then she doesn't really care about him or his well-being." ~ IceSeeker
"And she 100% wouldn’t even care if these twins were both guys."
"Weirdly, this GF feels threatened by OP just because she’s a girl."
"They’re f**king twins." ~ TechieGee
"The girlfriend is making an issue where there is none."
"Jumping in to say that it sounds like the GF doesn't support OP's brother's interests or hobbies."
"It also sounds like she may not have told him this directly yet, and is trying to go around him to get him to stop collecting Lego."
"For me, this is a huge red flag."
"It's fine if family members or a partner aren't into a hobby, but they should not be discouraging someone or otherwise raining on their parade over it."
"The other thing is that she said that Lego is childish, so it is pretty clear that she doesn't respect the hobby."
"For me personally, this would be a dealbreaker."
"OP should speak to her brother about what happened as soon as possible."
"Given what has taken place already, I would be prepared for further retaliation from the girlfriend."
"Ultimately, it will be up to OP's brother if he stays with the girlfriend or not."
"OP is NTA.
"The girlfriend is ridiculous." ~ meghan9436
"Agreed, Brother NEEDS to know what his girlfriend is saying behind his back and that she is trying to interfere in his relationship with his sister."
"Also, I'm 35 and I for every birthday, Xmas, and mothers day my hubby buys me one of the Lego botanicals, and I get to build it by myself (hubby and kids build with chaos bag dumps and it drives me nuts, I like my calm order on a baking tray)."
"Hubby gets the Formula 1 cars, my 10-year-old kid gets the Minecraft Lego 13 used to get Ninjago but has now decided he doesn't want that (going to try and find him a different set), and 4-year-old is too young but likes to 'help.'"
"There is no age limit on Lego, it's fun and grounding, it can be therapy by taking time out" ~ Environmental_Art591
"Indeed. NTA.'
"She's 24 and somehow turned her boyfriend's enjoyment of a birthday gift into a competition."
"Let's really hope OP tells her twin what happened because there's a good chance he has no idea she's reacting like this behind his back." ~ Alternative-Math-886
"NTA. Oh, please don't let her ruin what sounds like a beautiful birthday tradition."
"The fact that you and your twin managed to independently buy each other massive Lego sets is honestly magical and hilarious."
"It shows how deeply connected you two still are, which is exactly how it should be." ~ hidden_foxhollow53
"Worse. She knew he would like the LEGO set more."
"She doesn't want him playing with LEGO sets because that doesn't enter into her closed mental idea of what 'adulting' means."
"She is trying to make him do what she considers more adult stuff, and has just found out that the sister will always be there, reminding him that Legos are great."
"She has a plan to turn OP's brother into the boring person she thinks he should be, and now she knows that OP will always be there, reminding him that there are better options."
"So, of course, she's pissed off."
"OP's brother should find someone who likes him as he is." ~ Ok_Code_270
"NTA, but I'd personally have a convo with your twin about the 'childish/adult' comments + her taking out her emotions on you."
"I don't foresee this relationship lasting." ~ Vuk-a
"NTA. You got your twin a gift tied to a lifetime of shared history."
"She got him a nice adult watch."
"Neither is wrong, they're just different lanes."
"Her calling Lego 'childish' to a working architect who literally credits it for his career is the actual tell here. She's mad at the wrong thing." ~ Hot_0000
"Your boyfriend doesn't need to check with anyone, but you do with her?"
"Jealousy, insecurity, just a weirdo, really."
"The man is an architect; he can't go building and erecting structures wherever he likes, he CAN build Lego, which you've stated led him to his career and passion."
"That's not childish at all."
"She's weird and regarding you in a way that isn't appropriate, like a threat."
"NTA, talk to your brother." ~ aibileen_riven
"NTA, and that's so incredibly weird, what partner gets jealous of what their siblings give them?"
"My brother's girlfriend, now wife, has never acted like that and is always happy when my brother likes his presents."
"It's considered a red flag simply when a girlfriend or a boyfriend has an issue with their partner having friends they think might possibly be into them."
"Having issues with a twin's sibling because you're close and share an interest is the point where your brother needs some heads up, she's acting like this." ~ Replica_Velocity
"NTA. Good girlfriends want you to have more of the expensive things you like, not less, and while she claims she just wants a heads up, you know she would be happier if you hadn't given it at all."
"In her fantasy, there's always a biggest gift, and it's always gotta be from her, and once people figure out she throws a tantrum when that doesn't happen, his gifts are going to inevitably become smaller to avoid conflict."
"Booooooooo to her behavior." ~ wow_what_a_cool_alt
"NTA, she is acting very insecure and immature (ironic)."
"It's very telling that she is more concerned about how the gifts made her look than her own partner's joy and happiness, both in her feeling upstaged and her not wanting him to seem 'childish.'"
"Don't let her refusal to see reason make you doubt your own gut." ~ Prestigious-Bug-5599
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your brother's GF doesn't need any warnings.
Your BROTHER does.
She needs to deal with her own insecurities.
Try not to feel bad.
Happy Birthday!
