An unfortunate truth many of us have learned the hard way is that we don’t really know how a person will treat us until we’ve gone through some sort of challenge with them.
Anyone can be nice when things are going well, but that isn’t always the case during a tragedy, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor CaliforniaSunset533 found this out the hard way when her boyfriend demanded that she cover all of the costs herself for the dog they’d lost.
When they couldn’t come to an agreement, the Original Poster (OP) began to second-guess the relationship.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for sending my boyfriend half of the bill for our dog’s cremation?”
The OP had been dating her boyfriend for 9 years.
“My boyfriend (36 [male]) and I (32 [female]) have been together for 9 years.”
“I know it’s a long time but he doesn’t want marriage, saying it’s meaningless and the same as getting your driver’s license where we live nowadays and that it’s lost its true meaning.”
They decided to split expenses when they got a dog.
“We decided to get a dog 3 years ago. Since we don’t share finances, we agreed to pay 50/50 for everything our dog needed.”
“He said ok and things remained that way until recently when our dog became sick.”
“I found myself paying the vet bill alone for the duration of 4 months.”
“I asked my boyfriend to help out and pay for 50% of the expenses, but he kept making excuses for not paying for things, saying they weren’t necessary.”
The situation became worse when their dog died.
“Our dog unfortunately passed away, which was devastating.”
“My boyfriend cried and went radio silent for 1 day and then went back to normal.”
“But my grief was just starting, I was mad at the fact he didn’t help with treatment, but I still asked if he agreed to get our dog cremated, and he said yes and go for it.”
The boyfriend refused to help with the cremation.
“I asked him to pay half, telling him how much it cost, and he looked at me stunned and said, ‘I’m not the one getting cremated, why TF (the f**k) should I be expected to pay for it?'”
“I said because it’s our dog.”
“He said he no longer is since he’s dead, which got me p**sed.”
“I said I’ll go with burial then, but he objected and said I shouldn’t back out of cremation just to spite him and insisted I go ahead and do the right thing for our beloved dog.”
“I said alright then and ended up paying for only half of the cremation bill, and then later sent him the other half of the bill through the vet.”
“He was so mad when he saw it. He said he couldn’t believe how stubborn I was to pull that stunt because legally, he has to pay now.”
“We had an argument and he said I should’ve just paid for the entire thing instead of acting petty to prove a point.”
“He accused me of not loving our dog enough to handle the bill.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some openly questioned why the OP was with her boyfriend.
“He has shown his true colors. Leave now. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Leave.”
“He ducked out of the relationship with your beloved dog as soon as it got hard and real. How do you think it will be with you if you get sick or injured? Another animal? A child?”
“This is not something that can be fixed. This is and should be a deal-breaker.” – ArwensRose
“OP, you’re NTA and he 100% is. Plus, red flags galore, IMO (in my opinion).”
“Heck, when my cat of 20 years passed away, my boyfriend (who I’d been with 1 year at that point) was so heartbroken and so saddened by my grief that he paid for everything so I had one less thing to worry about.”
“I’d re-evaluate your relationship, because ouch.” – andielbc
“He’s not just cheap and stingy, but during a time of crisis and grief.”
“You don’t get to see who someone really is when everything is fine and rosy. It’s when the chips are down and you’re drowning that you get to see what kind of partner you really have.”
“This one expected you to swim on your own and then instead of throwing you a life preserver he tossed you a brick.” – Blaaamo
Others agreed and imagined how he would handle other situations.
“It’s not that he’s cheap or stingy. It’s that he won’t even take care of his own responsibilities.”
“OP, please never have kids with this person.”
“NTA” – prove____it
“Imagine what would happen if they had kids.”
“He’d say, ‘Why do I have to change them when you are the one that gave birth?'” – donnamayjs
“Imagine, the kid gets sick and dies and he won’t help pay for medical bills because they’re ‘not his kid anymore.'” – lolajet
Some also pointed out how this situation should have gone.
“Major red flags. My 5-year-old dog is getting cancer treatment and my partner of two years has been so supportive and has been splitting the bills with me.”
“OP has a lot of thinking to do if the boyfriend is that stingy and heartless.” – killerxaddiction
“In February I had to put my childhood dog down because she was 16 and her body was failing. My mom couldn’t stand to do it so I did.”
“My husband of 2 years (together for 5 years) took a day off work to drive me to the vet during an ice storm in Oklahoma so he could be there for my sister and I as we let go of our baby girl.”
“I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to afford to cremate her, but I couldn’t bear the thought of them just throwing her away like she wasn’t loved.”
“My husband told me not to worry about it and that we would make the cost work no matter what. Then he went back a week later and picked up the ashes for me because I couldn’t do it.”
“He had maybe met that dog 10 times in 5 years. But he’s my partner and he loves me so it was never even a question about whether he would support me.” – URSmarterThanILook
“I lost 4 cats over the last 2 years and my boyfriend met 3 of them.”
“All 3 deaths left him heartbroken even though he hadn’t known them for that long and he paid for all of them at the vet so I could work things out with my ex (who is paying for the vet bills for them) and didn’t have to worry about being able to afford food or whatever.”
“OP, your boyfriend is a massive a**hole, and the way you describe his responses makes it sound a lot like he didn’t give a s**t about your dog.”
“You are NTA and also wouldn’t be if you left him because of this and sued for your share of the money.” – Mobile-Feed-9928
The OP may have wondered if she was in the wrong for wanting to split the cost with her boyfriend, but the subReddit insisted she had done a reasonable thing.
Not only should the boyfriend have been more reasonable during this time, but it’s telling about how he will handle other tough situations.