We’ve all heard “the third time’s the charm,” but in actuality, the phrase could be used in a negative way, as well.
When people disrespect us in exactly the same way three times, it’s safe to assume that they’ll never change, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor throwramildrama11’s teen daughter was exploring her beliefs and was practicing witchcraft, including following appropriate dietary restrictions.
When her Christian in-laws not only didn’t accept her teen’s beliefs but refused to accommodate her dietary needs, the Original Poster (OP) began to debate what place they should have in their lives.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by kicking my mother-in-law (MIL) out when she ignored my daughter’s ritual dietary restrictions for the third time?”
The OP and her husband were of the same faith as her in-laws.
“I (38 Female) grew up with pretty awful parents who were controlling and churchy but not kind.”
“When I finally got out and went to college, I met my husband (41 Male). He was still active in the church at the time, so I’d go with him sometimes, but over the years, we kind of drifted out of it.”
“We still consider ourselves passively Christian. We go on holidays or if his parents ask, but that’s about it.”
“His parents, though, are very hardcore Christians. They never really liked me much because they saw I wasn’t as religious as they are, but my husband managed to get them to tolerate me.”
But they also wanted to be supportive of their teen’s practicing beliefs.
“Things were okay until our daughter (16) started getting into paganism and witchcraft, specifically Greco-Egyptian stuff. She’s really smart and grounded about it, doesn’t try to convert anyone or do anything unsafe.”
“Some of her rituals involve avoiding certain foods for about a week beforehand, usually fish, garlic, and fava beans. It’s part of her spiritual prep, nothing unhealthy or extreme.”
“My husband and I don’t care what she believes in as long as she’s safe and happy.”
The OP’s in-laws were not equally supportive.
“The problem is my MIL and FIL have a huge issue with this. They think she’s being corrupted by demons, and they’ve been very vocal about how this isn’t how they raised their family.”
“They recently found out she invokes and works with Paimon, and that really set them off. They’re convinced they can bring her back to Christ, and ever since then, they’ve been snide and passive-aggressive every time we see them.”
“The first time they came over for dinner after finding out about her practices, they brought a garlic-heavy pasta dish, even though we told them she couldn’t eat garlic that week.”
“I reminded them nicely and made her a separate plate with something different for dinner.”
“They acted like it was no big deal and claimed they forgot.”
“The second time, they brought a mint and fava bean salad.”
“My daughter said she couldn’t eat it because of her ritual prep, and my MIL made a face and said something like, ‘God made this, it’s not unclean unless you make it so.'”
“Again, I let it go, but I was already irritated.”
The third time the OP’s in-laws did this, she had to speak up.
“This past weekend, they came over for dinner with a cod casserole. I told her she couldn’t eat it.”
“She replied, ‘Maybe she shouldn’t be doing things that make her reject her family’s food.'”
“I finally snapped. I told her she was being deliberately disrespectful, and if she could not stop mocking our daughter’s beliefs, she could leave.”
“My father-in-law tried to defend her, calling me ungrateful and hostile, so I told them both to leave.”
“My husband supported me and just told them to get their coats.”
“Now my mother-in-law is messaging him nonstop about how I disrespected my elders and made a huge fuss out of everything. Some extended family thinks I shouldn’t have gone off and should have just let it go since it’s only food.”
“But this was the third time they’ve done this, and I am tired of them treating my daughter’s spirituality like a joke.”
“AIO by kicking them out over it?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she was NOR for standing by her daughter.
“Cod casserole?!?!?! I respect that you allow your daughter to explore her own belief systems.”
“Maybe she sticks with it for life or maybe she decides to try another religion. Either way, she will never forget her parents’ support. NOR.” – MoirasCheese
“Fish and fava beans are pretty easy to avoid for a meal. Garlic, less so, but workable. They went out of their way to cook those meals. Thank you for standing by her.” – Readingreddit12345
“NOR. You’re a good parent who is protecting your child.” – -Quaint-
“NOR. OP wasn’t being dramatic, just standing up for her kid’s beliefs. Respect goes both ways, and MIL clearly wasn’t getting that.” – Chilly-Voyager030
“That’s also not unconditional love. If they will only respect individuals as long as they fit within a certain image, they conditionally love your daughter.” – T0ppleSkimper
“NOR. Your job is to protect our daughter, and that’s exactly what you did. They had multiple chances, and they blew them all.”
