Some people see formal occasions as an opportunity to buy an exciting new outfit.
Others, however, have an old reliable in their closet that they plan on using over and over again.
It is a convenient and money-saving move.
Of course, wearing the same outfit repeatedly might attract the attention of friends and colleagues, for better or for worse.
Redditor Fantastic-Invite-359 was planning on wearing her go-to wedding outfit at the upcoming wedding of one of her work colleagues.
That is until the original poster (OP) was told by this colleague that her regular formal dress wasn't in keeping with her wedding dress code.
While the OP was initially planning on getting a new dress, she later discovered that the bride-to-be wasn't one hundred percent honest with her.
Leading the OP to eventually decide to skip the wedding altogether.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to buy a new dress for any of my friend's weddings?"
The OP explained why her go-to wedding dress resulted in being a point of contention for an upcoming wedding:
"I (19 F[emale]) have been attending a lot of weddings recently."
"Most of my friends are my co-workers - who are much older than me."
"I wasn't included in the wedding but was invited so I always had a set dress."
"I wore a regular length ~tight black dress."
"Now I should add for context I have attended 5 weddings over the last two years and none of them had a specific dress code."
"One of my coworkers is getting married next June, and after I received the invite, she asked what I'd be wearing, and I told her that I would wear my regular black dress (I don't have a lot of others - the only ones I do are very formal)."
"She told me after that she actually has imposed a dress code (which was not mentioned on the invite) and that everyone should be wearing red as she was going to wear black."
"I agreed and said I'd get to buying a nice one."
"However, when I spoke to my other coworkers, none of them mentioned anything about a dress code - one of them even asked her (the bride - "Maria"), and Maria said there was no dress code."
"Initially I thought this was confusing, and maybe she changed her mind and forgot to tell me, so when I asked my coworker to ask her, Maria said, 'I don't like the black dress she always wears, it's old and unflattering and I would rather my guests look presentable at my wedding'."
"I always felt good in the dress. It is old (I bought it for my sophomore prom), but I felt as if it still worked."
"I texted Maria that I wouldn't be able to attend her wedding."
"She came up to me at work and put a sweet act on about how she thought we were friends and she really wanted me there."
"Eventually, I told her I was not planning on buying a new dress because I heard what she said about my black one."
'Maria said I was mistaken, but I know I was not."
"Even though she apologized, she texted me later that I am uninvited from her wedding as she would rather not have a broke teenager ruining all her photos."
"I spoke to my friend about this, and he thinks I could have just bought a cheap red dress and avoided all the drama."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole\
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to buy a new dress and skipping Maria's wedding.
Everyone agreed that if Maria had a problem with the OP's dress, she shouldn't have lied to her and definitely shouldn't have talked behind the OP's back to another colleague. They agreed that Maria's behavior suggested that missing her wedding would not be a huge loss for the OP.
"You literally are a broke teenager."
"That's fine. You'll age and probably obtain more money."
"I don't see her growing out of being an a**hole, though."
"NTA."- raisedbypoubelle
"NTA."
"She sounds like she's both shallow and tone-deaf."
"Not everyone can afford a new outfit for every event in their life."
"Where I work, people are getting married left and right."
"There's been 6 weddings just this year."
"If everyone bought a new dress for every single one, they'd be broke."
"And it's unfair for the bride to expect everyone to prioritize them and their wedding over your own life and circumstances."
"And, finally, the shallow judgment of your 'old' dress is just pretty sh*tty behavior in general."
"OP, that's not your friend."
"Since she's a coworker, be civil, but don't mistake any future friendliness for friendship."
"She showed you who she really is."- Cubbance
"NTA."
"She should've been honest with you from the start instead of making up a fake dress code and talking behind your back."
"If she didn't like your dress, she could have just said so directly, but instead, she played games."
"You don't owe anyone a new dress just because they don't like what you already have, especially when the invite didn't mention a dress code."
"And let's be honest, these are coworkers, not close friends or family."
"You're not obligated to attend, especially after how she treated you."
"Her comment about not wanting a 'broke teenager' at her wedding was just cruel."
"You're better off not going."- TheNeuroxide
"NTA."
"If there was a dress code - which you have established is not the case - they should have told you when they invited you, so you could think about it and decide before accepting."
"I think having many fancy clothes that you don't wear a lot otherwise is a waste."
"So you went to 5 weddings, should you have bought 5 different outfits?"
"I know some people will, but I usually repurpose something, and I have definitely worn the same outfits at multiple weddings."
"No one really remembers who wore what, and I try to change the accessories."
"If she really wanted you there, she would have not cared what you choose to wear as long as you look presentable, which sounds like it would have been the case."
"She is not a friend, and definitely don't go to her wedding after the way she has treated you."-PurpleMuskogee
"NTA."
"as long as the dress is in good condition and appropriate for the setting, it shouldn't be an issue."
"Too many women feel obligated to buy a new dress for every occasion, and it's ridiculous."
"No one thinks anything about a man wearing the same suit to all occasions."- No-Accountant3744
"I am 51 and a woman."
"Women our age remember being your age and being unable to buy new things, especially dresses for events at will."
"It is rude of her in the extreme."
"You are being financially responsible, polite, sensible and respectful."
"She has been not of these things."
"NTA."- StVincentBlues
"NTA."
"If you're not a bridesmaid who gives a sh*t what you're wearing unless you were wearing white."
"If you want to buy another one, then cool, but you're not required to."
"Maybe if it's so important, she can buy it."- puddin_cupz
"NTA."
"Your coworker sounds so shallow and entitled."
"Not everyone can afford a new dress for every event, and even if you could, it just seems so wasteful and unnecessary."- ResponsibleSeries274
"NTA."
"Who does she think she is?"
"Regina George?"
"There's no way you're going to that wedding she is totally a disrespectful manipulator and a b***."
"If she has some concerns, she should have talked to you about it like a real friend, not stab you in the back. That's just very immature."
"Just ignore her and cut her off."- itsbrattysummer
"NTA cuz wow how old is she to be acting this way to a 'broke teenager' when she also literally works with you."
"Like I'm presuming if she's a coworker, she could probably be making the same amount of money as you so the audacity is through the roof."
"And if they were an actual friend and had a real problem with the dress, like if it was too tight or if women had to wear longer dresses cuz it's in a church or something, then she would tell you to your face."
"You can always tell her you'll wear a new dress to her next wedding if she's gonna act real petty and immature about it."- geenersaurus
If someone decides to throw a wedding, they presumably do so to celebrate the beginning of their important new chapter with those nearest and dearest to them.
So, if Maria was concerned that the OP's choice of dress would ruin pictures, one has to question whether she was throwing a wedding for the right reasons.
One can only imagine that Maria will wish she had chosen her words a bit more carefully later, as things are bound to be tense at work for the foreseeable future.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.