Some people see formal occasions as an opportunity to buy an exciting new outfit.
Others, however, have an old reliable in their closet that they plan on using over and over again.
It is a convenient and money-saving move.
Of course, wearing the same outfit repeatedly might attract the attention of friends and colleagues, for better or for worse.
Redditor Fantastic-Invite-359 was planning on wearing her go-to wedding outfit at the upcoming wedding of one of her work colleagues.
That is until the original poster (OP) was told by this colleague that her regular formal dress wasn’t in keeping with her wedding dress code.
While the OP was initially planning on getting a new dress, she later discovered that the bride-to-be wasn’t one hundred percent honest with her.
Leading the OP to eventually decide to skip the wedding altogether.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to buy a new dress for any of my friend’s weddings?”
The OP explained why her go-to wedding dress resulted in being a point of contention for an upcoming wedding:
“I (19 F[emale]) have been attending a lot of weddings recently.”
“Most of my friends are my co-workers – who are much older than me.”
“I wasn’t included in the wedding but was invited so I always had a set dress.”
“I wore a regular length ~tight black dress.”
“Now I should add for context I have attended 5 weddings over the last two years and none of them had a specific dress code.”
“One of my coworkers is getting married next June, and after I received the invite, she asked what I’d be wearing, and I told her that I would wear my regular black dress (I don’t have a lot of others – the only ones I do are very formal).”
“She told me after that she actually has imposed a dress code (which was not mentioned on the invite) and that everyone should be wearing red as she was going to wear black.”
“I agreed and said I’d get to buying a nice one.”
“However, when I spoke to my other coworkers, none of them mentioned anything about a dress code – one of them even asked her (the bride – “Maria”), and Maria said there was no dress code.”
“Initially I thought this was confusing, and maybe she changed her mind and forgot to tell me, so when I asked my coworker to ask her, Maria said, ‘I don’t like the black dress she always wears, it’s old and unflattering and I would rather my guests look presentable at my wedding’.”
“I always felt good in the dress. It is old (I bought it for my sophomore prom), but I felt as if it still worked.”
“I texted Maria that I wouldn’t be able to attend her wedding.”
“She came up to me at work and put a sweet act on about how she thought we were friends and she really wanted me there.”
“Eventually, I told her I was not planning on buying a new dress because I heard what she said about my black one.”
‘Maria said I was mistaken, but I know I was not.”
“Even though she apologized, she texted me later that I am uninvited from her wedding as she would rather not have a broke teenager ruining all her photos.”
“I spoke to my friend about this, and he thinks I could have just bought a cheap red dress and avoided all the drama.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole\
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to buy a new dress and skipping Maria’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that if Maria had a problem with the OP’s dress, she shouldn’t have lied to her and definitely shouldn’t have talked behind the OP’s back to another colleague. They agreed that Maria’s behavior suggested that missing her wedding would not be a huge loss for the OP.
“You literally are a broke teenager.”
“That’s fine. You’ll age and probably obtain more money.”
“I don’t see her growing out of being an a**hole, though.”
“NTA.”- raisedbypoubelle
“NTA.”
“She sounds like she’s both shallow and tone-deaf.”
“Not everyone can afford a new outfit for every event in their life.”
“Where I work, people are getting married left and right.”
“There’s been 6 weddings just this year.”
“If everyone bought a new dress for every single one, they’d be broke.”
“And it’s unfair for the bride to expect everyone to prioritize them and their wedding over your own life and circumstances.”
“And, finally, the shallow judgment of your ‘old’ dress is just pretty sh*tty behavior in general.”
“OP, that’s not your friend.”
“Since she’s a coworker, be civil, but don’t mistake any future friendliness for friendship.”
“She showed you who she really is.”- Cubbance
“NTA.”
“She should’ve been honest with you from the start instead of making up a fake dress code and talking behind your back.”
“If she didn’t like your dress, she could have just said so directly, but instead, she played games.”
“You don’t owe anyone a new dress just because they don’t like what you already have, especially when the invite didn’t mention a dress code.”
“And let’s be honest, these are coworkers, not close friends or family.”
“You’re not obligated to attend, especially after how she treated you.”
“Her comment about not wanting a ‘broke teenager’ at her wedding was just cruel.”
“You’re better off not going.”- TheNeuroxide
“NTA.”
“If there was a dress code – which you have established is not the case – they should have told you when they invited you, so you could think about it and decide before accepting.”
“I think having many fancy clothes that you don’t wear a lot otherwise is a waste.”
“So you went to 5 weddings, should you have bought 5 different outfits?”
“I know some people will, but I usually repurpose something, and I have definitely worn the same outfits at multiple weddings.”
“No one really remembers who wore what, and I try to change the accessories.”
“If she really wanted you there, she would have not cared what you choose to wear as long as you look presentable, which sounds like it would have been the case.”
“She is not a friend, and definitely don’t go to her wedding after the way she has treated you.”-PurpleMuskogee
“NTA.”
“as long as the dress is in good condition and appropriate for the setting, it shouldn’t be an issue.”
“Too many women feel obligated to buy a new dress for every occasion, and it’s ridiculous.”
“No one thinks anything about a man wearing the same suit to all occasions.”- No-Accountant3744
“I am 51 and a woman.”
“Women our age remember being your age and being unable to buy new things, especially dresses for events at will.”
“It is rude of her in the extreme.”
“You are being financially responsible, polite, sensible and respectful.”
“She has been not of these things.”
“NTA.”- StVincentBlues
“NTA.”
“If you’re not a bridesmaid who gives a sh*t what you’re wearing unless you were wearing white.”
“If you want to buy another one, then cool, but you’re not required to.”
“Maybe if it’s so important, she can buy it.”- puddin_cupz
“NTA.”
“Your coworker sounds so shallow and entitled.”
“Not everyone can afford a new dress for every event, and even if you could, it just seems so wasteful and unnecessary.”- ResponsibleSeries274
“NTA.”
“Who does she think she is?”
“Regina George?”
“There’s no way you’re going to that wedding she is totally a disrespectful manipulator and a b***.”
“If she has some concerns, she should have talked to you about it like a real friend, not stab you in the back. That’s just very immature.”
“Just ignore her and cut her off.”- itsbrattysummer
“NTA cuz wow how old is she to be acting this way to a ‘broke teenager’ when she also literally works with you.”
“Like I’m presuming if she’s a coworker, she could probably be making the same amount of money as you so the audacity is through the roof.”
“And if they were an actual friend and had a real problem with the dress, like if it was too tight or if women had to wear longer dresses cuz it’s in a church or something, then she would tell you to your face.”
“You can always tell her you’ll wear a new dress to her next wedding if she’s gonna act real petty and immature about it.”- geenersaurus
If someone decides to throw a wedding, they presumably do so to celebrate the beginning of their important new chapter with those nearest and dearest to them.
So, if Maria was concerned that the OP’s choice of dress would ruin pictures, one has to question whether she was throwing a wedding for the right reasons.
One can only imagine that Maria will wish she had chosen her words a bit more carefully later, as things are bound to be tense at work for the foreseeable future.