‘It’s not difficult to respect someone’s dietary needs. Fine, sometimes they can be difficult to accommodate due to the severity if it’s an allergy, but you can still respect them. Your daughter’s needs are simple and easy to accommodate. There is no excuse.”
“They have proven they don’t respect how you and your husband have chosen to raise your daughter, nor your daughter’s beliefs, so there is no place for them at your house.” – KrzyLdy
Others encouraged the OP to stop sharing so much information, if any, with her in-laws about her daughter’s beliefs and practices.
“Maybe I’m accidentally victim-shaming here, but why on earth are you guys constantly giving them details about her practice? Why would they need to know who she’s working with and individual details?”
“I get wanting to be free and open about your beliefs, but these individuals are clearly not open to hearing about it, and constantly feeding them details is just continually stirring the pot.” – DirectBary7709
“Absolutely not overreacting.”
“The question should really be asked if they would be as tolerant as they are expecting you to be, if someone else blatantly disrespected all of their religious practices.”
“Openly discussed how stupid they thought lent was, maybe made a joke about burning a cross. If your daughter isn’t being disrespectful about her practices, they have no reason to be reactive.”
“It is important enough to your daughter, then, the in-laws should at least be able to prioritize their granddaughter. You don’t have to actively partake in someone else’s religious practices.”
“The request is just that you coexist.” – Particular-Half6742
“As far as I know, the description of Paimon being unrelenting in his manipulation and hostility to not be an accurate description; it’s literally word-for-word from a role play wiki/universe called the Demonic Paradise. It pulls from a lot of fictional universes like Devil May Cry or Hellboy.”
“In the actual Ars Geotia, his personality isn’t overly expanded on, mostly his position in the hierarchy.”
“I think it would be a challenging being to work with for a new practitioner (requires confidence and strength of mind), but a lot of unnecessary hype came out of him being featured as the villain the movie Hereditary.”
“Overall, he’s a diety with dominion over art and science; he can uncover secrets and reveal truths. OP’s daughter may have chosen Paimon from a genuine place, wanting a diety that can help build her insight into herself (aren’t all young people trying to find themselves?), she values knowledge and learning, and has chosen a master of all knowledge. He’s considered and teacher and bringer of enlightenment.”
“I’m not in practice/a believer, but I really enjoy this type of spirituality and ritual – pop culture can easily twist and interpret something neutral into something evil, especially if you’re viewing it from a purely Christian lens.”
“OP’s daughter worshipping Paimon has ironically revealed the true nature of the grandparents – and now it is up to OP and her daughter to decide how to move forward, know that it has come to light.” – kitkat12246666
“No. I find that these types of people can only accept people who are exactly like them; ironically, some on the opposite side of the political spectrum are exactly the same way… but then, it is said, ‘You become the thing you hate the most.'”
“In any case, this is a deliberate affront. She’ll probably inspect Wicca for a bit and reject it, or alternatively, not be so serious about it. In any case, who cares? An individual’s life, largely informed by an individual’s beliefs, are for that individual to have, and hold, and I stand up to anyone who thinks their ideas, and ideals, are better than those of another.”
“Do I have all of the answers? No. And, that’s the point-nobody does. We must all do the best we can, for ourselves, and leave others to do the same.” – CeaselessGomula
“My grandparents were exactly like this but in my case, it was atheism. The last time I went to visit them (it’s a four-hour flight, so we didn’t go often), they put the Bible on my pillow every time I’d left the house and deliberately made food I wouldn’t like to prove I wasn’t a good kid.”
“The other grandkids, who all were in the church, got fussed over, and when they swung by, my grandma made them their favorite meals. I got fried liver.”
“A lot of conservative religious people get very weird and pushy when their kids or grandkids reject the faith.” – Darth_Gerg
The subReddit applauded the OP for standing by her daughter and showing her support. It seemed that the grandparents were not on board and might never be. If something didn’t change, they might have to make some changes.