Few things have the apocalyptic power to change your personal world the way a baby can.
The joy and rapture you feel when holding your newborn is absolutely equaled out by the frustrations of bi-hourly feedings.
This can be complicated by the desire for others to be involved, particularly in the first few days after birth.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) SnooPaintings1107 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my husband that his parents cannot stay at our house for the first two weeks after we bring the baby home?”
OP got right to the point.
“I told my husband that after I just gave birth I do not want to also be responsible for hosting people at the house either.”
“His parents have plenty of money and can easily afford a nice hotel—they are NOT in a hard financial situation.”
While she did explain her reasoning…
“Our house is not that big and honestly they can be kind of overbearing.”
“I want the three of us to get our bonding time in as a family without them staying at the house.”
“I said they are welcome to come down as early as they want, and are welcome to visit during the days they are in town.”
“But I think it’s reasonable to not have any overnight guests at least for the first two weeks. He keeps asking ‘why can’t they just stay in the guest room?'”
…she was still left to wonder.
“#AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some saw this as a health concern.
“NTA.”
“Even if the birth goes 100% perfectly, you’re going to be recovering and not getting enough sleep.”
“It’s pretty selfish for anyone to expect you to host at that time” ~ DeskRare7547
“NTA”
“You are correct in your decision to not host guests during the first few weeks after giving birth.”
“You certainly do not need that added stress.”
“You are healing, bonding and trying to schedule feedings, naps, laundry and diaper duty, just to name a few.”
“You may want to check with your pediatrician and ask about visiting recommendations for the first few weeks, especially with all the current illnesses going around.”
“You certainly don’t want your newborn baby to get ill, especially during the first few weeks of life.”
“Your in-laws could have been unknowingly exposed to the flu, a cold, or worse. Newborn babies are so susceptible.”
“Do NOT back down. I’m a nurse and the precautions and the health of both you and your baby are #1.” ~ LoveBeach8
“NTA.”
“Tell him you’ll be healing from a major medical procedure and you’ll also not be sleeping and you need quiet. So tell him no.”
“Additionally. Since they are visiting and staying in a hotel but will be over in the day….”
“You don’t need to be hosting.”
“And make it clear that he will be responsible for all joint meals since they’re his family and for cleaning up their messes.”
“Don’t be afraid to ‘nap with the baby’ during their visit either. If you get overwhelmed, tell them that baby needs a nap and you’re feeling drained/in pain/whatever and take the baby to your bedroom and lock the door for an hour.”
“Response edited for clarity.” ~ squeakylittlecat
“NTA – whatever type of birth you have, you’ll be recovering and you’ll want and need to feel comfortable in your home.”
“You’ll be exhausted and adjusting to life with a newborn, which is brutal.”
“If you’re opting to breastfeed, you and baby will be learning how – that involves frequent latching and you might be more comfy with your boobs out a lot rather than faffing with ‘proper’ clothes.”
“Never mind the pads for the post partum bleeding!”
“You don’t need house guests on top of that.”
“They can pop over for a couple of hours a day to fix you a meal, bring groceries, put laundry on etc. They don’t need to be there 24/7 for 2 whole weeks…” ~ Sib83
Some offered personal stories.
“My parents brought fajitas from my favorite Mexican place so they were welcome.”
“They also knew better than to offer ‘advice.'”
“They knew in advance that I planned to breastfeed even though they didn’t. My dad just looked away when I did. My MIL, on the other hand…” ~ username-generica
“I called my parents after having my second.”
“They asked if they could come visit, and brought me KFC. 2 hours after giving birth I got to scoff my face with chicken. Best new baby gift!”~ Infamous-Magician180
“I was so livid that my Idiot Husband invited his mother to stay with us in our one bedroom apartment for ten days after our first child was born, that I kind of, sort of, never let MIL hold my baby.”
“I think Daughter was over a week old before DH took her from me and placed her in MIL’s arms.”
“It’s been twenty-plus years and I am still pissed that he invited her without checking with me.”
“Therapist tells me that Hubby did not know better due to his toxic upbringing and I need to let it go.”
“Therapist is right, of course.” ~ ScarletteMayWest
Responses were also directed to the husband.
“‘why can’t they just stay in the guest room?”‘
‘“Because that’s where you’ll be sleeping, if you continue to prioritize your parents’ happiness and comfort over your wife’s”’
“Definitely NTA” ~ CandyAppleSauce
Space becomes a priority after the baby comes.
“In all seriousness, don’t underestimate the potential upsides of having two rooms available -“
“Someone’s going to be waking up each night with the baby, it doesn’t have to be both of you every time.” ~ _ewan_
“Actually, this was the strategy we used (once I healed enough to be solo – 10ish days).”
“We set up the second bedroom with a second bassinet. Husband slept there.”
“That way I could take the baby til 4am (and husband could sleep unperturbed), and id put baby in with him after that 4am-ish feed.”
“I then could sleep til 7 or 8am. Baby took milk I pumped if he was hungry in that window.”
“Saved my life and marriage.” ~ bunnyball88
“We were the other way around.”
“I went to bed around 9 and slept until 1, and he had the baby.”
“Then I took her to feed at 1 and she was my responsibility so he could sleep until 7.”
“After her 6 am feeding, she went back to sleep, so I usually got another couple hours if it was a rough night.”
“Definitely made a huge impact on getting enough sleep to keep from being burnt out” ~ grmrsan
Many pointed out that a new mom needs help rather than more responsibilities.
“And also,”
“I don’t think it’s customary to have guests so early.”
“Newborns feed almost round the clock and both parents are usually in no fit state to entertain.”
“Of course, for your husband he has no intention of entertaining.”
“It’s not uncomfortable for him because it’s his parents.”
“And worse, with parents there, he may feel more comfortable shirking his half of the responsibilities with baby. He is being grossly inconsiderate of your situation.”
“Those are not your parents.”
“You will be uncomfortable in your own home and feeling pressure to tend to guests when you already have a newborn with very demanding needs.”
“Your husband and parents are the AH for putting you in this situation.”
“His parents already went through this. They should be scolding their son for being without manners to his wife and yet it’s so rare it’s sad.” ~ Practical_Chart798
“This.”
“You need to clarify with your partner that only genuinely helpful guests will be tolerated early on.”
“Then he needs to talk to his parents about what they intend.”
“Any hint that they plan to be treated as guests rather than in-home assistants is a firm no from both of you as a couple.”
“Discuss diaper changing, laundry, bottle warming and cooking duties.”
“If that makes them uncomfortable, they can wait – at least two months – to visit. Oh, and NTA.” ~
dcoleski
Commenters even expressed empathy.
“As a man I’ve never given birth, but imagining that i had, the last thing I would want is PEOPLE WAITING FOR ME AT MY HOUSE, like even if they’re being helpful.”
“After a major medical event, all the niceties and hospital visits i’ve had before, when I get home, I want even minimal contact with my spouse, and my dog to lay on top of me and to get at least a solid 4 hours of nap in, and that’s not exactly 100% possible with a newborn baby.”
“The idea of having family waiting at the door of my home after 2-5 days in the hospital, is just nightmare fuel for me.”
“And no one in my family is overbearing or entitled enough to not ask to hold someone elses baby.”
“I am the kind of guy who just adheres to, if you’re going through some serious sh*t, part of being helpful is respecting your wishes within reason, and telling family to f*ck off for a day or two is reasonable enough.” ~ fryerandice
New babies change everything.
Sleep habits, money matters, and every relationship they touch.
The chaos a baby brings is precisely why clinging to your personal boundaries is so important. A safe place to hide in the storm is vital to surviving it.